How to Have a Well-Dressed Child Without Breaking the Bank

Confession time: I have become a childrens' consignment shop junkie.

One of the most fun yet frustrating things of raising children is the rate at which they go through clothes and shoes. At three years old, Susanna (who currently wears a size 4/XS in girls clothes) has never been in one clothing size for more than five months. She goes through shoe sizes even quicker; I bought her two pairs of shoes in August and she's already grown out of them. Of course, seasons change, so I basically wind up buying the kid a new wardrobe every four to six months. It gets expensive.

For Susanna's first year of life, she subsisted on 70% gifts and 30% purchases by us. I bought most things brand new at various stores (usually on sale) and did have a bunch of luck at a thrift store. Her 12-18 month and 18-24 month wardrobes were purchased in a similar manner; mostly new stuff that was either on sale or from an outlet. Around her second birthday, I discovered the wonders of the consignment sale/store and began developing my SYSTEM. I'm quite proud of my SYSTEM. Here's what I do:

• At the beginning of a season (July/August for fall and winter stuff, March/April for spring and summer stuff) I hit one of the local "huge consignment sales". I have a mental list of what she'll need for that season. I go through the racks and stacks of clothing in her size and look for the Big Brand Names (Gymboree, Children's Place, Baby Gap, Janie and Jack, Hartstrings). I'll also pick up stuff from Carter's and Osh Kosh, because I know they're good quality. 
• Over the next few weeks, I "fill in" any necessary clothing gaps at regular consignment stores. Again, I try and focus on the pricier brand names. I have a penchant for Gymboree, honestly. I love their stuff, but can't afford to buy it in the stores unless it's MAJORLY marked down. I focus on the pricier brand names because they do seem to be the better "deals", meaning that I'll save 60-70% off retail (sometimes more!) versus 40-50% off retail for Carter's/Osh Kosh. 
• By the time I've outfitted Susanna for the season (which for me, means enough everyday clothes for a week, plus a few extra tops, a couple dresses/skirts, and a  couple light jackets/sweaters) I've spent the same amount as I would have buying everything new at Target/Wally World, but the quality is significantly better. This spring/summer things were kind of crazy (what with the whole newborn and mother with breast cancer situations), so I bought everything at Target and Wal-Mart. By the end of the summer, almost all of it was worn out. Buying the expensive stuff also helps the resale value, which brings me to the next part of my plan. 
• I haven't actually done this yet, but my plan is to re-sell as many clothes as I can. I have about four diaper boxes full of clothes that Susanna has outgrown yet that are in "nearly new" condition. They are Gymboree, Childrens' Place, and private labels. There are multiple consignment shops near me that pay cash for clothes, and I plan on trying them out. My reasoning is that I will at least get a fraction of my money back. 

I haven't mentioned Greg in this equation, because I have bought about two pieces of clothing from him thus far. Of course, the cheapest way to have a well-dressed child is to BORROW clothes, which is what we have been able to do with Greg, thanks to the generosity of some friends who have a son who is exactly one year and four days older than Greg. I just finished sorting, folding, and hanging up his 9-12 month clothes. His dresser is full and so is his closet. We're not expecting to ride the gravy train indefinitely, and when we actually have to buy the kid some clothes, I will begin utilizing the above method.

So, in a nutshell, here's the Patti Money method of having a well-dressed child on a dime:

• Get free clothes from someone else if at all possible.
• Shop consignment sales and consignment shops
• If you have to buy new clothes, shop sales, clearance racks, and outlets
• Re-sell clothes when possible, or donate them to a good friend to "pay it forward". If our friends who have lent us their son's clothes ever have a daughter, I've promised them all of Susanna's 0-12 month clothes. 

Questions? Comments? 

Seven Quick Takes, Sunday Afternoon Edition

1. I totally skipped blogging the past three days because I'm trying to get the house somewhat clean. Emphasis is on "trying." It's not working. I'm horrible at housework and incredibly envious of those women who can have two (or more) children underfoot and still keep a reasonably clean house.

2. Greg is getting baptized next Sunday. We're very excited. He will be wearing the Heirloom Baptismal Gown that his great-great-grandfather wore in 1869? 1879? Anywho, a long time ago. Susanna wore it when she got baptized...at ten weeks of age. Because of all the craziness of this spring and summer, I didn't feel like having Greg baptized right away. So, Greg will be nine months when he gets baptized (Methodist theology does not associate baptism with regenerating grace, so unbaptized babies still go to heaven). It will take a little maneuvering for the gown to fit him, but we're making it work. It's all about TRADITION, darn it. And not wanting to fork over the $$ for a new baptismal gown.

3. I've begun applying for full-time chaplain positions. I love staying at home (most days), but I need to be ordained by 2015 or begin the whole process over again. I need two more years of full-time ministry before I am eligible for ordination. I don't really feel that going back to the local church is an option right now. Therefore, I am looking for chaplain jobs. I applied for three this week, but the job market is fairly competitive in this field, so I'm not sure what to expect.

4. We got a new stove on Thursday. Our old one was original to the house (1994), and while it worked, the thermostat was funky and so things would sometimes take too long to cook or get burned because they cooked too quickly. The new stove is AWESOME. It is a double gas oven, self-cleaning, and BLACK. I love black appliances.

5. We also got a new, over-the-range, microwave. It is also black, to match the stove, of course. Now all our kitchen appliances are black! Woohoo!!

6. I have to  want to buy myself a new winter coat. My current winter coat is "wearable", but I bought it when I was DATING James and we've been married for nine years. There are a few holes in the lining, too. I think a new winter coat every ten years is a reasonable purchase, right?

7. On that topic, I'm deciding whether to buy a traditional, wool coat that will keep me warm even if the temperature goes down into the teens OR buy something lighter that will keep me warm as long as it's above freezing. Here in Hampton Roads, it's pretty rare that it gets REALLY cold and most of my time is spent indoors or in the car. So, I'm leaning towards the latter, especially because that sort of coat will be cheaper. And I can always keep my old coat in case we do get Arctic temperatures.

There you go! Happy Sunday afternoon!

And Then the Fun Began: The First 72 Hours

Our hospital stay with Greg was phenomenal. The staff practically anticipated my every want and willingly took Greg back to the nursery at night in between feedings, ensuring that I would get some sleep. The second night, James slept at home so that at least one of us would be well-rested. While we were happy to be able to take our baby boy home on Thursday afternoon, it wasn't like we were absolutely DYING to leave.

So, we went home (after stopping by the Lactation Store to rent a breast pump, because His Lordship was having latching issues), Greg and I went to sleep, and James went to pick up Simon from the kennel. We ordered Chinese for dinner, and everything seemed wonderful as we gazed at our sleeping son. Susanna was still at my parents house, because my mother had wisely suggested that we have at least one night alone with Greg before picking her up. That was a good idea.

As last as 10pm on Thursday night, James and I felt so good that we were actually considering going to a birthday party on Saturday (for the son of our good friends; he was turning one). That feeling didn't last long. That night was...night with a newborn. Greg is a noisy sleeper, so he kept waking us up (even after we transferred him to the crib in his room). Then, he would do the typical newborn thing and wake up every two or three hours to eat. Nursing was still a challenge, and I was pumping after every feeding to build my milk supply. By morning, all three of us were exhausted. And Greg hadn't done #1 or #2 since his circumcision early Thursday morning.

Our plan for that day was sleep as much as possible in between feed ings. The first wrinkle occurred when the pediatrician's office called around 10:30 am to check on things. They were concerned that Greg had only peed once in 24 hours, so they asked us to come in that afternoon at 1pm. No problem; that gave us time for naps, showers, and lunch. The nap got tossed to the side when they called back twenty minutes later and asked us to stop by the hospital first to get Greg's bilirubin and electrolyte levels checked. Since the hospital is on the other side of town from the pedi's office, that meant we had to leave the hospital by 12:40, which meant we really needed to get there by noon to get everything done, which meant we had to leave the house by 11:40. It was almost 11am. Neither of us, of course, were dressed. James and I quickly took showers, packed the diaper bag, and I pumped as quickly as possible. Neither of us had lunch, because we didn't have time.

The hospital was a ridiculous experience, from the lack of parking spaces (it took James 15 minutes to find one, on the other side of creation), to the staff members who continually asked me, "is he (Greg) here as a patient? Because you know children aren't allowed..." to the receptionist who didn't understand why I didn't have written orders and to the waiting for the actual tests. I bought myself and James some fruit and bottled waters from a cart in the lobby.

We pulled into the pedi's office on two wheels at about 1:15. Greg was crying for many reasons (hunger, his foot had been pricked, and because he was a newborn) and James and I were about to kill each other (not for anything the other had done, just from exhaustion and hunger). There was good news and bad news. The good news was that Greg's bilirubin levels were not high enough to warrant treatment (meaning returning to the hospital). The bad news was that he had lost a total of 12 oz since birth AND was showing early signs of dehydration. The electrolyte results hadn't come in yet, but the doctor didn't think those would be a problem. But basically, our mission for the next 48-72 hours was to get as much food into the kid as possible. The doc outlined a few "what-if" scenarios and what to do (having the on-call doc paged to taking him to the emergency room) that sort of scared me. They ordered me to supplement after nursing either with my own milk and/or formula. We set another appointment for Monday. Mom volunteered to keep Susanna one more night, and I willingly accepted. I missed her, but I was just. so. tired. and overwhelmed.

We got home around 2:30 or so, ate lunch, and I began the nurse/pump/syringe feed ritual. We got Greg down for a nap, James went to sleep, and I was just about to go to sleep myself when...my phone rang. It was the doctor's office. Apparently the morons at the hospital hadn't drawn enough blood to test Greg's electrolytes, so the test had to be done again. I flatly refused to go back to the hospital and asked where else we could go to get the test done. The nurse conferred with someone and said, "oh, you can get it done at the lab at our main office" which is closer than the hospital and has a MUCH LARGER PARKING LOT. Plus, there's less red tape there. Why couldn't we have gone there first? Don't ask.

So, off to the lab we went, where Greg got his heel stuck for a second time. By the time we arrived home, my mother-in-law had arrived at the house. Now I love my MIL dearly and normally am happy to see her. However, I think Jesus could have been waiting in my driveway and my reception would have been lukewarm (probably not, but you get my point). I just wanted to sleep. Screw dinner, screw being a good hostess, I just wanted to sleep and maybe cry a little bit (because I was less than 60 hours postpartum, after all). I hugged Nina, looked at the presents she had brought, thanked her (I think I did, anyway), pumped, threw Greg at them, and went to sleep. A few hours later I woke up and there was a message on my phone from the doctor. Greg's electrolyte levels were normal, thank the Lord.

Friday night was exhausting. Thankfully my milk had come in that morning, so I was able to supplement with my own pumped milk and avoid formula (not that it would have been horrible if I had to use formula, but I preferred to give him my own milk if I could). I was trying to avoid nipple confusion, so I'd nurse him, pump, and then give him about 1 oz of pumped milk via syringe/finger. This was lengthy, exhausting, and had limited success, because half of the milk wound up on Greg and myself rather than in his stomach, where it needed to be. After several rounds of this, I had had enough. I broke out the box of three Medela bottles and nipples that I had bought and began giving Greg the extra milk in bottles. I decided that I'd rather deal with nipple confusion than have Greg under special lights or hooked up to an IV.

So, that's how the next 48 hours went. Thankfully, my milk supply kept increasing, and I was able to begin saving milk in the fridge and even freezing it. Because he was eating more, Greg began (cough) producing lovely diapers. When we saw the doctor on Monday, he had gained five ounces, and the doctor told us we could stop supplementing. At his two week checkup, he was almost at his birth weight. By six weeks, he was a full pound above his birth weight.

We picked up Susanna on Saturday morning and she ignored Greg for the first 24 hours or so. However, Sunday night she suddenly starting paying attention to him and talking to him. It was precious. For the first three or so months of Greg's life, she referred to him as "day-day", which I guess meant "baby" in Susanna speech. Now she calls him "Greg" or "Greggie" and she tells me that he's her best friend.

As "rough" as those first 72 hours were (I put that in quotation marks because it's not like Greg was ever in real danger), I was immensely thankful that for a vigilant pediatric practice, excellent lactation support, and parents who live less than 20 miles away. I think James said it best on his Face*book page the day after Greg's birth: "Having a baby in Chesapeake is way cooler than having one in Danville." Amen.

Greg's Birth Story: It Hurt, I Got an Epidural, and He Arrived

When I first found out that my labor with Greg would be induced, I had a few reservations/concerns. My biggest concern was that I knew that induction at 38 weeks (especially with the possibility of a big baby and the certainty of excess fluid) raised the chance of a C-section, especially an emergency C-section. I really really really did not want a C-section, what with it being major surgery, having a longer recovery time, a scar, and THE PAIN after the epidural wore off. Of course, I'd rather have all of the above and a healthy baby and healthy Patti than the alternative. I was just afraid that the doc might get "scalpel happy" and push for a C-section when it wasn't necessary.

Having those concerns (and also being much more proactive and vocal in this pregnancy than my previous one), I expressed them to my doctor (there were four OBs in the practice, but I knew which one would be doing the induction) and tried to make it clear that unless there was a very real danger for Greg or myself, I wanted to avoid a C-section. Thankfully, he understood my concerns and assured me that the route we were taking (inducing two weeks early b/c of the extra fluid and potential large baby) had the best chance of avoiding a C-section. It also helped that the day before my induction, I was already two centimeters dilated and partially effaced.

The night before the induction, we took Susanna to dinner at Moe's and then dropped her off at my parents house. It was Monday night, and I knew I wouldn't see her until Thursday night at the earliest (she couldn't come to the hospital to see Greg because all area hospitals had banned visitors under 18 because of H1N1). I felt sort of sad, but knew she was in good hands. James and I went home, did some final preparations, and went to bed.

The next morning we woke up around 5am, took showers, loaded everything in the car, and called L&D at exactly 6:30. They told us to come on in. The hospital is very close to our house, so we were checked in and settled in a room by 7:15 or so. Dr. H came in (along with a male medical student) to break my water, but it occurred to me that I should use the facilities first, because I wouldn't be able to leave the bed once my water was broken. He said he'd come back later. I took care of business and the nurse began my IV. They actually had to call in an anesthesiologist to finish the job, even with three nurses trying to get the best vein. Finally, I was hooked up to the Pitocin. Around 8am, Dr. H came back in and broke my water. THAT was incredible...sort of like the Hoover Dam bursting. Apparently Greg had been swimming in an Olympic-size swimming pool. Even more fluid came out once the contractions started. Dr. H said that I could get an epidural anytime, but I wanted to actually "feel" a few contractions before getting my pain relief.

By 9am I was feeling uncomfortable contractions, maybe 3-4 on a scale of 10. By 10:15 they were more in the 5-6 area, so I requested the epidural. By 11am, when I had the epidural (there were two anesthesiologists in-house, and one was in surgery and the other giving someone else an epidural), my pain level was closer to 7 and I felt immense relief within a few minutes. One major difference I noticed between "natural" labor (like I had with Susanna) and "Pitocin" labor was that the latter had very severe contractions, so by the time I received the epidural they seemed almost never-ending, even though I had only been "in labor" for a little over three hours. With Susanna, it had taken 12+ hours for the pain to get this severe.

By the time I received my epidural at 11-ish, I was 5 or 6 centimeters dilated. By 12pm, I was up to 8cm dilated. I was, incidentally, also on oxygen because Greg's heart rate kept dipping. They kept me on oxygen until I delivered. I was also laying on my side to help with everything. I did express my concerns to my nurse (who was awesome, by the way) because I was worried for Greg but also worried that I was on the fast track to an emergency C-section. She reassured me that everything was fine, they were just taking extra precautions.

During all this time, James and I basically hung out. He went down to the cafeteria at one point to get breakfast, but the rest of the time we just chatted, played on our iPhones (I even posted on Face*book!), and James read a book. I had expected labor to be quicker this time around since it was induced, but figured that I'd probably be in labor most of the day and hopefully have Greg before dinnertime. Things progressed a lot quicker than I thought they would. By noon, I was over 8 cm dilated and the nurse let the doctor know "not to go anywhere." By 1pm, I was pretty much fully dilated and we were just waiting for Dr. H and his med student to arrive. It took longer than anyone thought, so they didn't come into the room until about 1:40. They set the room up for delivery and I remember the med student (a male by the name of Vu) holding my left leg up so I could push. Greg came into this world at 2:06pm, smaller than we expected and absolutely perfect.

I don't remember a lot of details about the actual labor, but the delivery I remember very well, simply because it was so wonderful compared to Susanna's birth. When I gave birth to Susanna, they detected meconium in the amniotic fluid and the cord was around her neck. As a result, the OB cut the cord and whisked Susanna over to the isolette to work on her. I don't think she was ever in any real danger, but she was surrounded by nurses for the first 30 or so minutes of her life. Once she was "done", they handed her to James, because my OB was repairing my third degree tear and having a fun time of it, apparently. So I didn't get to hold Susanna until she was almost an hour old.

Within 30 seconds of Greg's birth, the nurse had placed him (still attached to the umbilical cord, still covered in vernix) on my tummy so James and I could meet him. It was an incredible feeling. Dr. H let James cut the umbilical cord, and we spent a few minutes with Greg before the nurses took him over to the isolette to be cleaned up and weighed. Dr. H sewed me up very quickly (apparently Greg did significantly LESS damage to my nether regions than Susanna) and then he and Vu left the room.

I should mention that at the final four visits of my pregnancy, Dr. H said pretty much the same thing, "How big was your first baby? 7 lbs 10 oz? This one's going to be bigger." Then, right before delivery, he told everyone that we were looking at "a big baby". Imagine my surprise when Greg weighed in at a mere 6 lbs 15 oz and was a full inch shorter than Susanna. Alas, I did not get to rib Dr. H about this until my six week checkup, because he and Vu had already left when Greg was weighed.

We spent almost two hours in the room after delivery, because (as I learned later) several other women had delivered at the same time I had, so there was a delay getting us all to rooms. James and I called our parents, sent out e-mail birth announcements and posted stuff on Facebook. And of course we adored our little boy, but he eventually went upstairs to be bathed and examined. By 4:30pm we were in a room on the Mother-Baby unit and I was chowing down on the "post-delivery box lunch" they apparently give all new mothers. I guess you burn a lot of calories pushing a baby out of your body, because I was starving again an hour later, and demolished my dinner when it arrived.

Initially, we had planned for James to spend both nights at home so that he could get some sleep. However, I had forgotten how sore and stiff I'd be after delivery and since I didn't know how competent and attentive the nurses would be (I needn't have worried and could have sent James home: the Mother-Baby nurses at CGH are SIMPLY AMAMZING), I asked James to stay overnight.

We had woken up as a trio, and went to bed that night as a quartet, thanking God for His goodness and grace.

Hospice medical care for dying patients: newyorker.com

Read this. Reflect on it. Yes, it's long. Get over it. In a few days I am going to write a blog post about this topic.

Hospice medical care for dying patients: newyorker.com

The Decision God Made For Us

Greg was a complete and total surprise.

We were somewhat open to the idea of a second child, and had discussed it. But, our discussions sort of had the same tone as when we discuss replacing the flooring downstairs...someday, but not right now. I figured it would be six months to a year before we were going to being "trying", if we began trying at all. Meanwhile, I was on birth control and since I took it faithfully, I figured we were "safe". I was wrong.

There were several reasons we were still in the "one child or two children?" discussion phase. First, James was an only child, had loved it, and said he'd be happy with just one child. Second (and the biggest reason for me), my brother has a rare genetic disorder and I do not know if I am a carrier for it. It's a recessive gene, so both James and myself would have to be carriers in order to have a chance of passing it on to our children. Even then, I think there's only a 25% chance of one of our children having SSADH (the specific condition my brother has). I've never been tested because insurance won't cover it and it would cost us upwards of $3K to get tested.

Anyway, I just didn't know if I wanted to "gamble" on having a kid with SSADH. As much as I love Bart and as much of a blessing and joy he is, I have seen what a strain a child with special needs can place on a family. And I know how hard it can be for the typically-developing sibling of a child with special needs. Neither James nor I believe in abortion, so even though a prenatal diagnosis is possible, we would certainly NOT terminate a pregnancy. So in our minds, we only had two options: have a second child and take the risks of him/her having SSADH or stick with one child.

Well, in the midst of all this discussion, God decided to intervene somehow and Greg was conceived. We found out on Father's Day 2009. He's healthy, happy, and a wonderful addition to our family. I think he's the best surprise I've ever received.

Yes, having two children is stressful sometimes (I am in awe of my friends who have 3, 4, 5, or even more children!), and the first few months of Greg's life were very tough (what with the newborn, the toddler, and the mother with breast cancer. Oh, and let's not forget the (milder this time, but still present) postpartum depression. I don't think that James and I do very well with the newborn period. However, watching how Susanna loves her little brother, and seeing how she can elicit such a joyful smile from Greg, makes it all worth it. There will certainly be sibling rivalry later on, and they will fight and all that stuff. But I hope, and I believe, that as they grow up and move into adulthood, that Susanna and Greg will be friends. I dream of them being in each other's weddings, spoiling each other's children, and their children (our grandchildren) becoming friends and playing together. In other words, I hope that their relationship will contain some of the elements missing from my relationship with Bart.

I've found that what everyone says is true; every child is different, and so is your relationship with them. I think Greg is much attached to me than Susanna was at this point (it's not that she wasn't attached, but she rarely cried when we left her anyplace, and Greg does.) and he has this way of giving me adoring smiles that convey that he thinks that I'm the best thing since sliced bread. I look forward to seeing his personality develop. He is very much like his sister in that he loves to smile and laugh, and also enjoys being around people. And the physical resemblance...my gosh! I need to post some "comparison" photos for you. It's crazy how much he looks like Susanna as a baby.

Thanks God, for going ahead and making the "one child or two children" decision for us. Best. thing. ever.

I'm Not in Kansas Anymore and I Don't Want to Go Back!

Since August 2009, I have been employed by Bon Secours Hampton Roads, which is part of the Bon Secours International health system. It was founded by Catholic nuns (the sisters of Bon Secours) and has kept the life and teachings of Jesus Christ as part of its mission for 100+ years.

When I began working for BSHR, I had to attend a new employee orientation, which lasted all day. By and large, hospital orientations for new employees are extremely similar, and Bon Secours was no exception. However, there were a few key distinctions at this one that quite pleased me. First, nearly everyone who presented material highlighted the mission of Bon Secours and its status as a faith-based organization. Second, BSHR actually has an administrator whose main role is Mission. She's the one all the Spiritual Care departments answer to, and although I've only met her that one time, I was quite impressed. Third, we (meaning all employees, not just the chaplains) are not just permitted, but encouraged to PRAY with patients if they ask us and/or seem amenable to it. Wow. There are prayers said over the PA system twice a day, and at DePaul we even announce the newest babies each day (first and middle names only, never last names).

Once I began actually working, I noticed other differences. The Spiritual Care departments are much better staffed than at most secular hospitals. Both Maryview and DePaul have at least one chaplain (usually two during the week) in-house seven days a week, 365 days of year. Both hospitals have on-call coverage 24/7, and Maryview has (due to the resurrection of its CPE program) resumed offering 24/7 in-house coverage Monday through Friday. With that sort of staff, every patient is visited (or at least we attempt to visit them) at least once during their stay. We visit patients in critical situations more, of course, and are always available via the pager system for emergencies and other requests.

Next, the hospital staff, especially the doctors, nurses, CNA's, and other staff who directly care for patients, clearly value the chaplains and see us as a key part of the "team." That is not always the case at secular hospitals. I've also been impressed by the way the staff cares for patients and families when we're delayed or (rarely) not available. One time I arrived at the bedside of a recently deceased patient only to find that the family had already left (I guess they had been present when the patient died, and didn't feel like waiting for me to drive half an hour from Chesapeake). The staff on the unit assured me that the family had been "fine", and told me what they (the staff) had done to comfort them; prayer, listening to stories, offering support, etc. Basically, lots of what I would have done for that family. It was nice knowing that others had stepped up to the plate when the chaplain wasn't present.

I will also say that I believe that patient care is superior here than at many secular hospitals in the area. True, the facilities at other hospitals may occasionally be nicer, but if I had to choose between competent staff who exuded caring and a really fancy facility, I'd pick the latter in a heartbeat.

Mammas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Pastors

The Danville Years: My Own September 11 Experience

For two and a half years, I have struggled with how to adequately and succinctly describe my time at Saint John's, and how to respond when someone says, "was the local church tough for you?" Until recently, I couldn't really think of an appropriate description without giving a 30 minute blow-by-blow account of everything that happened, or simply saying "yes", which usually leads people to believe that it was all my responsibility and I'm "just not pastor material", which I don't think is true. So, "tough" is not adequate for describing my time in Danville. Heart-wrenching, yes. Traumatizing, yes. Devastating, yes. 

However, a few weeks ago, I thought of a good analogy that is brief yet infinitely more accurate than "tough." So here is what I can (and may) say in the future, when someone asks me about my experience in Danville:

"To say that my experience in that particular setting was 'tough' would be like saying that September 11, 2001 was an 'unfortunate event' for the United States of America."  In other words, my two years in Danville (particularly the final six months) were to my professional and persona lives what September 11 was to this nation: absolutely devastating, life-changing, and innocence-shattering.

Before anyone gets extremely offended by what I just said, please understand that I don't mean any disrespect to those who died as a result of 9-11, who lost family members in that tragedy, nor am I trying to make light of that horrible day. I am merely trying to use it as a comparison to my own experience, because I think it is an accurate comparison to the impact Danville had on my life and my family. I ran it by James almost as soon as I thought of it, and he (who walked with me, supported, defended, and loved me through the whole experience, and was also wounded himself) totally agreed.

Here are some of the similarities I've thought of:

• The 9-11 attacks totally blindsided the US; their success was a result of our defenses being down and us not expecting (and not being prepared for) anything of that scale. I had no clue what was going on "behind the scenes" at Saint John's because I was inexperienced and (for the first year at least) they put on a very good front.  
• The 9-11 attacks also shattered our innocence (whatever innocence a 225 year old nation has), damaged our ability to trust others, and left us feeling rather bruised, battered, and grief-stricken. By the time I left St. John's in May 2008, I felt so bruised and battered that it took me ten months of reflection and sharing with my CPE colleagues and supervisor before I had reached the place where I could forgive certain church members, the congregation as a whole, and even myself for what happened. 
• In the aftermath of 9-11, we felt that other nations were not supporting us. Remember how we appealed to various "allies" for help in tracking down Al-Qaeda (sp?) and many of them turned us down? Remember the story about "freedom fries" instead of "French Fries" in Capitol Hill cafeterias? While I did have several clergy colleagues who reached out to me during my experience and after I left, I felt abandoned by the Annual Conference. My marriage was suffering, my self-confidence was at an all-time low, I was seriously questioning my calling to ordained ministry, and I was constantly beating myself up over what happened, but all I sensed from the Annual Conference was...recrimination, for lack of a better term. 
• While we may have healed from 9-11, we are forever changed and things will never be the same. I don't think this is necessarily all bad, but it's a shame that we have to go to these lengths to protect ourselves. Think of how air travel has changed...I feel like I have mostly processed through things and have experienced healing. However, if I ever return to the local church as a pastor, I will take certain measures to protect myself and my family so we're not so vulnerable again, and so I'm more aware of potential "bombs."
• Although it's possible that September 11 might have been less catastrophic with a little more diligence on the part of the U.S. (some of the things we do now, for example), it was by no means "our fault." Likewise, I've come to realize that accept that while I certainly hold some responsibility for the whole Saint John's debacle, there were many aspects that were out of my control and/or a result of pure circumstance (inexperience, being naive, losing my father-in-law, having a baby, being in a long-distance marriage, have postpartum depression, and my dog dying, among others). 

I could go on and on, but hopefully you get the gist. I haven't talked much about St. John's since I left, but I may write the occasional post about what happened and how I've grown/processed since then. I confess that I still have some anger/frustration towards certain groups and individuals who I feel "dropped the ball" at one time or another. I've forgiven, but I'm still struggling with "letting it go."

Part 2 or The Part Where I Share My Feelings

If you know my mom at all, you know that she did not simply tell me, "I have breast cancer. I'm having an MRI tomorrow and major surgery right around your due date, bye!" Of course not, because my mom is much more...maternal and selfless than that. After giving me some details and answering some of my questions, we spent at least fifteen minutes discussing something else, namely how the heck James and I would handle the whole childbirth, hospital, and first few days at home since our plan had now been shredded to smithereens.

I have no doubt that Mom was upset/worried about the deadly disease coursing through her body, and that her birthday had been RUINED (she had just heard from the oncologist that morning). However, outwardly she seemed much more concerned about how we were going to cope and about brainstorming ideas, most of which involved calling James' mom as soon as I knew this was "it" and hiring someone else to stay with Susanna until James' mom arrived here (she lives 4-5 hours away). We also discussed me pleading with my OB to induce a week early.


We ended the conversation not really resolving anything, but agreed that we had plenty of time AND I kept reminding her that LOTS of people give birth without having families nearby to support them. If they could do it, so could we.


So, in my mind, my thoughts for the next few hours sort of went like this (interspersed with crying jags, of course): "My mom has cancer...she's having major surgery right when I'm supposed to have my baby...this isn't fair, I want my Mommy...calm down, Patti, it's just a few weeks, you'll get through it...right, after all, I can get through this...it's just temporary. Gotta think of the long-term, put everything in perspective...Stop being so selfish...After all, she's the one with cancer and facing major surgery...HOLY CRAP! My mommy has cancer! People die from cancer! She might die! I can handle her not being around for a few weeks, but what if she DIES? MY MOM CAN'T DIE! (Ignoring the fact that I have a husband and numerous friends who have already lost a parent) My children have to know her! Deep breaths...calm down...this is breast cancer which has a much lower mortality rate than say, pancreatic cancer. Mom had a clean mammogram in August, this was probably caught early. She'll have the surgery, maybe chemo and radiation, and chances are that by this fall, it will all be over. Right. Be positive." What also helped (and continues to help) is the knowledge that Mom is no weak sister. She is a fighter, a survivor, and if breast cancer does kill her eventually, it will not be without her fighting it with all she has in her.

By the time James got home several hours later, I was mostly in control of myself. The next day, we found out that Greg would be coming two weeks early, anyway, so that issue was resolved, and Mom's exclamation of "God is good!" when I told her that news was priceless.

So, the spring was kind of sucky (most of all for Mom, since she was the patient) because it was (in my eyes, anyway) a roller coaster of good news, bad news, and the accompanying emotions. Mom has the rarest, most aggressive kind of breast cancer possible. It's actually highly irregular for a Caucasian woman in her 60s to get this type. But Mom's always been an achiever, and our family tends to be "health care trendsetters", anyway. She had four surgeries in three months (I'm going to respect her privacy and leave out the details) and began chemo in June. She's responding well to the chemo, and is part of a clinical trial for a promising new chemo drug. Things aren't the same as they were a year ago, but I'm adjusting to the "new normal" and thankful that between God's grace and healing, the miracle of modern medicine (and the gifts of her oncologist), and Mom's own strength and determination, there is s a very, very strong possibility that Mom will be around long enough to see my children grow up and most importantly, for them to know her, make memories with her, and remember her when she does die, whenever that may be.

I will probably continue to write about this from time to time. Keep in mind that I'm writing from MY perspective, so I'm not speaking for my mother (I can't do that, since I'm not her). My posts will likely be about my thoughts, feeling, and experiences, and will have very little actual details about Mom. If you want details, ask my mom. Ditto for wanting to know her perspective on things. I'm not planning on giving any blow-by-blow accounts of her condition without her express permission.

Of course, Mom covets your prayers, as does the rest of my family. Prayers are always welcome.

So what if my day was ruined? It was her BIRTHDAY (Part 1)

It was January 27, 2010. My mother's birthday. I was 36 weeks pregnant with Greg, and had a hankering for Taco Bell. So, I loaded Susanna into the car and drove through Taco Bell to get a double decker taco with guacamole and no tomatoes. I was pulling out of the drive-thru when my phone rang. I saw from the Caller ID that it was my mom. I answered, wished her Happy Birthday, and she asked if I was home. I said no, that Susanna and I were out and about. She asked me to call her when I got home. I agreed, and we hung up.

Immediately, my brain went into overdrive. My mom and I frequently talk on the phone while in the car, so her wanting to wait to talk until I got home meant that SOMETHING WAS UP. I latched onto the real possibility that she had bad news to tell me, and spent the next fifteen minutes (as I drove home and then put Susanna down for a nap) wondering what was wrong. Obviously not an emergency involving her, my dad, or my brother. If that had been the case, she would have told me immediately so I could head right to...wherever. My dad would probably be the one of call me if it involved him. Was something going on with Bart (my brother)? One of my aunts or uncles or cousins? A close family friend? I didn't really think about the possibility that what my mother had to share involved HERSELF. After all, she was in great health, exercised, ate well, and looked and acted like someone 10-15 years younger than her true age. I had no doubt that she would live well into her 90s and be around to watch my children grow up, maybe even be able to see Susanna and Greg get married to their respective spouses and meet her future great-grandchildren.

Within five minutes of calling my mom back, those expectations were suddenly and excruciatingly colored with doubt. Mom told me that she had breast cancer and was scheduled for an MRI the next day and a mastectomy on February 25, which just happened to be the day after my due date.

Once we hung up, I spent the next hour sobbing uncontrollably, and even once I calmed myself down, I cried on and off for the rest of the afternoon.

(To Be Continued)

Seven Quick Takes Friday, Long Overdue Edition

1. Hi out there (waves and smiles guiltily)! OK, so it's been a while since I've posted. Probably all of my readers have stopped checking the blog and given up on me. But I'm back! And I have at least three future posts brewing! And maybe more! So, there. Come back, blog readers, come back!

2. Part of the reason that I haven't posted in so long is that I now have two children. And as those of you with two (or more) children know, 1+1 DOES NOT = 2. No, it's more like one plus one equals 20, or something like that. I had no clue how EASY my life was with only one child. Just like I had no clue how easy my life was before I had children.

3. In case you're curious, we are DONE with the procreation thing. I love Greg and Susanna, thank God for them every day, and am so delighted that we had two children. However, James and I mutually decided that for us, two children was enough. And that decision was made final in June at a urologist's office in Virginia Beach. (:

4. My children are very similar in some ways, but very different in others. They clearly resemble each other, are both somewhat stubborn, and have excellent appetites. But there are plenty of differences...An example is the sleep issue. Susanna was sleeping eight hours at night by the time she was six weeks old (don't hate me, please). I did not expect Greg to do THAT, because it's pretty rare. He did show promise, though; he was sleeping ten-hour stretches at three months. However, that screeched to a halt at the four-month mark, when he decided that it was way cooler to sleep for only two or three hours at a time. He's gotten better since then (we regularly get at least a 5-7 hour stretch each night), but I spent most of the summer in an exhausted haze, chugging Coke like it was water and craving sleep like an addict craves their next fix. It's a good thing he's cute and smiles adoringly at me several times a day. He's a happy baby, although his first few months were tough due to infant reflux. He still takes medicine for it, but it seems to be much more controlled now.

5. Besides the two children thing, this winter/spring/summer has been somewhat emotionally stressful for me and my family because someone I love dearly was diagnosed with a MAJOR HEALTH ISSUE in January. Two weeks before Greg's birth, as a matter of fact. I'll talk about that later, in much more detail. Don't worry; no one is dying (as far as we know).

6. I'm still doing my very very part-time chaplain gig for Bon Secours Hampton Roads. I love the work, I love the chaplains in both Spiritual Care departments (I work at two hospitals), and I love the hospitals themselves. The facilities are not nearly as nice as those at Riverside, but I've found that the staff is friendlier, more caring, and generally has a much higher view of chaplains than at Riverside. I'm seriously considering staying in the chaplaincy field and not going back to the local church. Problem is, the job market for chaplains is kinda tight, especially if you want to stay in one geographical area (which I do).

7. Susanna turned three at the end of August and started preschool a week later. She's attending a preschool run by our church, and we've been very pleased so far (and she loves it, which is also important). She is talking a blue streak and it seems like her vocabulary doubles every day. She is still not potty trained, but we're working on it and know that it will happen someday, and hopefully that someday will be soon! My parents say that she is the "spitting image" of me when I was her age. Susanna is, however, much much taller than I was. She has never gone below the 75th percentile for height, and at her three-year checkup was 39.5" tall and 36 lbs (both 90th percentile). She wears size 4 clothing easily and we're probably going to have to convert her bed from the toddler bed to the full-size bed (she has one of those convertible cribs that is currently in the "toddler bed" mode) within the next year.

And that's all for now, folks! Have a great Friday!

To Make Up For Seven Months of No Posts...PICTURES!

Greg at seven months old!

Susanna on her first day of preschool!

Susanna riding a tricycle

My two beautiful children!

My second wedding (as an officiant)! Me with Kris (groom) and Laura (bride).

Gregory James

Greg arrived at 2:07 p.m. on February 9. He weighed 6 lbs, 15 oz and was 19 1/4" long. Labor and delivery were quick (six hours from when they started the Pitocin to delivery) and largely uneventful. We had a little scare with jaundice and weight loss (he lost 12 oz in three days), but a weekend of nursing/pumping/supplementing with pumped milk helped him gain some of that weight back. At his two week checkup, Greg weighed 6 lbs, 12 oz, so he had gained back most of what he lost.

Susanna is doing well with being a big sister. She has her jealous moments, but largely seems to love Greg and shows concern for him. She likes to go into his room and visit him.

James took three weeks off (his company gives two weeks paternity leave, and he took a week of vacation), which was a huge blessing. He went back to work yesterday, and I'm adjusting to being alone with them during the day.

Breastfeeding is going much better this time than with Susanna, largely thanks to the incredible lactation consultants at our local hospital. I'm using a nipple shield and still pumping 3-4 times a day, but at least he's nursing most of the time. I rented a breast pump for the first month, to make sure that my milk supply would be well-established. It is...my freezer is rapidly filling up!

Tomorrow's the Big Day

I saw my OB this morning and had our third non-stress test, which Greg passed. I am about 2-3 cm dilated and "somewhat" effaced (I guess this OB doesn't do percentages). We're to report to L&D before 7am so the doc can come in and break my water. Then they'll hook me up to Pitocin (and many people who have been induced tell me that I'll soon be screaming for an epidural) and hopefully a baby will come out "the usual way" by dinnertime, if not sooner.

I would rather have gone closer to 40 weeks and would rather go into labor naturally, like I did with Susanna. But this extra fluid has me fairly uncomfortable, poses risks for Greg, and my doctor has assured me that with the additional factor of Greg being potentially larger than Susanna, inducing me at 38 weeks (according to my original dates) is best for both of us. So I'm OK with the induction.

We covet your prayers tomorrow, and I'll update as soon as I can. Almost everyone who reads this blog is either on Twitter or Facebook, so you may hear about the birth multiple times. Of course, there will be the isolated person (on Twitter, Facebook, and the e-mail list that I'll send out) who, two weeks from now says to me, "Oh, I didn't know you had a baby..." Sigh...

Also pray for Susanna. Her world is about to be rocked, and I don't think she (despite all the preparation) has a clue.

Well, That Was Unexpected...

I had an OB appointment today. They did an ultrasound to check the level of amniotic fluid and Greg's estimated size. It's common with this practice. Anyway, Greg is a little on the large side. He is currently estimated at 7 lbs 2 oz. He also has a lot of amniotic fluid, which while not a HUGE deal, could cause "cord issues" because he has more room to maneuver.

So, Greg and I will be going in for non-stress tests every Monday and Thursday to make sure that he's doing OK. Then, I have a scheduled induction on February 9. That's a Tuesday. That's TWELVE DAYS from now.

Yeesh!!

Flakes of the World, Unite!

On a day when I REALLY needed a laugh, I stumbled upon this:

The Complete Flake's Guide to Getting Things Done

The first few paragraphs are what made me laugh, because it describes me perfectly. Anyway, enjoy if you're a flake or love someone who is a flake.

Same Mommy, Different Pregnancies

In general, I've found my pregnancy with Greg to be much, much easier than my pregnancy with Susanna. There are a few possible reasons for this. First, I've carried him mostly through the fall and winter and not in the heat of summer. Second, I have less stress in my life this time around (I'm not a pastor and while my grandmother's death at week eight made me sad for a while, it affected me less than Bill's death did when I was 24 weeks pregnant). Here's a breakdown of what's different and the same with my pregnancies so far:

Different:
-Greg made me throw up for most of the first trimester. With Susanna, I only threw up twice; the rest of the time I was simply nauseous.
-I've only gained 17 lbs so far with Greg, so anticipate my total weight gain to be somewhere around 20-22 lbs. With Susanna, I gained probably close to 40 lbs. Of course, I wasn't chasing around a two-year-old then.
-My blood pressure has stayed well within normal range this time. With Susanna, I had elevated blood pressure from week 20 on, and I'm pretty sure that I was borderline pre-ecclampsia towards the end.
-No swelling whatsoever with Greg (knock on wood), but with Susanna EVERYTHING was swollen (ankles, feet, hands) from the third trimester onward. Again, I think the heat had something to do with it.
-I had to take the three-hour gestational diabetes test with Susanna, and it was VERY CLOSE to being positive. With Greg, my one-hour test was well within normal limits.
-I feel less cumbersome and have more energy this time than with Susanna, although I think the weather is a big factor.
-I think I'm carrying Greg lower than I did Susanna. Or at least differently. Maternity pants that fit fine last time don't really fit this time...they pretty much fall down. On the other hand, my pair of "fat pants" still fits...at 35 weeks. It's hard to describe, but it's been sort of frustrating, because I have about three pairs of pants that I am comfortable in, and the rest require constant adjustment.
-I have now had two UTI's with Greg, and had none with Susanna.

Similarities:
-I had bronchitis in the third trimester with both of them.
-I was exhausted during the first trimester with both of them.
-I'm craving corn nuggets and other nutritious food (HAHA) with both.
-Tons of Braxton-Hicks contractions from about 26 weeks onward.

It will be interesting to see how Greg's labor compares with Susanna's!

The Second Kid Gets the Shaft, Indeed

Greg is due on either February 24 (according to my dates) or March 3 (according to my ultrasounds). He'll come when he wants to, but he's coming soon. The good news? Right now, he does have someplace to sleep...a nice Pack and Play with a bassinet that his loving sister is handing down to him. The bad news? He doesn't really have a nursery right now. His nursery is our office, which is still fairly full with my desk and bookshelves, all of which need to be moved downstairs, where our new office/living room is located. The nursery situation will change very soon, because Greg's furniture (ordered YESTERDAY from Babies R Us) should arrive within two weeks. It's this pattern: http://www.babiitalia.com/html/bi_pts.html

Thanks to an awesome sale and a coupon, we were able to buy the crib, combo dresser/changing table AND a five-drawer dresser for the same price as just the crib and the combo dresser (our original plan). And even once we throw in the bedding (not purchased, but we know what sort of theme we want), mattress, and bed rails, we will have spent SIGNIFICANTLY less than we did on Susanna's furniture (we didn't get as good of a deal with her stuff). We're moving the glider from her room to Greg's room, so didn't have to worry about that.

I'll confess to feeling slightly guilty that here I am, 34-35 weeks pregnant, and just beginning to put the nursery together. At this point with Susanna, we had everything set up (for the most part), clothes were washed and put in drawers, and I may even have had my hospital bag packed. However, I also wasn't chasing around a two-year-old while in my third trimester of pregnancy. And since Greg doesn't really have many clothes yet (we've bought him two outfits; our friend Shelly bought him a couple cute 3-6 month outfits), it's not like it's a big deal that we have no place to put the clothes. Our friends Joel and Melissa (the ones we went to Disney with) have graciously offered to loan us their son's clothes (he's about a year older than Greg), but we need to pick them up. Which we'll do in the next few weeks. They also have a few things that we lent them and a few items of baby equipment that they're lending us.

Things we still need to buy:
-changing pad cover
-breast pump (I may rent one for the first few months...still deciding)
-Non-pink washcloths and towels
-bedding
-mattress
-Dreft
-Diapers
-Paint (and paint the room)
-A double stroller (I want to buy a Sit and Stand), but that can wait a few weeks. I've been looking for one on Craigslist and at local consignment shops, but have had no luck.

I could also use a new baby monitor, because...well, I just want a new baby monitor. Susanna's technically works fine, but the second parent unit died a while ago and I can't make it work with batteries, so it has to be plugged in all the time. We shall see. A new monitor is not as important as some of the other stuff I've mentioned.

Regardless of our lack of preparation, we are very excited to meet our little guy in a few weeks. I have an ultrasound on the 28th to check his size and the level of amniotic fluid, and I can't wait to get to "see" him again. I guess this time, we realize that Greg isn't going to care if he doesn't have a perfect nursery from day one, or if he has to use his sister's hand-me-downs. And I definitely don't think either of the above will affect his acceptance into Harvard. :)

Reflection on Disney Trip

Overall, we had a really great time at Disney, and do plan on returning sometime in the next few years. The company was great (thankfully, we are still friends with Joel and Melissa, which is a relief) and it was nice to go with people who knew the ropes, so to speak. While it's certainly possible to just show up, buy tickets, and do Disney for a few days, it's even nicer to have a strategy, avoid the peak crowd times, and have nifty experiences like Ohana and the character breakfasts (which often require reservations months in advance). I was pretty impressed by the overall customer service, the quality of the food, and the cleanliness of the whole complex. It really is a pretty amazing place and they do a phenomenal job of crowd control without appearing obvious. While it is expensive, I do think you get a lot of bang for your buck, if you pick and choose carefully.

The negative parts of our experience were largely outside of human control. First, the very hot and humid weather sort of put a damper on things. We had planned the visit for late October in order to avoid the heat, but basically wound up arriving during a heat wave. We had expected 70s and low 80s (and wouldn't have been unhappy with 50s or 60s), but wound up with high 80s and equally high humidity. Second, there were the stomach issues the men had for most of the trip. It's no fun being on vacation and being sick to your stomach. Third, Melissa and I each came down with something on our last day. Mine was just a bad cold, but as she found out upon returning home, hers was H1N1, and Josh wound up getting it, too. Then Susanna came down with an ear infection and James' stomach thing came back along with a sinus infection...so it took us about two weeks to recover from Disney, health-wise. Our friends have been passing back flu and colds and whatnot for the past six weeks, so we actually haven't seen them since getting off the plane. We're hoping to see them next weekend.

The bottom line? We had a good time (I had a great time, but James' experience was marred), are thankful for the experience (and to Joel and Melissa for their DVC points, because otherwise we either wouldn't have been able to go OR would have had to stay off-site), and hope to return sometime in the not-too-distant future. I definitely want to experience more of the parks (particularly Epcot and the Animal Kingdom, since we didn't see much of either), James wants to go on another Segway tour, and we both want to go back to Ohana and Biergarten (and I want to take James to Boma, since he missed out). Next time, I won't be pregnant (we've decided that two kids is enough for us) so I can go on roller coasters and we're thinking about aiming for a mid-December/early January trip to avoid crowds and hot weather. And if we can afford it, then I'd like to be able to spend a few more days...to have a couple of "resort/chill" days built in, where we simply enjoy the resort, rest, play mini-golf, go shopping, etc. And we would love to take a day or two and go to Sea World and Universal Studios.

By the way? While Disney is very family-friendly, it's also a fun place for adults, too. So if you don't have kids, I still highly recommend it as a way to get in touch with your inner child.

Disney Trip Day 6: Magic Kingdom, Trip Home, and Even More Illness

On Friday morning, we woke up early (thanks to our pint-sized alarm) and began packing up the room. Our plan was to check out, load up the van with our luggage, and spend time at the Magic Kingdom before heading to the airport around 4pm.

The night before, I had begun feeling the beginnings of a cold, and by morning it was coming at me full force. I was still feeling well enough to do stuff, and wasn't about to waste our last day at Disney. Melissa had woken up with a low-grade fever, so she wasn't feeling that great, either. We ate breakfast, got the van packed, checked out, and took the boat to the Magic Kingdom.

The crowds were worse on Friday than they had been our entire visit. The main reason for this was our bad timing that day; the MK was the park with "extra magic hours" that day. Basically, anyone staying in a WDW resort could come an hour early and/or stay three hours late. Melissa had designed our "touring plan" so we'd AVOID going to a park on the day it had extra magic hours. However, things had gotten mixed up between illnesses and such, so there we were. It wasn't horribly crowded, but more so than it had been on Tuesday.

Our first stop was the Monsters Inc Laugh Floor, because a) it was air conditioned and b) Susanna and James hadn't experienced it yet. After that, we headed over to Frontierland/Adventureland. I had us stop at near the castle to have one of the Disney photographers take a picture of James, Susanna, and me (it's the one on the blog). Melissa and Josh waited for us while we did that (it took maybe five minutes). Once we were done, Melissa said that they had to go back to the hotel, because the heat was just too much. We agreed to meet back at the hotel later that afternoon.

The heat, and James' still-recovering stomach, proved too much for us, too. We didn't do much after that; James went on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and all three of us went on the Pirates of the Carribbean ride (not the best choice for a two-year-old, but it was at least air-conditioned). Then we decided to look for lunch...and discovered that there was pretty much nowhere in the MK (or at least, near us) where James could find bland food. So...we decided to call it a day and head back to the resort. We ate lunch at Roaring Canyon, and Josh and Melissa joined us about halfway through the meal (she had eaten already, but had a drink). Then, we decided to drive around the WDW complex and look at Disney Vacation Club properties from the comfort of the van (James and I were, and still are, contemplating DVC ownership, but can't afford it right now). Then, we headed to the airport. Several long lines later (it took us almost an hour to get through security with an infant, a toddler, two adults, two car seats, two strollers, and several carry-ons), we arrived at our gate, boarded the plane, and finally arrived back home.

Tomorrow I'll provide a brief reflection on our Disney experience and share some of the aftermath (health-wise) of our Disney vacation.

Disney Trip Day 5: Animal Kingdom and Cape May

We started off Thursday pretty early, taking the bus to the Animal Kingdom. We had reservations at 8:05 for a character breakfast at Tusker House in the AK. For some reason, the AK doesn't open its parking lot until right before it opens...at 9am. Therefore, we had to take the bus, which wasn't a bad experience at all. James didn't feel like waking up that early (the only reason Susanna and I went was because she was WIDE AWAKE at 6:30 am), so he stayed at the resort with plans to meet us later.

It was, however, a very very very hot day, possibly the most humid day of our trip. I was sweating by the time we got to the restaurant. The meal was delicious and the characters were dressed in safari gear. Susanna began to warm up to the characters, and even managed to not scream or cry when we took a picture with Donald.

After breakfast, we touched base with James, who was awake and getting ready to head to the park. The rest of us did a few things to amuse ourselves while waiting for him. First, we went on the Safari ride. It was awesome, and while there were signs saying pregnant women shouldn't go on it, I saw no justification for those warnings...at least for those of us with normal, healthy pregnancies. It was a great way to see a bunch of animals, and fairly tame. After the safari ride, we headed over to the kids area and went to the Lion King show. Susanna loved that, because she loves music and dancing, and there was plenty of that. Once the show was over, James called me and said that he was at the front gate. Susanna and I went to meet him, while Joel and Melissa took Josh to meet some characters.

Side note: I should mention that Melissa made Susanna and Josh each three creative autograph books, with pages for every possible character, including sections for the two character breakfasts. However, due to Susanna's fear of/timidity around the characters, I decided not to force her to meet characters. Therefore, her autograph books are still largely blank, while Josh's have many more signatures. I figure we can get more autographs next time we go to Disney.

After we met James, we went on the safari ride for a second time, so James could have the experience. It was just as good the second time around. Then, we headed over to another part of the park and the non-pregnant people went on Expedition Everest, a roller coaster. I watched the kids, who pretty much looked at me and each other (we joke that Susanna and Josh are besotted with each other) . After the non-preggos returned, we decided to get lunch outside of the park, because a) it was really really hot and b) none of the counter service restaurants in the AK are air conditioned.

So, we decided to eat at Mara, the snack bar at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. We took the bus over to the AK Lodge, ate a delicious meal, and headed back to our resort for rest and to do some laundry. After a few hours of air conditioning and napping, we felt ready to head out again.

Our dinner reservations were at Cape May, which is a seafood buffet at the Beach Club resort. It was yummy, but not the best food (or the best service) we had during our vacation. James, unfortunately, began feeling sick towards the end of the meal, so we cut out a little bit early. Joel also had to get up very early the next day. He had a class on Friday afternoon (he's getting his master's degree) and his flight left pretty early on Friday morning. The rest of us weren't flying out until 6pm or so on Friday.

Up next: our last day at Disney and H1N1 begins to show its ugly face.

Disney Trip Day 4: Mickey, and Segways, and Boma, Oh My!

On Wednesday, Susanna and I woke up bright and early to attend the Chef Mickey's breakfast at the Contemporary Resort. It's a character breakfast, so we got to interact with Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, and Pluto. I think Donald may have been there, too. The food was scrumptious, and Susanna wore her Belle dress (a hand-me-down from cousin Kaitlin), which led to us and everyone else referring to her as "Princess Susanna". (NOTE: We had decided to NOT do the Princess Breakfast because it costs a lot more, and we wanted to wait until she might have a chance of really remembering it.) Susanna's reaction to the characters ranged from ambivalence to absolute terror, but Josh absolutely loved them.

After breakfast, we headed back to the resort to check on James, who had stayed behind because he was feeling pretty rotten. We were hoping he would be feeling slightly better, because as their birthday present to James, Joel and Melissa had booked a Segway tour of Fort Wilderness for both of "the boys" and it was scheduled for 11am. James is a trooper, so he grabbed his Gatorade and went on the tour. While the boys were exploring Ft Wilderness, Melissa and I took the kids to Downtown Disney and did some shopping. We also ate at Earl of Sandwich, which was quite tasty. Once we ate, the boys were done with their tour and Susanna was fading fast (she needed a nap, and was getting very fussy), so we left. We picked up the boys and Susanna and I went back to the resort for a nap while Melissa took everyone else back to Downtown Disney for lunch (the boys hadn't eaten yet) and more shopping.

That evening, we had dinner reservations at Boma, which was at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. James' stomach wasn't feeling up to African food and Joel wasn't hungry yet (they hadn't eaten until 2pm, and it was just after 6pm), so Melissa and I took the kids to dinner and left the boys at the resort. It was a buffet, but Disney buffets are in a class by themselves. The quality and variety of the food is excellent, and Boma was no exception. I could have stayed and eaten all night, but our kids wouldn't allow that, and I think Melissa (the driver) would have gotten a little impatient, too. Susanna's favorite part was the fresh fruit, including strawberries and cataloupe (her faves). If you go, I highly recommend the carrot-ginger soup and zebra domes, among many other items.

Once we rolled ourselves back to our rooms, we said goodnight and headed to bed/our own devices. The next day we were planning on another character breakfast and some time in the Animal Kingdom.

Disney Trip Day 3: Another One Bites the Dust

Since we didn't have to wake up early for the launch, we slept until we woke up. Of course, for Susanna that was no later than 7:00 a.m. It was James' birthday, so I let him sleep in while I got her and myself ready. Once that was accomplished, we headed down to breakfast. Sometime around then, James woke up and elected to spend the morning at the resort rather than head to the Magic Kingdom. Susanna and I met up with Melissa and Josh (Joel was better, but resting) and the four of us headed to the MK.

We spent a few hours at MK, mostly in the Fantasy Land area. We went on a bunch of rides, including the carousel, Dumbo, the Pooh ride, and Mickey's Philharmagic. We were getting hot and decided to head back to the resort for lunch and rest. We met up with the boys at Whispering Canyon, ate lunch, and then the three Moneys headed to our room, changed into swimming attire, and spent some time at the pool.

After our pool time, we went back to the room and took a quick nap. Around 3pm we reunited with Joel, Melissa, and Josh and headed for Epcot. We had dinner reservations in Epcot and wanted to spend some time in the park before dinner. Melissa and I took the kids to the Finding Nemo ride and Talking with Crush while the boys went on Test Track. We then joined the boys and headed over to the Land pavillion. The non-pregnant people went on Soarin' and I watched the kids, which was fun, since Susanna kept playing peek-a-boo with Josh.

When we left the building, we discovered the first disaster of the night. During the half hour or so we were inside, it had POURED. Strollers weren't allowed in the building, so we (and everyone else) had parked our strollers outside. The fabric was SOAKED, so the strollers were unusable until they dried out. We removed the fabric covers and I thought I could use a hand dryer to remove the worst of the wetness. Of course, so many paper companies sponsor stuff at Epcot that there were only paper towels in the bathroom, not hand dryers. So much for that idea. So, with a non-walking nine-month-old and a newly walking two-year-old, we headed for Germany in the World Showcase...on foot. Susanna decided walking was overrated after about ten minutes, so James and I alternated between carrying her and pushing the stroller. Joel and Melissa didn't have it much better, since Josh wasn't walking at all.

We finally arrived in Germany, where we had reservations at Biergarten for James' birthday dinner. We took the stroller covers inside, hung them up on our chairs so they could air dry, and attacked the buffet. It was scrumptious, with lots of German foods. As I was going back for the third time (for dessert), James cornered me and told me that he was feeling really sick to his stomach. We needed to leave, ASAP. So, I shoveled down some apple strudel, we asked for and paid the check, and got the heck out of Dodge.

Of course, getting the heck out of Dodge isn't as easy as it sounds when you have sopping wet strollers (we had been in the restaurant for maybe half an hour), a sick birthday boy, a recovering sicko, two young children, and a pregnant woman. It probably took us 45 minutes to get back to the main park entrance, maybe longer. Melissa had to help me out at the end by carrying Susanna, because my back and hips were killing me.

We got back to the car and stopped at a convenience store (yes, they have one in the WDW complex) to get James some Gatorade. When we got back to the resort, he went to lie down and I hurried to the gift shop, praying fervently they would have some Gas-X (the convenience store didn't have any). Thankfully, the resort store did have Gas-X. James took some and we all went to bed.

Up Next: Chef Mickey's, Segway Tour, Downtown Disney, and Boma.

Disney Trip Day 2: The First One Falls

We woke up Monday morning. and began to get ready to go to Hollywood Studios for the day. As we began to head to breakfast, Melissa and Josh came out from their room with some bad news. Joel had been sick to his stomach the previous night, and obviously was not going to be joining us that morning. So the five of us headed to breakfast at the snack bar and then drove over to Hollywood Studios (the car was a nice thing to have, because we didn't have to deal with waiting for the buses with two small children).

It was already hot when we arrived. By "hot" I mean in the mid-80s with probably 60% humidity. Within a few hours, it was easily 90 degrees. The weather stayed like that our entire visit, which made things a little more difficult, especially for the pregnant woman. We went to the Playhouse Disney attraction, which was fun for the kids AND air-conditioned. We also met Chip and Dale and Josh (who at nine months had no fear of the characters) met the Little Einsteins. James went on the Aerosmith Roller Coaster while Melissa, the kids, and I hunted down Muppet paraphernalia for Bart. We did get FastPasses for "Toy Story Mania", but they weren't until 2:00 or so, and we had to leave before then. By noon, we were pretty toast between the heat and the walking. So, we headed back to the resort for lunch and rest.

After lunch, we ascertained that Joel was still not feeling well. He and Melissa had prepaid tickets to a wine-tasting event at the Japan area in Epcot. So they didn't waste a ticket, James went with Melissa while I stayed behind with the kids (since I obviously couldn't go wine-tasting). If you follow me on Twitter or are my Facebook friend, you probably saw me post something like, "my husband has ran off to Japan with another woman." Thankfully, despite being wooed with sake and sushi, James retained his senses and came back to me about three hours later.

Our plans for that night were to head to Epcot for the Food and Wine Festival, which is held every October. Joel was feeling slightly better, so all six of us headed out in the car. It was a very yummy experience; every few feet there was a different booth representing a different country, selling food and beverages from that country. I ate strawberry shortcake and crawfish etouffe from the U.S., a coconut shrimp stew from Chile, chicken souvlaki from Greece, and escargots en croute from France. The portions were sample-sized and cost between $3-6 a piece, so you could taste a bunch of stuff and not spend a fortune. The booths also sold samples of wine from the country, and of course Germany and the US had beer for sale, too.

Unfortunately, Joel began feeling worse as the night wore on, so we made a very quick lap around the World Showcase and headed back to the resort. We wanted to go to bed early anyway, because Melissa (who is, literally, a rocket scientist with NASA) had gotten us causeway tickets for the Aries launch down at the Kennedy Space Center. We needed to be awake at 3am to get ready and down there in time.

However, we had really underestimated how bad off poor Joel was. Within an hour of us returning to the resort, he had gotten much worse, clearly was not going to be able to go with us tomorrow, and Melissa decided (and we agreed) that it wasn't a good idea to leave him alone at the resort for most of the day while we went to Kennedy. It all worked out, though, because the Aries launch was postponed because of heavy fog. So if we had gone down there, it would have been an exercise in futility.

Coming tomorrow: Tuesday's report, including James' birthday, yet another illness, and the Magic Kingdom.

Disney Trip Report: Day 1

At the end of October, we went to Disney World with our friends Joel and Melissa and their son Josh (who was almost nine months old and simply adorable). They're total Disney pros and usually go about once a year (sometimes more). They own a Disney Vacation Club timeshare, and generously used their points to rent two studios (one for us, one for them), which saved us a huge amount of money. We stayed at the Wilderness Lodge Villas, which was a really nice resort. I highly recommend it. We arrived on Sunday and left on Friday, which gave us four full days and two half days in Orlando. It was the first time James and Susanna had been to Disney and I hadn't been in about 12+ years.

On our first day, Sunday, our plane arrived a little after noon. Joel and Melissa (who had flown in the day before to see family) picked us up at the airport in the rented minivan (that was our contribution, since they provided accommodations). We went directly to the resort, checked in, got briefly oriented, ate lunch at Roaring Forks (the snack bar at the resort), and headed to the Magic Kingdom for a little while. We were able to access the MK via boat from the resort, which was very convenient. We spent about two hours at MK: I bought Susanna a pair of mouse ears and Melissa got her a "My First Visit" pin. We went on a few rides in Tomorrowland (the People Mover, Monsters Inc Laugh Floor, and one or two others that I forget), and then headed out for dinner.

We had reservations at Ohana, which is at the Polynesian Resort. We took the monorail from MK to the Polynesian, which was very convenient. Dinner was really really yummy. The food was brought to the table and served family-style, but it was all you can eat. Very heavy on the meat, with salad, noodles, and bread as side items. Think of a Brazillian steakhouse with a Polynesian twist. And the dessert was this bread pudding concoction that was to. die. for. Melissa (who made all the lodging and dining reservations) had told everyone that James and Joel were celebrating birthdays that week (James' was on Tuesday, Joel's was the next Sunday, but it was close enough), so the waiter brought cupcakes in addition to the dessert. They also had cute little buttons that said, "Happy Birthday _______" with their name written in the blank. People would see the pins and wish them happy birthday. It was kind of cute.

After we rolled ourselves back to our rooms, we said goodnight and headed to bed, because it was already 9pm and we had a long day.

Coming tomorrow: Monday's report, including tales of illness, heat, and the Epcot Wine & Food Festival!

Busy Weekend

This weekend has been, and will continue to be, very busy. Last night I was on-call, which means that I turned my pager on shortly before 9pm and turned it off shortly after 10:30am this morning. I respond to any deaths, "code blues" (cardiac arrest), or major crises that need a chaplain. I am paid for three hours (one hour travel, two hours of work) each time I respond to a page. Last night, I received one page at 3:30am, for a death. I headed to the hospital, spent time with the family, documented the visit, and returned home around 5:45am.

Later that morning, Susanna and I headed to Richmond (about two hours away) to meet with K and L, who are getting married in October 2010. I'm doing the wedding, so we've been meeting every few months for pre-marital counseling and ceremony planning. I'm glad we started early, since Greg is coming and I will be out of commission for March and most of April.

Susanna and I returned home around 6pm, and we made chicken nuggets and mac and cheese for dinner. Gourmet, I know. We also watched "The Muppets Take Manhattan", and Susanna went to bed (her bedtime is pretty firmly set at 8pm). Later, James and I watched a DVR'd episode of "House".

Right now, I'm doing laundry so that James (and I) have clean clothes to wear next week. Tomorrow I'm working all day (10:30-9) at DePaul, so I won't have time to do much tomorrow. The good news is that I should have a nice paycheck coming my way next week. :)

And Here's Gregory!

Isn't She Beautiful?

This was taken in late September/early October. I think the photographer had the idea of her holding the bouquet and looking demure, but Susanna had other ideas.

Tired

I'm too tired to post much tonight. I spent the day with Her Royal Highness (as I usually do) and then went to one of the hospitals I work at for a group memorial service. It was for all the families who had lost a loved one at the hospital over the past six or so months. Very nice. Then, I stopped by Babies R Us to buy diapers.

I was going to try and post some photos, but Blogger is having issues right now. Those of you who are my friends on Face*book have seen most of them, anyway. I'll try and do them tomorrow.

Have a great night!

The Past Two Months

Quick bullet points about our life over the past few months:

• Susanna began walking, and then took off. She's not running yet, but she walks very fast, is learning to jump and kick, and is basically unstoppable. She is a textbook two-year-old, complete with tantrums about minor things (today she screamed for five minutes because James wouldn't take her for a truck ride). She's about 35 inches tall and weighs 29 lbs. She is beautiful, intelligent, and has a feisty personality. I fear what my life will be like when she is a teenager. The good news is that she is also loving and sweet. She absolutely adores "Sesame Street" (Elmo in particular), playing outside, coloring, reading, and Simon. She and Simon are the best of friends, although he does sometimes give me this look that says, "and you're having ANOTHER one? There will be TWO of these around here?" We converted Susanna's crib into a toddler bed (it's one of those convertible cribs that morphs from a crib to a toddler bed with rail to a full-size bed) in mid-October, and I think she likes her "big-girl bed." The transition has gone well, with the exception of naps, which she often takes in her Pack and Play, because otherwise she won't stay in bed and then trashes her room.
  
• At our 20 week ultrasound, we found out that we're having a boy! We've decided to name him Gregory James. We're turning our office into the nursery and our living room will become our office. We have a family room, and weren't using the living room for much anyway, so it works out. Our house has four bedrooms, and we wanted to still have a guest room, so transforming the office into the nursery was the best option. We still have to clean out the room, paint it, order furniture, and decorate the room. It boggles my mind, but somehow it will get done. We're planning on ordering the furniture sometime after Christmas. We had picked out a set that we really really liked at a local independent baby store. However, that store closed overnight, so it's a good thing we didn't order from them. Now it looks like we're going to get a similar line from Babies R Us, which is actually going to cost about the same amount. It's only supposed to take seven to fourteen business days to arrive, so we can order it fairly late. If, for some reason, the furniture doesn't arrive by the time Greg does, we have a Pack and Play with a bassinet. I was going to have him sleep in that (in our room) for the first few weeks/months, anyway.
  
• The last week of October, we went to Disney World. That will get a post of its own, complete with pictures. In general, we had a lot of fun, although we did get sick and it was HORRIBLY hot. We were hoping to avoid the heat by going at the end of October, but apparently got there during a heat wave (90 degrees! 70% humidity!) which made us somewhat uncomfortable.
  
• We spent Thanksgiving at home and with my family for the first time in eight years. We hosted it (James did the cooking, I did the cleaning) and while it was exhausting, it was a lot of fun.
  
• James still loves his job, and they love him (very important in this economy). I'm really proud of him for getting an incredible evaluation and the top raise for the second year in a row. He works hard, is good at what he does, and it shows! I'm enjoying my job, and will probably blog about that at some point.
  

Hi! Yes, We're Alive!

OK, so I admit to have sunk to a new low by not posting for two and a half months. There are several excuses, and I'm sure you want to hear them. First of all, as you know, I am pregnant. And I have a two-year-old. Of course, that's a really lame excuse, since Alyssa posted regularly when she was pregnant with her THIRD child and working full-time. I'm barely working part-time. Of course, Alyssa clearly has super powers that I do not have.

My second reason goes a little deeper than the first one. If you're a longtime reader of this blog, you might have noticed that my blogging dipped significantly shortly after I started at St. John's in 2006, and then took a nosedive after we left Danville in 2008. I made the mistake of putting a link to the blog in my e-mail signature and several church folks began reading my blog. Then, they got upset about some things that I wrote...like about a mouse in a parsonage, how quickly news travels in the parish, and one or two other things. I began having to "censor" what I wanted to write about. It made blogging less fun. Obviously I couldn't blog much when things got REALLY bad at the end and didn't feel comfortable blogging about it afterward, either.

So, this January I started a totally anonymous blog, where I mostly talk through and process the whole SJ experience and the aftermath. By totally "anonymous" I mean that I haven't identified myself or my location by name, and use pseudonyms for James, Susanna, and anyone else I mention. I did share the address with James, and he reads it regularly, but almost no one else in my real life knows the address. If you really really want to read what I've written there, e-mail me. I'm not going to promise that I'll give you the address, especially if you're related to me.

Anyway, I've put a lot of time and effort into that blog, where I can be a little more open and honest about what's going on in my life. As a result, I've sort of abandoned this blog. I'm sorry about that, and I'm going to try and do a better job of updating this blog, especially in the month of December, when I'll try and post something every day. Last month was National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) and I posted every day at the other blog. I really enjoyed doing that, so I'm going to try and post every day here for the month of December. We'll see how I do, although I reserve the right to skip a few days if necessary. I am, after all, in my third trimester of pregnancy.

Dual Vocations

It's been almost three weeks since my residency ended, and the past two weeks I've pretty much been in my "stay-at-home mom" routine. While it's still very early in the game, right now I love it. I don't miss going to (paying) work and am enjoying the chance I have to attempt to make the house clean and orderly. I enjoy spending time with my daughter and not being exhausted in the evenings after driving an hour from the hospital. Of course, there are rough moments. Nora just turned two, and it seems like overnight she became the classic two-year old with tantrums and obstinacy. My patience wears thin some days. I'm not getting as much done as I'd like to, between fatigue (still! at 16 weeks!) and the explorations of an active two-year-old (she just learned to climb the stairs and she gets into everything, even when contained on one level). However, the good outweighs the not-so-good, and I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

In a way, I think that I've been struggling between my vocation as a clergyperson and my vocation as a mother ever since Nora was born. I don't believe the two are incompatible, and I know plenty of women who do both very well and even thrive. Their children thrive, too. I admire my friends and colleagues who fall into the above category. I'm just not sure that I'm called to both work a full-time (or even substantial part-time) job AND be a mother. I wind up feeling too torn and unable to do either vocation well. Right now, even if a high-paying, full-time, chaplain job (or the perfect parish) fell into my lap, I don't think I'd want to take it. Seriously. Even if it was "perfect" and the salary was amazing. I want to be able to focus my heart and my energy on my family, and I'm blessed to be able to do so.

I have, under my belt, an education that someone (me and Harry, my parents, some foundations, my paternal grandparents' estate, Uncle Sam) paid over $100K for, five units of CPE, and thousands of dollars and hours and hours of time spent working towards ordination in the UMC. I'm currently on family leave, and have five years (after this year) before my time as a provisional elder "runs out" and I have to begin again. Some might say that I am "wasting" all that I've worked for and not using my gifts. I'd have to disagree with them. I'm sure that Nora and Junior (our current name for baby #2) will benefit from my education and training. I also have the security of knowing that if something happened to Harry or his job, I would be in a better position to provide for my family than if I did not have a graduate degree and subsequent training. Finally, I do not believe that one needs to be in an "official" ministry position in order to practice their vocation.

I don't know how long this current season will last, but for now, I'm content. My family is stable and thriving, and so am I. I feel at peace and am doing what I feel God wants me to do. What more can I ask for? What more can any of us ask for?

On Her Own...

Isaiah 40:31 "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not be faint." (Or something along those lines; I'm doing it from memory.)

This morning, during her PT session, Susanna took first two, then six, then eight, and then twelve steps on her own! She is two years, two weeks, and four days old. She's been in physical therapy for 10 months, been walking with one hand held for almost two months, and we were beginning to think that she'd never walk on her own (well, not really, but you know what I mean). We've met with a neurologist, had bloodwork done, she had an MRI brain scan, but everything seemed "normal." We were told it was just "a matter of time." It's been a long road, and very discouraging at times. But today made it all worth it.

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement along the way! I also want to give a "shout out" to Debi Adamson (our rock star physical therapist), the nice folks at La Petite Academy (who worked wonderfully with Susanna and integrated her into the toddler class), Dr. Cherry at Chesapeake Pediatrics, Dr. Northam at CHKD Neurology, and the Motorola Krazr cell phone that served as powerful incentive this morning!