Our World News Lutherans OK full communion with United Methodists - UMC.org

Our World News Lutherans OK full communion with United Methodists - UMC.org

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New Job...Or Actually, Jobs

My residency program ends a week from today. My initial plan (at the beginning of the summer) was to look for a full-time or substantial part-time chaplain job. Then we found out that Junior was "baking" AND I researched daycare costs at our current center (which I love love love). Do you know how much full-time daycare would be for a two-year-old and an infant? Try almost $1500 a month. And then there's the "I don't wanna leave my babies in the care of others for 8-10 hours a day" issue. So, I decided to stay at home at least through Junior's first birthday and find some other ways to make money/stay engaged in my vocation.

There are three major health systems in this area and one independent hospital. They often hire "PRN Chaplains" to cover night duties and fill in when a regular staff member is sick/on vacation. About a month ago, I saw a posting for one of these positions and applied for it. I had a phone interview about two weeks ago, and an interview about 10 days ago. I felt great about the interview, but expected it to be two weeks before I heard anything. On Monday morning, I found out that I had been offered the position. I accepted it, and have spent this week running around doing pre-employment stuff (forms, health screening, badge photo, etc).

I'm pretty excited about the job. I'll be doing one or two nights a week, taking calls from home via a pager. I get paid a minimal amount just for carrying the pager and then get paid when I'm actually called to the hospital, for the time that I'm there. If a regular staff chaplain is away for any reason, I may be called in to work a regular shift.

The nice thing about this position is that it will allow me to stay home with Susanna and Junior when he arrives while still contributing to the household coffers and keeping my feet wet in the chaplaincy field. For the month of September, I'll also be helping out at Riverside, doing on-call nights for pay. The 2009-10 residency program was initially cut by administration but has recently been "resurrected", so us current residents will be helping to cover evenings and weekends until the new residents have begun.

Blast from the Past

Like Joelle, over at Skating in the Garden, I am a huge figure skating fan. Unlike Joelle, I don't skate myself; I just watch figure skating. I first become enthralled with it back in 1992 at the Albertville Games, at the young age of 15. I watched Paul Wylie win the silver medal and was hooked. For some reason, I thought of that performance the other day. I haven't seen it in years; at one point I had a VHS tape but I don't know what happened to it. Anyway, thanks to YouTube, I found it online. I thought I'd share it for your viewing pleasure. Not sure who the commentators are; it might be a Canandian broadcast because they seem a little subdued and mention a lot of Canadian skaters. As opposed to Scott Hamilton, who did a lot of the commentary for the US broadcast and was literally shouting with joy at the end of the program.

Resurrection of Sorts

It's been a fun few days around the Money house...or if not fun, at least interesting.

Susanna ran a fever until this morning, when it apparently disappeared for good. Her fever hovered between 101 and 102 degrees and besides a clear lack of appetite (she was drinking enough, but eating almost nothing) and general fussiness, was her only symptom. We took her back to the pedi this morning, and they said everything looked fine, it probably was just a virus, bring her back on Thursday if she still has a fever, etc.

This afternoon, she woke up from her nap and James took her to Moe's for daddy-daughter bonding time (I'm at work tonight). She ate her entire (kiddie-size) quesadilla. And some chips and sour cream. Yay!!!

Tomorrow, she'll be able to go back to daycare for the first time since Thursday. They'll be delighted to see her (really, I think the director is going to cry when Susanna leaves in two weeks) and James and I can go back to life as normal without having to make contingency plans each day. On Friday, Mom came and watched her. Yesterday, I switched shifts with my colleague M so I could stay home with her. Today, James stayed home for half the day so I could have my "health assessment" for my new job (more on that later!) and took her to the pedi. Tomorrow's plan was for me to drop Susanna off at Mom and Dad's on my way to work. While Mom is happy that Susanna is feeling better, she seemed disappointed that she wasn't going to get to have extra "Nani-Susanna bonding time."

My Final Self-Evaluation for the Residency

1. Describe your understanding of the strengths and limitations of your ministry.

Strengths: I am authentic, transparent, self-aware, enthusiastic, compassionate, love people and hearing their stories, am open to personal change and transformation, preach and lead worship effectively, and am flexible/collegial (I don't need everything done my way, and I don't mind "out of the box" thinking/doing). I am also persistent when I want to be.

Limitations: I'm still seeking a good balance between: head and heart (as Doug told me once, my heart leads me to be compassionate, but my head leads me to maintain distance and I tend to rely upon my head); spontaneity and intentionality (I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, and am realizing that I can't be the person I want to be and not be intentional/deliberate about certain areas of my life); and pleasure and obligation (if I spend too much time doing "fun" stuff and am not productive enough, then I get consumed by guilt and overwhelmed. Likewise, if I spend too much time working/doing housework/whatever, then I lose any sense of fulfillment and run into exhaustion and resentment). I also struggle with the "tyranny of the they", meaning I often allow the opinions/perceptions of others guide my decisions, actions, and self-perceptions more than I would like. I do feel like I've grown in all these areas over the past year, especially the final one.

2. Describe your ability to provide ministry to a variety of people with particular attention to cultural and ethnic diversity, social conditions, systems, and justice issues, which may differ from your own.

I now realize just how much our own experience/culture informs how we view and interact with the world and those in it. My experience working with different families/patients (particularly those living in poverty or near to it), hearing/reading about the Tuskegee Experiment and the horrors of that, and encountering a young man who possesses incredible gifts for ministry yet is also an "open and out" homosexual, have all played a key role in this realization. As a pastoral care provider, I have a desire, an ability, and a duty to care for people who are different from me, but know that I may need to make adjustments in my method/role depending on the needs of the individual or family. One priceless lesson that I have learned is how important it is to HEAR peoples' stories, validate them and the feelings associated with them, and seek to understand where the other person is coming from before passing judgment (if any). I have a growing desire to work with people in order to bring about lasting change in individual lives and communities. I believe that so many cases of alcohol/drug abuse, poverty, and violence are largely due to systemic/cultural issues that contribute to poor choices on the part of an individual, not the other way around. I want to help empower individuals and communities, because I think a sense of powerlessness is part of the problem.

3. Describe your ability to make use of a variety of pastoral skills.

One of my biggest areas of growth this unit has been an increased confidence in, and use of, my own instincts. Instead of allowing my head to rule and my heart to follow along, I feel I am experiencing more and more moments when I follow my heart while being informed by my head. When the latter occurs, I have had moments of great personal fulfillment and a sense of effectiveness as measure by my own senses and by reactions of patients, families, and colleagues. For example, during a recent conversation with an 80-something woman who was moaning, "why don't I have any friends? How can I get friends?" I began to think of solutions to her problem and suggest them to her (head! she was asking a question! I was giving an answer!) only to immediately discover on my own that she didn't want answers right then, she wanted someone to BE a friend and listen to her. So, I listened for an hour, prayed with her, and offered appropriate questions/feedback when the time was right. It was one of my best visits ever, and at the end of the visit, she was calm and told me I had been her "angel." Up until recently, I believe that I possessed adequate, even good, pastoral skills. However, beginning to conquer this mountain has given me a confidence to USE those skills and therefore be more effective.

4. Describe your ability to provide specific pastoral care based on your understanding of behavioral science and theology.

I found this question hardest to answer, and saved it for last. I think that's ironic given the amount of attention I've paid to family systems over the past few months. I feel like I am able to observe and identify the basic workings of a specific family system, and provide pastoral care based on those observations. I have learned that depending on the system, a family may grieve and respond to death/crisis/tragedy in different ways. I feel that my role is to learn how that system works and meet them where they are, offering a different perspective at the appropriate time. In other words, to work as an agent of change and healing in a family, without imposing my own agenda on them. A lot of learning in this area occurred when my grandmother died, and I found myself crying beforehand, dry-eyed when I initially got the news, and telling people, "well, she lived to be 92, had a great life, we knew this was coming, at least she's not in pain anymore"...all things that drive me crazy when others say them, but they really were comforting to myself and my family. Observing the different ways my family and James' family handle grief has showed me that there is no "right way" or "wrong way" to do so...within reason, of course. In my own family and others, I have seen evidence of God's redeeming work within the dysfunction of a system, mostly thanks to individuals who were courageous enough to realize the need for change and make those changes.

5. Describe your ability to be accountable, productive, self-directed, and clear in your communication with others.

I believe that I have experienced significant growth in this area, although it remains a "growing area" for me, and probably will for some time. My growth has come in my willingness to a) admit this is a growth area, b) express a desire to change and explore the "whys" of this particular area, and c) understand that this goes way beyond buying a Palm Pilot and making lists; it's much, much deeper than that. I will say that I feel that my communication with others has improved this unit, particularly in my marriage, but also with my colleagues and supervisor. I'm beginning to realize that people can't read my mind and even those who know me very well can't always sense what's going on in my life...unless I tell them. I also believe that a lot of my current and future growth in this area revolves around being intentional and deliberate in both my personal and professional lives in order to accomplish what needs to be accomplished and on time to boot. Otherwise, my life controls me, when it ideally could be the other way around.

6. Describe your ability to make use of self in ministry with particular attention to emotional availability, appropriate self-disclosure, use of personal power, non-anxious presence, and responsible boundaries.

In some ways, I feel like being pregnant for about half of this unit and experiencing the decline/death of my grandmother both impeded and enhanced my growth in this area. Impeded because I was exhausted/nauseous so much of the time, was experiencing anticipatory (and then actual) grief, and really had to struggle to "be here" emotionally and physically. I tried not to let all the above affect my performance/participation, but I'm sure it did to a certain extent. Enhanced because I was committed to truly being present, was intentional at using the commute to work through emotions, and really made conscious efforts to acknowledge my emotions and the source of them, but not be controlled by them. As I've mentioned before, one of my proudest moments of the past year came when I held it together for two hours immediately before and during my grandmother's memorial service (which I led), despite all the emotions that were coursing through me, and heard my cousin say that she felt nothing but strength and peace coming from me. I don't think I could have done that (being a calm, non-anxious presence in that setting) a year ago. As my self-confidence has increased, I am much more confident establishing and enforcing boundaries, practicing appropriate self-disclosure, and using my personal power in a positive manner. I believe that parenthood has contributed a great deal to this growth; raising a toddler has opened my eyes to the necessity of boundaries ("no, we do not pull Mommy's hair") and to my power/influence as a parent, which for me transcends into my professional life.

7. Describe relationships with peers, and evaluate each peer.
The residents: I have thanked God many times since September for giving me such great colleagues. Thank you so much for speaking the truth in love, even though sometimes you needed to hit me over the head with it. I have appreciated your honesty, affirmations, critiques, and friendship.

The interns: as a group, you all have inspired and convicted me with your enthusiasm, gifts for ministry, initiative, creativity, and just being wonderful people overall. You have driven me to be a better person and therefore a better chaplain, and I am very grateful for that.

Note: individual evaluations have been deleted by me.

8. Describe relationship with supervision and evaluate supervisor.

Supervision: Having had one other supervisor (also very good) prior to beginning the residency, it took me a while to become used to Henry's slightly different supervisory style. With him, supervision is more like a conversation and the responsibility for direction lies equally with the student, especially during the later units. Once I realized that he did not have a secret passage in his office that led to the woodshed, I began to look forward to supervision as a time to bounce thoughts and ideas off of him and receive feedback on those thoughts. With very few exceptions (always related to me, not him), I have always left supervision feeling better and being clearer than when I began.

Supervisor: I'd say that I want to be Henry when I grow up, but I don't think I want to be a CPE supervisor, so there you go. I have spent many hours thanking God that I was able to have Henry be my supervisor for this residency. He was exactly what I needed at this time in my life and ministry. After having so many authority issues, it has been such a blessing for Henry to encourage me to use my own judgment and exercise my own authority (within reason, of course).

9. Describe relationship with other professionals.

I have enjoyed working as a team member in the ER, ICU, CCU, and with Palliative Care. Those are the settings where I have felt most like a team member and less like an independent contractor. My biggest authority issues in the past have been with ER staff, but I have received so few ER pages in the past few months that I haven't encountered any issues in that department. I have really enjoyed going on ICU rounds on Fridays when we don't have seminars and hearing the perspective of other disciplines on a patients care. I think one of the best examples of my growth in working with other professionals occurred a few months ago, when I was paged to a terminal extubation. The family was present, and death was expected to occur fairly quickly. Instead, when they extubated the patient, she woke up and within a few minutes was gasping for air (no oxygen, just room air) and clearly agitated. This made the family agitated, of course, because they were not expecting this. To make a long story short, I relayed the family's concern to the nurse and asked her what comfort measures could be put in place to make things easier for the patient/family. She wound up giving the patient oxygen through a nasal canula and a shot of Atavan (sp?). Within moments, the patient was asleep and much more peaceful, and so was the family. The nurse thanked me, explained that it was her first terminal extubation, and we had a few moments of "I couldn't do your job, but no, I couldn't do YOUR job, thanks so much" affirmations. I was careful to acknowledge her as the expert in medical care (compared to me, anyway) but knew that I had a responsibility to help her care for the patient, and show her what I was seeing.

10. Describe your ability to self-supervise.

I feel like a lot of growth has occurred in this area, just over the past few months, and I have seen the evidence in my clinical material and the response to it. Where before, Doug and the residents had to drag stuff out of me and "do my work for me", now I feel like I'm doing much more work on my own, and only rely on my peers and supervisors for insights I might have missed. I do feel so much more confident in naming my strengths, being creative, and standing by my decisions. Previously, I feel like I relied way too much on others to "show me the way" and to tell me who I was. However, now I feel that I know who I am, what I bring to the table, and where I need to improve. While I welcome feedback and input, and will continually seek arenas where I can receive it, I feel comfortable going about my professional and personal life without a "ride-along", to use Steve's terms. I think this (my confidence in self-supervision) will be tested in a matter of weeks, once the residency ends and I devote he majority of my time to being a wife and mother, with my only "colleague" during the day being a two-year-old and receiving feedback each night when my husband comes home.

11. Describe your learning goals and success in achieving them.

• To decide on a summer project
  • Met. I essentially decided that my summer project was going to focus on me, so I consider this goal to be met. I feel that this final unit has been one of great learning and realization for me.
• To decide about my immediate future, beginning September 1
  • Met. I will continue to seek a PRN/per-diem chaplain position, but will focus the majority of my time and energy on my growing family. I will continue to meet with my therapist once every two weeks for continued growth. I will speak with my D.S. about my sense of calling, and come June/July 2010 will probably seek a full-time chaplain job or a part-time parish position.
• To grow in my ability to follow my instincts, rather than "being safe."
  • Met. I have discovered that when I follow my instincts, I usually wind up with a great sense of fulfillment and joy. Realizing that provides me with motivation to go beyond "safe mode."
• To develop my ability to move beyond listening and facilitation to a deeper means of providing pastoral care
  • Met. I feel like a lot of this growth has occurred outside of the hospital (in my marriage, with family and friends), but I've learned the lesson that who I am as a person very much informs who I am as a pastoral care provider. A big part of this growth came when I realized how much I feel cheated when friends/colleagues merely enable me and offer sympathy instead of speaking the truth in love.
    

Breastfeeding Promotion Act

Someone posted this on a listserv I belong to. As someone who breastfed her first child and plans to breastfeed her second child, I think this is very important. I was blessed to be in a position where I could take breaks to pump milk. However, I know a lot of women in the workplace do not have that freedom. Let's stand up for them.

Please follow this link to sign the petition:
http://momsrising.democracyinaction.org/o/1768/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=27296

"Last week, our petition on paid family leave highlighted how important it is for new moms to have paid time in order to successfully breastfeed their infants. This week, we tackle another part of the problem: When moms return to work, breastfeeding often gets even harder. But there is hope. The Breastfeeding Promotion Act, recently introduced in Congress, would establish common-sense workplace policies to make it easier for women to continue nursing after they return to work.

Tell your representatives in Congress to support the Breastfeeding Promotion Act today!
Today, 56% of mothers with infants are in the workplace, and many of them face huge barriers - or outright discrimination - when they return to work and need to take breaks in order to pump milk. Tenia from Maryland shared, "I find it appalling that it's left to individual supervisors... if, where and for how long a nursing mother can pump at work! I was told it would depend what my workload looked like if I would be 'allowed' to pump."

• The Breastfeeding Promotion Act, introduced by Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney (NY) and Senator Jeff Merkley (OR), would support employers and nursing moms in the following ways:
  • Requiring employers to make reasonable efforts to provide appropriate space and break time for mothers to express milk; Protecting breastfeeding women from being fired or discriminated against in the workplace;• Providing tax incentives for businesses that establish private lactation areas in the workplace; and• Allowing families to deduct the cost of breastfeeding equipment on their taxes, as is the case with other common medical expenses.

Some mothers who return to work choose to stop breastfeeding, but many of those who do wish to continue find it next to impossible because of barriers in the workplace. Even well-intentioned employers may be unaware about how to accommodate nursing moms, leaving women using sheets to cover up in cubicles, cramming into bathroom stalls with breast pumps, or even hiding out in dingy supply rooms just to pump breast milk for their babies. Tell Congress to support the Breastfeeding Promotion Act today: The way to support mothers who choose to breastfeed is clear -- we need to provide new mothers with Paid Family and Medical Leave so they have the time to care for their infants, and also make sure they have the opportunity to return to a workplace that allows them to continue nursing!"

Update

Good news: I'm feeling better. Maybe I just needed some rest.

Bad news: Susanna has some sort of virus, so we just have to let it run its course. No antibiotics needed, just rest, fluids, and time. I'm hoping it's a 48-hour thing. She's still feverish and cranky.

Thank goodness for my parents living less than 20 miles away. Super Nani is coming to the rescue this afternoon so I can go to work and not take my final day of PTO...yet.

Mommy Guilt

I have a different work schedule for the next three weeks. Not sure if I mentioned it before. Anyway, Doug (my boss) told us residents that as long as there was 24-hour coverage, we could pretty much schedule our own time. So, we split each day into three slots: 12p-6p, 6p-12a, and 12a-6a. Judy (our staff chaplain) usually works 6a-2:30p. I've pretty much claimed the 12p-6p shift, so I can be with Susanna for part of the morning and still be home by 7 or so.

This morning, I woke up feeling not too hot. After breakfast, Susanna seemed a little fussy/pooped also, so I put her down for a nap. She slept for 2 1/2 hours. That should have been my first clue. She seemed a little warm, but I checked her temp and it was fine. When we got to daycare, she seemed excited to be there and "walked" (holding my hand) into her classroom. I headed to work.

I dropped her off around 10:45 or so. I walked in the office at 11:57 or so. Five minutes later, I get a call from the daycare director. Susanna has a fever of 101.5. I apologized profusely, explained that she hadn't had a fever two hours ago, and arranged for James to pick her up.

Now I feel guilty...I sent my baby off to daycare while she was feeling bad, and I should have picked up on the signs that she wasn't feeling well.

James is home with her now, and either he or my mom will stay with her tomorrow if needed. I have ONE DAY of PTO left.

I'm feeling cruddy, too. I hope it's nothing major. I really wanted to use that day of PTO for something somewhat fun...like an OB appointment, a children's consignment sale, and my brother's birthday party.

The planning begins...

I need to adjust the pregnancy ticker on the blog, because it's now a week off. At my ultrasound on the 24th (the day before my grandmother died), I was measuring one week behind my initial due date (based on my cycle), so they changed my official due date to March 3 (it was February 24, which would have been Nani's 93rd birthday). So, as of right now, I am 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

Now that I'm moving into the "safer" zone of pregnancy (meaning a miscarriage is becoming less and less likely), I/we have begun thinking and planning about important stuff. Like, oh say, where is this kid going to SLEEP? We have a Pack and Play with bassinet, so he/she will be in that for the first few months, unless he/she takes after Big Sister*. As for a permanent sleeping arrangement, we have an initial plan. We are blessed with a four-bedroom house, and we think we're going to move the office downstairs to our living room and turn the former office into the baby's room. This way, we'll still have a guest room and office space. I suggested that the kids could share a room, but James vetoed that idea, especially if baby is a boy. Our current plan is to let Susanna keep her furniture and buy new furniture for Baby...although we're going to spend a lot less than last time. We will move the glider from Susanna's room into the nursery.

I've accepted the fact that we're probably not going to be able to avoid buying a double stroller, since S has yet to walk. I've found one that I like (you can see it by clicking here) and am trying to find it used on Craigslist. I might be able to get away without one for a while, if I use the Baby Bjorn (oh, how I'd love an Ergo, but have yet to find one used OR a friend who can loan me one) or a sling (I don't have one of those, but can find a used one for $10 or so).

Next to furniture and a double stroller, our other necessary purchase will be a breast pump for me. I borrowed my cousin's Pump in Style last time and gave it back to her when she had #2. She offered it back to me, but thought it would be ages/possibly never before I had a second child, so told her to pass it on to someone else. So, I'm thinking about a Med*ela Pump in Style Ad*vanced. Even if nursing goes great this time around (remember how I exclusively pumped for six months?) I will still want/need a good pump to build up a good storage of milk for when I'm not with Baby or have supply issues.

Other than those items (and bedding, can't forget bedding)...I think we'll have everything we NEED. Except for clothes, but if it's a boy, our friends have promised to lend us their boy clothes. If it's a girl, we'll need to buy some clothes, since the seasons will have been different. But I can always get a bunch of second-hand clothes off Craigslist or at a thrift/consignment store.

Of course, I'd love a new baby monitor (the one we have is second-hand, gets lots of static, and only has one working parent unit) and a new diaper bag. We shall see. Those fall into the "want" category.

Any veteran, multi-child mommies have any advice? I'm trying to be fairly low-cost and low-maintenance with this child. Clearly, I have nothing against buying used/borrowing from friends, and am so thankful that we NOW live in an area with lots to offer young families (children's consignment stores! active Craigslist!) and have friends with young children living nearby.

*We had plans to keep Susanna in the PnP for 4-6 months, too. However, that all changed when she made it very clear that she preferred her crib and was a bad roommate. She slept in her crib almost exlusively from two weeks old.