More Advent Ideas

Check out this link for some great ideas for celebrating Advent with kids:
http://www.conversiondiary.com/2010/11/baby-steps-for-celebrating-advent-a-cornucopia-of-ideas.html

Three is (not so much) a Magic Number

I included the above video so in case you've never heard the song "Three Is A Magic Number" by Schoolhouse Rock, you can be properly educated. My tenth grade English teacher used to play this for us frequently. Why? I don't know. He just did.

So, Susanna has been Three for almost three months. I have heard many conflicting reports about Three. Many of my friends warned me about how awful their children were at Three, even worse than at Two. Still others assured me that Three wasn't that bad because you can REASON with a three-year-old. And many people told me that it was a really fun age. Based on these varying reports, I had no idea what to expect.

They were all right.

There are many wonderful, wonderful things that I'm enjoying about having a child who is Three. First, Susanna's speech has improved by light years in the past four or five months. She can easily carry on a conversation, regularly uses four or five-word sentences, and appears to add new vocabulary on a daily basis. She's started to sing songs she learns in church, at school, or that she hears on the radio/TV. Second, her imagination has just taken off in the past few months. She loves to dress up and engage in pretend play. One of the games we play (I've dubbed it "Showtime") involves us taking turns performing for each other. She also likes taking turns singing "Happy Birthday" and blowing out imaginary candles on a cake made out of Play-Doh. Third, she is much more aware of the world around her, and is beginning to have (somewhat) significant relationships outside of our family with her teachers, classmates, and others. This may be unique to Susanna, but she's also been very affectionate with us and with Greg. It's kinda cute.

But then there are the negative aspects of Three, and these negative aspects make me glad that I have nine guaranteed Susanna-free hours a week. First, she is extremely stubborn and always wants things done HER way. If she doesn't get her way, then there is Great Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth. Or, she simply refuses to do what we ask her to do, regardless of the consequences. Exhibit A: dinner. Our rule is that she needs to eat at least two bites of her dinner (which is exactly what we're having for dinner, no exceptions) if she's going to watch TV later. However, she keeps on refusing to eat and THEN throwing a temper tantrum when she asks for "Elmo" (aka "Sesame Street") and we tell her "no" because she didn't eat. Second, she seems to think that everything is hers, and we constantly hear the word "mine" be applied to things like my iPhone, James' iPad, Greg's toys, etc. Any correction to the contrary is met with Great Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth. Finally, she is alternately independent and dependent, both to great extremes. One moment she is insisting that she brush her teeth (badly) without assistance. The next moment she refuses to go down the stairs without me by her side and holding her hand. And again, any time I try and either help her/encourage independence (depending on the situation), there is....(all together, now) Great Weeping and Gnashing of Teeth.

So, I think the best description for Three comes from Charles Dickens: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." Here's hoping Four will be better...

Finding My Own Mothering Style

This year, the director of the preschool Susanna attends asked for volunteers to join the Parents' Council. I joined for three reasons: first, I wanted to be involved; second, I hoped it would be a good chance to make some friends of my own (two years after moving here, I still have precious few friends in this area); and three, if I made friends with some of the moms, then maybe our children could become friends.

The purpose of our first meeting was to discuss plans for the upcoming Fall Festival. The church was actually running it, but wanted the preschool to host a few activities for children. I attended the meeting, but had no clue what I would contribute. I had absolutely no ideas. During the meeting, most of the other moms came up with brilliant ideas: face painting, a hayride, a bounce house, painting pottery, story-telling, etc. They enthused about different craft ideas and offered supplies from their personal stash. I sort of sat there and allowed myself to have an inferiority complex about what a sub-standard stay-at-home mom I am because I don't subscribe to Oriental Trading, almost never engage my child in craft projects, and can't tell stories using funny voices.

I'm a good mother. I know that without a doubt. I may only have three years of mothering under my belt (and the hardest part is yet to come), but so far my children are happy, healthy, well-adjusted, well-behaved (at least around other people), and appear to love me and want to be near me. Heck, just tonight Susanna wouldn't let me leave her room until I read her a Bible story (from her kiddie Bible) and allowed her to kiss me.

But I think sometimes society paints this picture of "the perfect mother" and I (along with other moms) get tricked into thinking that unless we do X and Y and Z, we are falling short of the mark. We also compare ourselves to other mothers and maybe even our own mothers, and that does us no good whatsoever. My mom was/is an excellent mother, and there are many of her methods that I use with my children (and some, like "the subjunctive mood" that I'm holding onto for the right time). But then there are things that she did (like sew a good deal of my clothes when I was younger) that I just can't/don't want to do (I tried to learn how to sew, I really did. I even took a sewing class. But my fine motor skills are horrible, and I'm just no good at it. I don't enjoy it, either).

So, I can't/won't sew my children's clothes/costumes. But, I am very good at bargain-hunting and can find clothes that are stylish and good quality without spending a fortune.

I am not one of those moms who can't stand the thought of leaving her children for any length of time. I confess that every time I get called into work, I'm practically leaping with joy at the thought of being with adults for the day. I had no qualms at leaving both of them with my parents overnight last month, and would love to go away with James for longer than that. Of course I miss them and am delighted to see them when I return; I'm just able to enjoy being away from them, too. But, I have made some major professional sacrifices to be a stay-at-home-mom most of the time, and I've found that by spending the occasional day apart from them, I enjoy my children that much more.

I don't do crafts. I have no aptitude or interest in them. However, I send Susanna to preschool and Sunday school so she can have the opportunity to do crafts, and will happily purchase materials and encourage her creativity. I'll do the same for Greg when he gets older. I'm just not going to be leading Susanna and Greg in crafty activities. Ditto for making photo collages or anything else creative.

I don't lead my children in regular devotions and probably never will, unless they ask me to. But I pray for them, and with them, and I read them Bible stories. I also occasionally give theological lectures that are over their heads, but oh well.

Susanna has a partially-completed baby book and Greg has a totally empty baby book. However, chances are that if you ask me when either of them reached a milestone, I can give you at least a ballpark answer. And I have a good idea (also off the top of my head) of how tall they were/how much they weighed at a certain age. And unlike A CERTAIN MOTHER I SHALL NOT NAME, I have kept careful records of their immunizations, in case either of them ever need it as an adult.**

I didn't breastfeed either of them for a whole year, but I certainly put a lot of effort into it, and made it past six months with Susanna (exclusively pumping to boot!) and almost six months with Greg. (NOTE: Not that I think mothers who exclusively formula-feed are substandard. I just really wanted to exclusively breastfeed for a year for my own reasons). And the reason I stopped breastfeeding with both of them was so I could get back onto medications for my ADD and depression. In other words, so I could be sane and happy, both of which are essential for good mothering.

I also don't make my own baby food or buy organic, but also don't feed them McDonald's every day. Most importantly? I FEED THEM, and they're well-nourished and healthy.

Bottom line? While I'm not exactly the mother I "always imagined I'd be" and sometimes fall short of even my own standards, I am a good mother. I am developing my own mothering style, and realizing that so many of these little things aren't going to matter in the long run. After all, I don't remember if my mother did any crafts with me (I'm sure she did) and I certainly don't remember her making my own baby food, but I remember her loving me, and guiding me, and disciplining me when necessary. I remember her being THERE for me, and being my mother. And my hope, prayer, and expectation is that years from now, Susanna and Greg will be able to look back and say the same thing about me. And I believe that if I continue in the direction I'm going, they will.

I am a good mother. I may do things differently than my mother did, and I may do things differently than I ever expected I would, but I AM A GOOD MOTHER.

**When I was going through the process to become a certified candidate in the United Methodist Church, I had to fill out some health information that asked for the dates I received certain immunizations. I called my mom, and she said..."oh gosh, I know you got all those, but I have no clue when. The doctor's office always had that info." So, I called my pediatrician's office, and it turned out they had destroyed my medical records several years ago (since I was now 26 and hadn't seen them in at least six years). So...um...it all worked out somehow! Right! Actually, I've had my blood drawn and my titers (immunization levels) checked, so I know I'm immune to everything I need to be.

Seven Quick Takes Friday, Long Overdue Edition

1. Hi out there (waves and smiles guiltily)! OK, so it's been a while since I've posted. Probably all of my readers have stopped checking the blog and given up on me. But I'm back! And I have at least three future posts brewing! And maybe more! So, there. Come back, blog readers, come back!

2. Part of the reason that I haven't posted in so long is that I now have two children. And as those of you with two (or more) children know, 1+1 DOES NOT = 2. No, it's more like one plus one equals 20, or something like that. I had no clue how EASY my life was with only one child. Just like I had no clue how easy my life was before I had children.

3. In case you're curious, we are DONE with the procreation thing. I love Greg and Susanna, thank God for them every day, and am so delighted that we had two children. However, James and I mutually decided that for us, two children was enough. And that decision was made final in June at a urologist's office in Virginia Beach. (:

4. My children are very similar in some ways, but very different in others. They clearly resemble each other, are both somewhat stubborn, and have excellent appetites. But there are plenty of differences...An example is the sleep issue. Susanna was sleeping eight hours at night by the time she was six weeks old (don't hate me, please). I did not expect Greg to do THAT, because it's pretty rare. He did show promise, though; he was sleeping ten-hour stretches at three months. However, that screeched to a halt at the four-month mark, when he decided that it was way cooler to sleep for only two or three hours at a time. He's gotten better since then (we regularly get at least a 5-7 hour stretch each night), but I spent most of the summer in an exhausted haze, chugging Coke like it was water and craving sleep like an addict craves their next fix. It's a good thing he's cute and smiles adoringly at me several times a day. He's a happy baby, although his first few months were tough due to infant reflux. He still takes medicine for it, but it seems to be much more controlled now.

5. Besides the two children thing, this winter/spring/summer has been somewhat emotionally stressful for me and my family because someone I love dearly was diagnosed with a MAJOR HEALTH ISSUE in January. Two weeks before Greg's birth, as a matter of fact. I'll talk about that later, in much more detail. Don't worry; no one is dying (as far as we know).

6. I'm still doing my very very part-time chaplain gig for Bon Secours Hampton Roads. I love the work, I love the chaplains in both Spiritual Care departments (I work at two hospitals), and I love the hospitals themselves. The facilities are not nearly as nice as those at Riverside, but I've found that the staff is friendlier, more caring, and generally has a much higher view of chaplains than at Riverside. I'm seriously considering staying in the chaplaincy field and not going back to the local church. Problem is, the job market for chaplains is kinda tight, especially if you want to stay in one geographical area (which I do).

7. Susanna turned three at the end of August and started preschool a week later. She's attending a preschool run by our church, and we've been very pleased so far (and she loves it, which is also important). She is talking a blue streak and it seems like her vocabulary doubles every day. She is still not potty trained, but we're working on it and know that it will happen someday, and hopefully that someday will be soon! My parents say that she is the "spitting image" of me when I was her age. Susanna is, however, much much taller than I was. She has never gone below the 75th percentile for height, and at her three-year checkup was 39.5" tall and 36 lbs (both 90th percentile). She wears size 4 clothing easily and we're probably going to have to convert her bed from the toddler bed to the full-size bed (she has one of those convertible cribs that is currently in the "toddler bed" mode) within the next year.

And that's all for now, folks! Have a great Friday!

Product Reviews: The Indispensable, the Useful, and the Useless

I've been a parent for almost eight months now. Oh my gosh, that seems like a very long time. When I was pregnant with Susanna, I read books, visited websites, and viewed lists that told me WHAT TO BUY FOR YOUR BABY. They were very authoritative and convincing; some even made it sound like you were a horrible parent and were sacrificing your baby's future if you didn't provide him/her with the suggested items. After all, how was Baby going to get into Harvard if he/she didn't have a play mat with lights AND music AND nice, bright dangling things??? Truth be told, I fell for it all, hook, line, and sinker. Thankfully, James is a little more skeptical than I am, so he was able to reign in my fanaticism. Another reason why he's the best husband for me!

I'd like to prevent other people from being sucked into the same vortex as I was, so here's a list based on my experience of items that are either Indispensable (I'd rather give up a kidney than lose it). Useful (sure makes life easier, but not totally necessary), or Useless (don't waste your money). All of these things are frequently used sometime in the first six months. Keep in mind that this is just my opinion, and based on my experience.

Indispensable:

-Infant car seat: In those early months of life, when babies fall asleep at the drop of a hat, can't hold their head up well, and can't sit up by themselves, the infant seat allows you to carry/stroll them anywhere without disturbing them very much/at all. They can go from house to car to restaurant to stroller...you get the idea. The height/weight limits on most of them are high enough (29"/22 lbs) that they can be used until Baby is 6+ months old...some even up to a year old. Once Baby is too heavy to lug in the carrier, you can still keep it in the car and use as a car seat until they grow out of it. We used this infant seat from Graco, but in a different pattern.

-Stroller frame: Skip the bulky travel system and spent $50-60 on a stroller frame like this one. Heck, look on Craigslist or scour the classifieds for a used one and save money. It's lightweight, folds up easily, and has a nice-sized basket and cup holders. You can use it as long as Baby fits into their infant seat...usually anywhere from 6-9 months old. By the time you need to buy another stroller, you'll have a better idea of what you need/want, and Baby will be able to ride in an umbrella stroller, if you so desire.

-Play yard/travel crib with bassinet feature: I know a lot of people who forgo a traditional crib and use this instead, especially in a small home. Our initial plan was to use this for the first six months so Susanna could sleep in the room with us, and THEN transition her into the crib. She wound up sleeping in her crib from the beginning. However, we have used her Pack-n-Play a LOT when traveling, for nap times, and occasionally just to let her play in it. Since our new house is two-story, I'm planning on placing it downstairs so I can put her down for a nap/playtime without carrying her upstairs.

-Vibrating Bouncy Seat: I bought our bouncy seat for 1/2 price at a children's' consignment shop. It saved our sanity for the first month or two. I'm not kidding; we would place Susanna in it, turn on the vibrations, and she would calm down. As she got older, she became more interested in the music and light show that played. She grew out of it by five months, but it was really, really great while it lasted.

-High chair: Our is another hand-me-down from my cousin (God bless Lieu!). Even before Susanna started on solid foods we were using it at meals. We'd strap her in and roll her up to the table so she could be with us. Now that she's eating solid foods, we use it about three-four times a day. Look for one with a "sub bar" that's attached to the seat (keeps baby from sliding out) and that reclines. If finances/space are a major issue, consider trying this, which is cheaper, takes up less space, but still reclines.

Breast pump: If you're planning on breastfeeding, buy a double-electric breast pump. Buy one even if you're going to be a stay-at-home mom, because you will want/need to leave Baby with a sitter/relative/friend at times. Buy it BEFORE Baby is born; don't wait to buy it. Why? Because if for some reason you have trouble nursing (with latch, inverted nipples, whatever), you can still pump to build your supply and provide your baby with breast milk while any issues are being corrected. A manual or single electric pump won't be adequate to build/maintain supply. And if worse comes to worse, you can pump exclusively, which is what I did. For six long months. My breast pump (another hand-me-down from Lieu) was the Medela Pump in Style, which I highly recommend. Yes, it's expensive. However, formula is more expensive, and not nearly as good for Baby as "Mommy's milk." Even if you buy a breast pump and breastfeed (by nursing, pumping, or a combination) for just the first six months, you've probably saved $400 more than if you had only fed baby formula during that time (assuming you're using a brand-name formula with DHA and ARA).

Useful:

-Swing: Ours was a hand-me-down from my cousin and the style resembles this. I've heard a lot of people like cradle swings like this, too. Anyway, for now the swing has replaced the bouncy seat as the "soothing device" for Susanna. Who knows what we'll do when she outgrows the swing (very soon) and gets fussy/inconsolable? And for the record, we do hold, rock, talk to, and walk with Susanna when she gets fussy. I don't want anyone thinking that we just plop her someplace once she starts crying. No, we put her in this stuff AFTER we've tried consoling her ourselves, to no avail. It gives us a sanity break.

-Play gym: Beginning around 2-3 months old, this has amused Susanna very, very well. Even at almost eight months, she's discovering new things about it (like the cute baby in the mirror) and is becoming much more interactive, rather than just staring at the nice hanging things.

-Exersaucer: Another hand-me-down from my cousin, ours resembles this, without the arch thingy. It amuses her, it entertains her, and it exercises her legs. It also gives her a safe place to "hang" while Mommy and Daddy take showers and get dressed.

-Baby carrier: We use the Baby Bjorn, which we like and is useful for keeping Baby close to you and your hands free. James has used it in church, so he doesn't have to keep juggling her while getting up and down. I've also heard good things about the Ergo, slings, and some of the lower-end carriers (like the Snugli). It's nice when a stroller is impractical and you need to transport Baby.

-BundleMe/Car seat cover: Great if Baby is a fall/winter baby, because you can zip this baby up and keep them warm without worrying about loose blankets or a coat. Costs between $20-40, but I thought it was well worth it.

-Baby Monitor: Ours is a hand-me-down that we really don't need right now (the parsonage is a ranch, so we can hear Susanna easily unless we're outside/in the basement). I mostly use it at night and keep the receiver on my nightstand. However, we will be using it a lot more once we move since we'll be in a slightly larger house that has two stories. If I was going to buy a monitor, I'd buy this one because it has two receivers and is rechargeable.

I think I'll save the "useless" items for another post. This has gotten way too long.

Been to the Emergency Room

I don't think you've fully experienced parenthood until you've made a middle-of-the-night visit to the ER with your child.

Less than four hours after I wrote Thursday's post, I woke up to hear Susanna sounding like Darth Vader over the baby monitor. When I went to check on her, I could hear her wheezing from the doorway of her room. The on-call nurse had told me if her wheezing got that loud that I needed to take her to the ER. So...in the next thirty minutes I did everything possible to avoid doing just that. I fed her some Pedialyte, ran the shower for 20 minutes, and kept her upright to help her breathe easier.

Why did I want to avoid the ER? No, it wasn't for financial reasons. Nor was it laziness. It's because the ER at Danville Regional Medical Center is legendary for being S L O W. I've heard of people waiting FIVE HOURS in the WAITING ROOM, giving up, and heading to another ER (there are about three others within an hour's drive). I didn't want to take her there unless it was absolutely necessary.

Alas, none of my measures worked, so I got dressed, bundled her up and off we went. Please note that I had the presence of mind to write down her Social Security # before we left. We arrived at 1:50 a.m. Thankfully, we were taken back to a room within 45 minutes, saw a doctor almost immediately, and within 30 minutes Susanna was receiving a breathing treatment. She was still wheezing a bunch after her first breathing treatment, so they gave her a second one. Thankfully, the second one did the trick...mostly. She wasn't breathing normally, but was showing enough improvement that the doctor said she didn't need to be hospitalized. He wrote a few prescriptions and told me to take her to the pediatrician that day (Friday). The diagnosis he gave us was: bronchiolitis (click on the link if you want more info).

Thankfully, she's doing much, much better. She's sleeping through the night again, is wheezing very rarely, is coughing less, and has regained her appetite. I'm keeping her home with me for the next few days until she's fully recovered. In the meantime, several times a day we "drug her up" with Amoxocillin (for the ear infection), Albuterol (for the wheezing), and a cough syrup.

I'm hoping and praying that she stays healthy for the next two months. I can't handle too many more weeks like this past week. Of course, I'll deal with it if it happens again. But I'm hoping that it doesn't.

Mama's Girl All the Way!

I am so freaking tired, yet I can't go to sleep. Don't you hate that? I haven't gotten a full night's sleep all week. Susanna is sick. She developed a cough over the weekend. Monday night, we woke up about three times because she kept coughing. Tuesday, I kept her home from daycare "just in case." On Wednesday, a church member had surgery in Winston-Salem, so I took her to daycare, so I could go down there. She seemed to be a little better. When I got back on Wednesday night, she was much worse. She hadn't eaten much at all, she was extremely clingy, and her cough seemed worse. So, I took her to the urgent care clinic. Turns out that in addition to her cold (or whatever it is), she has an EAR INFECTION.

That's where the "Mama's Girl" comes in...I had tons of ear infections when I was little. My very first one ocurred when I was about Susanna's age. Amazingly enough, Amoxocillin hasn't changed in 20+ years...I recognized the smell as soon as I opened the bottle of oral suspension liquid. They also gave her another cough syrup, and I'm running the vaporizer whenever she's in her room. She was sounding sort of wheezy/raspy tonight, but she's asleep now. I'll probably call the doctor in the morning if she's not better.

It's very difficult to get work done while taking care of a sick child. Thankfully, she slept more than usual today, so I was able to get some things accomplished. I'll probably keep her home with me tomorrow, because I don't want her spreading anything to the other kids (or getting another bug). Hopefully she'll be right as rain by Monday!

Babies "R" Us

So, I spent my day off today in Durham. James had to drop his truck off at the Line-X dealer (in Durham) to get his bedliner sprayed on, so I dropped him off and picked him up at work. I also got a yummy BBQ lunch out of the deal. I took the opportunity of being in the "big city" to stop by Babies "R" Us and look at nursery furniture and other baby stuff.

This was only the second time I had been in a BRU. The other time, I was shopping for a gift and spent a whopping 10 minutes inside the store. Today I had more time, so I wandered around and looked at everything. Oh my gosh, the place is HUGE. It's kind of scary how big it is, and how much baby stuff you can get. I have a feeling that whenever we go to register (which may be soon, since James is dying to use the "zappy gun"), it will take several hours, and maybe even several trips.

I do not, however, think we will be buying our nursery furniture at BRU. I wasn't impressed with their variety or quality. We'll check out several other places, like USA Baby or the Bassett factory showroom, before making a decision. I may also see if there are any good children's consignment shops in Greensboro or Durham. We're buying a new crib for safety reasons (everything I've read STRONGLY suggests that), but I have no trouble buying good-quality secondhand "case pieces" like the changing table, dresser, glider, etc.

So...question for my readers with children: any good crib recommendations? I've heard that Bassett, ChildCraft/Legacy, Munire, and Ragazzi are good buys based on "bang for your buck." But I'd love to hear your opinion. Either leave a comment or e-mail me at patti.money@gmail.com