The Past Two Months

Quick bullet points about our life over the past few months:

• Susanna began walking, and then took off. She's not running yet, but she walks very fast, is learning to jump and kick, and is basically unstoppable. She is a textbook two-year-old, complete with tantrums about minor things (today she screamed for five minutes because James wouldn't take her for a truck ride). She's about 35 inches tall and weighs 29 lbs. She is beautiful, intelligent, and has a feisty personality. I fear what my life will be like when she is a teenager. The good news is that she is also loving and sweet. She absolutely adores "Sesame Street" (Elmo in particular), playing outside, coloring, reading, and Simon. She and Simon are the best of friends, although he does sometimes give me this look that says, "and you're having ANOTHER one? There will be TWO of these around here?" We converted Susanna's crib into a toddler bed (it's one of those convertible cribs that morphs from a crib to a toddler bed with rail to a full-size bed) in mid-October, and I think she likes her "big-girl bed." The transition has gone well, with the exception of naps, which she often takes in her Pack and Play, because otherwise she won't stay in bed and then trashes her room.
  
• At our 20 week ultrasound, we found out that we're having a boy! We've decided to name him Gregory James. We're turning our office into the nursery and our living room will become our office. We have a family room, and weren't using the living room for much anyway, so it works out. Our house has four bedrooms, and we wanted to still have a guest room, so transforming the office into the nursery was the best option. We still have to clean out the room, paint it, order furniture, and decorate the room. It boggles my mind, but somehow it will get done. We're planning on ordering the furniture sometime after Christmas. We had picked out a set that we really really liked at a local independent baby store. However, that store closed overnight, so it's a good thing we didn't order from them. Now it looks like we're going to get a similar line from Babies R Us, which is actually going to cost about the same amount. It's only supposed to take seven to fourteen business days to arrive, so we can order it fairly late. If, for some reason, the furniture doesn't arrive by the time Greg does, we have a Pack and Play with a bassinet. I was going to have him sleep in that (in our room) for the first few weeks/months, anyway.
  
• The last week of October, we went to Disney World. That will get a post of its own, complete with pictures. In general, we had a lot of fun, although we did get sick and it was HORRIBLY hot. We were hoping to avoid the heat by going at the end of October, but apparently got there during a heat wave (90 degrees! 70% humidity!) which made us somewhat uncomfortable.
  
• We spent Thanksgiving at home and with my family for the first time in eight years. We hosted it (James did the cooking, I did the cleaning) and while it was exhausting, it was a lot of fun.
  
• James still loves his job, and they love him (very important in this economy). I'm really proud of him for getting an incredible evaluation and the top raise for the second year in a row. He works hard, is good at what he does, and it shows! I'm enjoying my job, and will probably blog about that at some point.
  

Hi! Yes, We're Alive!

OK, so I admit to have sunk to a new low by not posting for two and a half months. There are several excuses, and I'm sure you want to hear them. First of all, as you know, I am pregnant. And I have a two-year-old. Of course, that's a really lame excuse, since Alyssa posted regularly when she was pregnant with her THIRD child and working full-time. I'm barely working part-time. Of course, Alyssa clearly has super powers that I do not have.

My second reason goes a little deeper than the first one. If you're a longtime reader of this blog, you might have noticed that my blogging dipped significantly shortly after I started at St. John's in 2006, and then took a nosedive after we left Danville in 2008. I made the mistake of putting a link to the blog in my e-mail signature and several church folks began reading my blog. Then, they got upset about some things that I wrote...like about a mouse in a parsonage, how quickly news travels in the parish, and one or two other things. I began having to "censor" what I wanted to write about. It made blogging less fun. Obviously I couldn't blog much when things got REALLY bad at the end and didn't feel comfortable blogging about it afterward, either.

So, this January I started a totally anonymous blog, where I mostly talk through and process the whole SJ experience and the aftermath. By totally "anonymous" I mean that I haven't identified myself or my location by name, and use pseudonyms for James, Susanna, and anyone else I mention. I did share the address with James, and he reads it regularly, but almost no one else in my real life knows the address. If you really really want to read what I've written there, e-mail me. I'm not going to promise that I'll give you the address, especially if you're related to me.

Anyway, I've put a lot of time and effort into that blog, where I can be a little more open and honest about what's going on in my life. As a result, I've sort of abandoned this blog. I'm sorry about that, and I'm going to try and do a better job of updating this blog, especially in the month of December, when I'll try and post something every day. Last month was National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) and I posted every day at the other blog. I really enjoyed doing that, so I'm going to try and post every day here for the month of December. We'll see how I do, although I reserve the right to skip a few days if necessary. I am, after all, in my third trimester of pregnancy.

Dual Vocations

It's been almost three weeks since my residency ended, and the past two weeks I've pretty much been in my "stay-at-home mom" routine. While it's still very early in the game, right now I love it. I don't miss going to (paying) work and am enjoying the chance I have to attempt to make the house clean and orderly. I enjoy spending time with my daughter and not being exhausted in the evenings after driving an hour from the hospital. Of course, there are rough moments. Nora just turned two, and it seems like overnight she became the classic two-year old with tantrums and obstinacy. My patience wears thin some days. I'm not getting as much done as I'd like to, between fatigue (still! at 16 weeks!) and the explorations of an active two-year-old (she just learned to climb the stairs and she gets into everything, even when contained on one level). However, the good outweighs the not-so-good, and I feel like I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing.

In a way, I think that I've been struggling between my vocation as a clergyperson and my vocation as a mother ever since Nora was born. I don't believe the two are incompatible, and I know plenty of women who do both very well and even thrive. Their children thrive, too. I admire my friends and colleagues who fall into the above category. I'm just not sure that I'm called to both work a full-time (or even substantial part-time) job AND be a mother. I wind up feeling too torn and unable to do either vocation well. Right now, even if a high-paying, full-time, chaplain job (or the perfect parish) fell into my lap, I don't think I'd want to take it. Seriously. Even if it was "perfect" and the salary was amazing. I want to be able to focus my heart and my energy on my family, and I'm blessed to be able to do so.

I have, under my belt, an education that someone (me and Harry, my parents, some foundations, my paternal grandparents' estate, Uncle Sam) paid over $100K for, five units of CPE, and thousands of dollars and hours and hours of time spent working towards ordination in the UMC. I'm currently on family leave, and have five years (after this year) before my time as a provisional elder "runs out" and I have to begin again. Some might say that I am "wasting" all that I've worked for and not using my gifts. I'd have to disagree with them. I'm sure that Nora and Junior (our current name for baby #2) will benefit from my education and training. I also have the security of knowing that if something happened to Harry or his job, I would be in a better position to provide for my family than if I did not have a graduate degree and subsequent training. Finally, I do not believe that one needs to be in an "official" ministry position in order to practice their vocation.

I don't know how long this current season will last, but for now, I'm content. My family is stable and thriving, and so am I. I feel at peace and am doing what I feel God wants me to do. What more can I ask for? What more can any of us ask for?

On Her Own...

Isaiah 40:31 "Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not grow weary, they shall walk and not be faint." (Or something along those lines; I'm doing it from memory.)

This morning, during her PT session, Susanna took first two, then six, then eight, and then twelve steps on her own! She is two years, two weeks, and four days old. She's been in physical therapy for 10 months, been walking with one hand held for almost two months, and we were beginning to think that she'd never walk on her own (well, not really, but you know what I mean). We've met with a neurologist, had bloodwork done, she had an MRI brain scan, but everything seemed "normal." We were told it was just "a matter of time." It's been a long road, and very discouraging at times. But today made it all worth it.

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement along the way! I also want to give a "shout out" to Debi Adamson (our rock star physical therapist), the nice folks at La Petite Academy (who worked wonderfully with Susanna and integrated her into the toddler class), Dr. Cherry at Chesapeake Pediatrics, Dr. Northam at CHKD Neurology, and the Motorola Krazr cell phone that served as powerful incentive this morning!

Our World News Lutherans OK full communion with United Methodists - UMC.org

Our World News Lutherans OK full communion with United Methodists - UMC.org

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New Job...Or Actually, Jobs

My residency program ends a week from today. My initial plan (at the beginning of the summer) was to look for a full-time or substantial part-time chaplain job. Then we found out that Junior was "baking" AND I researched daycare costs at our current center (which I love love love). Do you know how much full-time daycare would be for a two-year-old and an infant? Try almost $1500 a month. And then there's the "I don't wanna leave my babies in the care of others for 8-10 hours a day" issue. So, I decided to stay at home at least through Junior's first birthday and find some other ways to make money/stay engaged in my vocation.

There are three major health systems in this area and one independent hospital. They often hire "PRN Chaplains" to cover night duties and fill in when a regular staff member is sick/on vacation. About a month ago, I saw a posting for one of these positions and applied for it. I had a phone interview about two weeks ago, and an interview about 10 days ago. I felt great about the interview, but expected it to be two weeks before I heard anything. On Monday morning, I found out that I had been offered the position. I accepted it, and have spent this week running around doing pre-employment stuff (forms, health screening, badge photo, etc).

I'm pretty excited about the job. I'll be doing one or two nights a week, taking calls from home via a pager. I get paid a minimal amount just for carrying the pager and then get paid when I'm actually called to the hospital, for the time that I'm there. If a regular staff chaplain is away for any reason, I may be called in to work a regular shift.

The nice thing about this position is that it will allow me to stay home with Susanna and Junior when he arrives while still contributing to the household coffers and keeping my feet wet in the chaplaincy field. For the month of September, I'll also be helping out at Riverside, doing on-call nights for pay. The 2009-10 residency program was initially cut by administration but has recently been "resurrected", so us current residents will be helping to cover evenings and weekends until the new residents have begun.

Blast from the Past

Like Joelle, over at Skating in the Garden, I am a huge figure skating fan. Unlike Joelle, I don't skate myself; I just watch figure skating. I first become enthralled with it back in 1992 at the Albertville Games, at the young age of 15. I watched Paul Wylie win the silver medal and was hooked. For some reason, I thought of that performance the other day. I haven't seen it in years; at one point I had a VHS tape but I don't know what happened to it. Anyway, thanks to YouTube, I found it online. I thought I'd share it for your viewing pleasure. Not sure who the commentators are; it might be a Canandian broadcast because they seem a little subdued and mention a lot of Canadian skaters. As opposed to Scott Hamilton, who did a lot of the commentary for the US broadcast and was literally shouting with joy at the end of the program.

Resurrection of Sorts

It's been a fun few days around the Money house...or if not fun, at least interesting.

Susanna ran a fever until this morning, when it apparently disappeared for good. Her fever hovered between 101 and 102 degrees and besides a clear lack of appetite (she was drinking enough, but eating almost nothing) and general fussiness, was her only symptom. We took her back to the pedi this morning, and they said everything looked fine, it probably was just a virus, bring her back on Thursday if she still has a fever, etc.

This afternoon, she woke up from her nap and James took her to Moe's for daddy-daughter bonding time (I'm at work tonight). She ate her entire (kiddie-size) quesadilla. And some chips and sour cream. Yay!!!

Tomorrow, she'll be able to go back to daycare for the first time since Thursday. They'll be delighted to see her (really, I think the director is going to cry when Susanna leaves in two weeks) and James and I can go back to life as normal without having to make contingency plans each day. On Friday, Mom came and watched her. Yesterday, I switched shifts with my colleague M so I could stay home with her. Today, James stayed home for half the day so I could have my "health assessment" for my new job (more on that later!) and took her to the pedi. Tomorrow's plan was for me to drop Susanna off at Mom and Dad's on my way to work. While Mom is happy that Susanna is feeling better, she seemed disappointed that she wasn't going to get to have extra "Nani-Susanna bonding time."

My Final Self-Evaluation for the Residency

1. Describe your understanding of the strengths and limitations of your ministry.

Strengths: I am authentic, transparent, self-aware, enthusiastic, compassionate, love people and hearing their stories, am open to personal change and transformation, preach and lead worship effectively, and am flexible/collegial (I don't need everything done my way, and I don't mind "out of the box" thinking/doing). I am also persistent when I want to be.

Limitations: I'm still seeking a good balance between: head and heart (as Doug told me once, my heart leads me to be compassionate, but my head leads me to maintain distance and I tend to rely upon my head); spontaneity and intentionality (I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, and am realizing that I can't be the person I want to be and not be intentional/deliberate about certain areas of my life); and pleasure and obligation (if I spend too much time doing "fun" stuff and am not productive enough, then I get consumed by guilt and overwhelmed. Likewise, if I spend too much time working/doing housework/whatever, then I lose any sense of fulfillment and run into exhaustion and resentment). I also struggle with the "tyranny of the they", meaning I often allow the opinions/perceptions of others guide my decisions, actions, and self-perceptions more than I would like. I do feel like I've grown in all these areas over the past year, especially the final one.

2. Describe your ability to provide ministry to a variety of people with particular attention to cultural and ethnic diversity, social conditions, systems, and justice issues, which may differ from your own.

I now realize just how much our own experience/culture informs how we view and interact with the world and those in it. My experience working with different families/patients (particularly those living in poverty or near to it), hearing/reading about the Tuskegee Experiment and the horrors of that, and encountering a young man who possesses incredible gifts for ministry yet is also an "open and out" homosexual, have all played a key role in this realization. As a pastoral care provider, I have a desire, an ability, and a duty to care for people who are different from me, but know that I may need to make adjustments in my method/role depending on the needs of the individual or family. One priceless lesson that I have learned is how important it is to HEAR peoples' stories, validate them and the feelings associated with them, and seek to understand where the other person is coming from before passing judgment (if any). I have a growing desire to work with people in order to bring about lasting change in individual lives and communities. I believe that so many cases of alcohol/drug abuse, poverty, and violence are largely due to systemic/cultural issues that contribute to poor choices on the part of an individual, not the other way around. I want to help empower individuals and communities, because I think a sense of powerlessness is part of the problem.

3. Describe your ability to make use of a variety of pastoral skills.

One of my biggest areas of growth this unit has been an increased confidence in, and use of, my own instincts. Instead of allowing my head to rule and my heart to follow along, I feel I am experiencing more and more moments when I follow my heart while being informed by my head. When the latter occurs, I have had moments of great personal fulfillment and a sense of effectiveness as measure by my own senses and by reactions of patients, families, and colleagues. For example, during a recent conversation with an 80-something woman who was moaning, "why don't I have any friends? How can I get friends?" I began to think of solutions to her problem and suggest them to her (head! she was asking a question! I was giving an answer!) only to immediately discover on my own that she didn't want answers right then, she wanted someone to BE a friend and listen to her. So, I listened for an hour, prayed with her, and offered appropriate questions/feedback when the time was right. It was one of my best visits ever, and at the end of the visit, she was calm and told me I had been her "angel." Up until recently, I believe that I possessed adequate, even good, pastoral skills. However, beginning to conquer this mountain has given me a confidence to USE those skills and therefore be more effective.

4. Describe your ability to provide specific pastoral care based on your understanding of behavioral science and theology.

I found this question hardest to answer, and saved it for last. I think that's ironic given the amount of attention I've paid to family systems over the past few months. I feel like I am able to observe and identify the basic workings of a specific family system, and provide pastoral care based on those observations. I have learned that depending on the system, a family may grieve and respond to death/crisis/tragedy in different ways. I feel that my role is to learn how that system works and meet them where they are, offering a different perspective at the appropriate time. In other words, to work as an agent of change and healing in a family, without imposing my own agenda on them. A lot of learning in this area occurred when my grandmother died, and I found myself crying beforehand, dry-eyed when I initially got the news, and telling people, "well, she lived to be 92, had a great life, we knew this was coming, at least she's not in pain anymore"...all things that drive me crazy when others say them, but they really were comforting to myself and my family. Observing the different ways my family and James' family handle grief has showed me that there is no "right way" or "wrong way" to do so...within reason, of course. In my own family and others, I have seen evidence of God's redeeming work within the dysfunction of a system, mostly thanks to individuals who were courageous enough to realize the need for change and make those changes.

5. Describe your ability to be accountable, productive, self-directed, and clear in your communication with others.

I believe that I have experienced significant growth in this area, although it remains a "growing area" for me, and probably will for some time. My growth has come in my willingness to a) admit this is a growth area, b) express a desire to change and explore the "whys" of this particular area, and c) understand that this goes way beyond buying a Palm Pilot and making lists; it's much, much deeper than that. I will say that I feel that my communication with others has improved this unit, particularly in my marriage, but also with my colleagues and supervisor. I'm beginning to realize that people can't read my mind and even those who know me very well can't always sense what's going on in my life...unless I tell them. I also believe that a lot of my current and future growth in this area revolves around being intentional and deliberate in both my personal and professional lives in order to accomplish what needs to be accomplished and on time to boot. Otherwise, my life controls me, when it ideally could be the other way around.

6. Describe your ability to make use of self in ministry with particular attention to emotional availability, appropriate self-disclosure, use of personal power, non-anxious presence, and responsible boundaries.

In some ways, I feel like being pregnant for about half of this unit and experiencing the decline/death of my grandmother both impeded and enhanced my growth in this area. Impeded because I was exhausted/nauseous so much of the time, was experiencing anticipatory (and then actual) grief, and really had to struggle to "be here" emotionally and physically. I tried not to let all the above affect my performance/participation, but I'm sure it did to a certain extent. Enhanced because I was committed to truly being present, was intentional at using the commute to work through emotions, and really made conscious efforts to acknowledge my emotions and the source of them, but not be controlled by them. As I've mentioned before, one of my proudest moments of the past year came when I held it together for two hours immediately before and during my grandmother's memorial service (which I led), despite all the emotions that were coursing through me, and heard my cousin say that she felt nothing but strength and peace coming from me. I don't think I could have done that (being a calm, non-anxious presence in that setting) a year ago. As my self-confidence has increased, I am much more confident establishing and enforcing boundaries, practicing appropriate self-disclosure, and using my personal power in a positive manner. I believe that parenthood has contributed a great deal to this growth; raising a toddler has opened my eyes to the necessity of boundaries ("no, we do not pull Mommy's hair") and to my power/influence as a parent, which for me transcends into my professional life.

7. Describe relationships with peers, and evaluate each peer.
The residents: I have thanked God many times since September for giving me such great colleagues. Thank you so much for speaking the truth in love, even though sometimes you needed to hit me over the head with it. I have appreciated your honesty, affirmations, critiques, and friendship.

The interns: as a group, you all have inspired and convicted me with your enthusiasm, gifts for ministry, initiative, creativity, and just being wonderful people overall. You have driven me to be a better person and therefore a better chaplain, and I am very grateful for that.

Note: individual evaluations have been deleted by me.

8. Describe relationship with supervision and evaluate supervisor.

Supervision: Having had one other supervisor (also very good) prior to beginning the residency, it took me a while to become used to Henry's slightly different supervisory style. With him, supervision is more like a conversation and the responsibility for direction lies equally with the student, especially during the later units. Once I realized that he did not have a secret passage in his office that led to the woodshed, I began to look forward to supervision as a time to bounce thoughts and ideas off of him and receive feedback on those thoughts. With very few exceptions (always related to me, not him), I have always left supervision feeling better and being clearer than when I began.

Supervisor: I'd say that I want to be Henry when I grow up, but I don't think I want to be a CPE supervisor, so there you go. I have spent many hours thanking God that I was able to have Henry be my supervisor for this residency. He was exactly what I needed at this time in my life and ministry. After having so many authority issues, it has been such a blessing for Henry to encourage me to use my own judgment and exercise my own authority (within reason, of course).

9. Describe relationship with other professionals.

I have enjoyed working as a team member in the ER, ICU, CCU, and with Palliative Care. Those are the settings where I have felt most like a team member and less like an independent contractor. My biggest authority issues in the past have been with ER staff, but I have received so few ER pages in the past few months that I haven't encountered any issues in that department. I have really enjoyed going on ICU rounds on Fridays when we don't have seminars and hearing the perspective of other disciplines on a patients care. I think one of the best examples of my growth in working with other professionals occurred a few months ago, when I was paged to a terminal extubation. The family was present, and death was expected to occur fairly quickly. Instead, when they extubated the patient, she woke up and within a few minutes was gasping for air (no oxygen, just room air) and clearly agitated. This made the family agitated, of course, because they were not expecting this. To make a long story short, I relayed the family's concern to the nurse and asked her what comfort measures could be put in place to make things easier for the patient/family. She wound up giving the patient oxygen through a nasal canula and a shot of Atavan (sp?). Within moments, the patient was asleep and much more peaceful, and so was the family. The nurse thanked me, explained that it was her first terminal extubation, and we had a few moments of "I couldn't do your job, but no, I couldn't do YOUR job, thanks so much" affirmations. I was careful to acknowledge her as the expert in medical care (compared to me, anyway) but knew that I had a responsibility to help her care for the patient, and show her what I was seeing.

10. Describe your ability to self-supervise.

I feel like a lot of growth has occurred in this area, just over the past few months, and I have seen the evidence in my clinical material and the response to it. Where before, Doug and the residents had to drag stuff out of me and "do my work for me", now I feel like I'm doing much more work on my own, and only rely on my peers and supervisors for insights I might have missed. I do feel so much more confident in naming my strengths, being creative, and standing by my decisions. Previously, I feel like I relied way too much on others to "show me the way" and to tell me who I was. However, now I feel that I know who I am, what I bring to the table, and where I need to improve. While I welcome feedback and input, and will continually seek arenas where I can receive it, I feel comfortable going about my professional and personal life without a "ride-along", to use Steve's terms. I think this (my confidence in self-supervision) will be tested in a matter of weeks, once the residency ends and I devote he majority of my time to being a wife and mother, with my only "colleague" during the day being a two-year-old and receiving feedback each night when my husband comes home.

11. Describe your learning goals and success in achieving them.

• To decide on a summer project
  • Met. I essentially decided that my summer project was going to focus on me, so I consider this goal to be met. I feel that this final unit has been one of great learning and realization for me.
• To decide about my immediate future, beginning September 1
  • Met. I will continue to seek a PRN/per-diem chaplain position, but will focus the majority of my time and energy on my growing family. I will continue to meet with my therapist once every two weeks for continued growth. I will speak with my D.S. about my sense of calling, and come June/July 2010 will probably seek a full-time chaplain job or a part-time parish position.
• To grow in my ability to follow my instincts, rather than "being safe."
  • Met. I have discovered that when I follow my instincts, I usually wind up with a great sense of fulfillment and joy. Realizing that provides me with motivation to go beyond "safe mode."
• To develop my ability to move beyond listening and facilitation to a deeper means of providing pastoral care
  • Met. I feel like a lot of this growth has occurred outside of the hospital (in my marriage, with family and friends), but I've learned the lesson that who I am as a person very much informs who I am as a pastoral care provider. A big part of this growth came when I realized how much I feel cheated when friends/colleagues merely enable me and offer sympathy instead of speaking the truth in love.
    

Breastfeeding Promotion Act

Someone posted this on a listserv I belong to. As someone who breastfed her first child and plans to breastfeed her second child, I think this is very important. I was blessed to be in a position where I could take breaks to pump milk. However, I know a lot of women in the workplace do not have that freedom. Let's stand up for them.

Please follow this link to sign the petition:
http://momsrising.democracyinaction.org/o/1768/campaign.jsp?campaign_KEY=27296

"Last week, our petition on paid family leave highlighted how important it is for new moms to have paid time in order to successfully breastfeed their infants. This week, we tackle another part of the problem: When moms return to work, breastfeeding often gets even harder. But there is hope. The Breastfeeding Promotion Act, recently introduced in Congress, would establish common-sense workplace policies to make it easier for women to continue nursing after they return to work.

Tell your representatives in Congress to support the Breastfeeding Promotion Act today!
Today, 56% of mothers with infants are in the workplace, and many of them face huge barriers - or outright discrimination - when they return to work and need to take breaks in order to pump milk. Tenia from Maryland shared, "I find it appalling that it's left to individual supervisors... if, where and for how long a nursing mother can pump at work! I was told it would depend what my workload looked like if I would be 'allowed' to pump."

• The Breastfeeding Promotion Act, introduced by Congresswoman Carolyn Maloney (NY) and Senator Jeff Merkley (OR), would support employers and nursing moms in the following ways:
  • Requiring employers to make reasonable efforts to provide appropriate space and break time for mothers to express milk; Protecting breastfeeding women from being fired or discriminated against in the workplace;• Providing tax incentives for businesses that establish private lactation areas in the workplace; and• Allowing families to deduct the cost of breastfeeding equipment on their taxes, as is the case with other common medical expenses.

Some mothers who return to work choose to stop breastfeeding, but many of those who do wish to continue find it next to impossible because of barriers in the workplace. Even well-intentioned employers may be unaware about how to accommodate nursing moms, leaving women using sheets to cover up in cubicles, cramming into bathroom stalls with breast pumps, or even hiding out in dingy supply rooms just to pump breast milk for their babies. Tell Congress to support the Breastfeeding Promotion Act today: The way to support mothers who choose to breastfeed is clear -- we need to provide new mothers with Paid Family and Medical Leave so they have the time to care for their infants, and also make sure they have the opportunity to return to a workplace that allows them to continue nursing!"

Update

Good news: I'm feeling better. Maybe I just needed some rest.

Bad news: Susanna has some sort of virus, so we just have to let it run its course. No antibiotics needed, just rest, fluids, and time. I'm hoping it's a 48-hour thing. She's still feverish and cranky.

Thank goodness for my parents living less than 20 miles away. Super Nani is coming to the rescue this afternoon so I can go to work and not take my final day of PTO...yet.

Mommy Guilt

I have a different work schedule for the next three weeks. Not sure if I mentioned it before. Anyway, Doug (my boss) told us residents that as long as there was 24-hour coverage, we could pretty much schedule our own time. So, we split each day into three slots: 12p-6p, 6p-12a, and 12a-6a. Judy (our staff chaplain) usually works 6a-2:30p. I've pretty much claimed the 12p-6p shift, so I can be with Susanna for part of the morning and still be home by 7 or so.

This morning, I woke up feeling not too hot. After breakfast, Susanna seemed a little fussy/pooped also, so I put her down for a nap. She slept for 2 1/2 hours. That should have been my first clue. She seemed a little warm, but I checked her temp and it was fine. When we got to daycare, she seemed excited to be there and "walked" (holding my hand) into her classroom. I headed to work.

I dropped her off around 10:45 or so. I walked in the office at 11:57 or so. Five minutes later, I get a call from the daycare director. Susanna has a fever of 101.5. I apologized profusely, explained that she hadn't had a fever two hours ago, and arranged for James to pick her up.

Now I feel guilty...I sent my baby off to daycare while she was feeling bad, and I should have picked up on the signs that she wasn't feeling well.

James is home with her now, and either he or my mom will stay with her tomorrow if needed. I have ONE DAY of PTO left.

I'm feeling cruddy, too. I hope it's nothing major. I really wanted to use that day of PTO for something somewhat fun...like an OB appointment, a children's consignment sale, and my brother's birthday party.

The planning begins...

I need to adjust the pregnancy ticker on the blog, because it's now a week off. At my ultrasound on the 24th (the day before my grandmother died), I was measuring one week behind my initial due date (based on my cycle), so they changed my official due date to March 3 (it was February 24, which would have been Nani's 93rd birthday). So, as of right now, I am 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

Now that I'm moving into the "safer" zone of pregnancy (meaning a miscarriage is becoming less and less likely), I/we have begun thinking and planning about important stuff. Like, oh say, where is this kid going to SLEEP? We have a Pack and Play with bassinet, so he/she will be in that for the first few months, unless he/she takes after Big Sister*. As for a permanent sleeping arrangement, we have an initial plan. We are blessed with a four-bedroom house, and we think we're going to move the office downstairs to our living room and turn the former office into the baby's room. This way, we'll still have a guest room and office space. I suggested that the kids could share a room, but James vetoed that idea, especially if baby is a boy. Our current plan is to let Susanna keep her furniture and buy new furniture for Baby...although we're going to spend a lot less than last time. We will move the glider from Susanna's room into the nursery.

I've accepted the fact that we're probably not going to be able to avoid buying a double stroller, since S has yet to walk. I've found one that I like (you can see it by clicking here) and am trying to find it used on Craigslist. I might be able to get away without one for a while, if I use the Baby Bjorn (oh, how I'd love an Ergo, but have yet to find one used OR a friend who can loan me one) or a sling (I don't have one of those, but can find a used one for $10 or so).

Next to furniture and a double stroller, our other necessary purchase will be a breast pump for me. I borrowed my cousin's Pump in Style last time and gave it back to her when she had #2. She offered it back to me, but thought it would be ages/possibly never before I had a second child, so told her to pass it on to someone else. So, I'm thinking about a Med*ela Pump in Style Ad*vanced. Even if nursing goes great this time around (remember how I exclusively pumped for six months?) I will still want/need a good pump to build up a good storage of milk for when I'm not with Baby or have supply issues.

Other than those items (and bedding, can't forget bedding)...I think we'll have everything we NEED. Except for clothes, but if it's a boy, our friends have promised to lend us their boy clothes. If it's a girl, we'll need to buy some clothes, since the seasons will have been different. But I can always get a bunch of second-hand clothes off Craigslist or at a thrift/consignment store.

Of course, I'd love a new baby monitor (the one we have is second-hand, gets lots of static, and only has one working parent unit) and a new diaper bag. We shall see. Those fall into the "want" category.

Any veteran, multi-child mommies have any advice? I'm trying to be fairly low-cost and low-maintenance with this child. Clearly, I have nothing against buying used/borrowing from friends, and am so thankful that we NOW live in an area with lots to offer young families (children's consignment stores! active Craigslist!) and have friends with young children living nearby.

*We had plans to keep Susanna in the PnP for 4-6 months, too. However, that all changed when she made it very clear that she preferred her crib and was a bad roommate. She slept in her crib almost exlusively from two weeks old.

My Grandmother: 1917-2009

Jean Van Delft, 92, of Bradenton died Saturday, July 25, 2009 following a short illness. Born in Connecticut and raised in New York, Mrs. Van Delft was a former New York City schoolteacher and the mother of four daughters, Mary Jane (Bob) Suffi-cool, Carolyn (Ron) Spitz, Dorothy (Mike) Ryan and Kathleen Harnett (Glen A.White). Five grand-children, Rev. Patricia Money, Bart Sufficool, Kenn Spitz, Thea Ryan and Alison White and three great-grandchildren Caleb and Kody Spitz and Susanna Money, also survive her. In addition, her two sisters, Peg O'Connor and Marie Lou McEvoy and numerous nieces and nephews survive her, as does her devoted and most cherished fiance, Piet Jeronimus, of Bra-denton. Mrs. Van Delft was married to Charles A. Harnett, Jr. and Arthur B. Van Delft both of whom preceded her in death. She is stepmother to Jane Pinkham, Vicki Murray and Katie Van Delft and grandmother to Andy Galvin, Kevin Galvin, Lieu Hazelwood and Alder Van Deft and great-grandmother to Nicholas, Amanda, Benjamin, Ra-chel and Neil Galvin and Kaitlin and Jacob Hazel-wood . At the time of her death, Mrs. Van Delft was working on the Second Chance Homes project for unmarried teen mothers. A former Guardian Ad Litem for Manatee County, she was also past president of the League of Women Voters. Mrs. Van Delft received her Bachelor's degree from the College of New Rochelle, N.Y. and her Masters degree from Queens College, N.Y. A memorial service will be held at the Manatee Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, 322 15th Street, West, Bradenton on Saturday, August 1, 2009 at 1pm. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that donations be made to Manatee Unitar-ian Universalist Fellowship or Open Door Day Resource Center, 1404 14th Street West, Bradenton 34205.

I'm officiating the memorial service this Saturday. Prayers are appreciated.

Oh Right, Now I Remember the First Trimester...

According to my dates, I'm eight weeks along. However, I'm beginning to wonder if our ultrasound next week will tell a different story, that maybe I'm a week behind my original guess. My symptoms began in earnest last week (week 7) but last time they began precisely at week six.

Anyway, Baby Money has not been nice to his/her mommy this week. I'm tired, which I can handle. What I find very difficult is the nausea...which I remember from last time. What I have this time and DID NOT have last time is THROWING UP. Seriously, with Susanna I may have thrown up twice over the course of the pregnancy. I've already thrown up about six times in the past week, mostly in the afternoon or evening. The key? Eating enough protein and avoiding spicy foods (WAH!).

The plus side of throwing up and being nauseous? Unlike last time, I'm still easily fitting into my regular clothes. I want to avoid maternity clothes as long as possible, because I know I will be SO SICK of them by the end of the pregnancy.

I Just Can't Believe It...

Please keep my friend, S, and her family in your prayers. Her husband, J, died very suddenly on Friday. He was only 55 and appeared to be in great health. I just found out this afternoon. S and J were a clergy couple and were a great source of support to me during my time in Danville. In fact, S is currently the pastor of a co-operative parish that includes the church that I served for two years.

This is one of those times when I'm reminded that our lives can end at any time and for any reason. I'm thanking God that J has claimed the promise of the resurrection and is in heaven, but I'm grieving that I and so many others have lost a friend. Most importantly, I'm feeling sad for S who has lost a husband, four grown children who have lost a father, and a church who has lost its pastor.

Pray that they will feel God's presence surrounding them, and that God will give them comfort, peace, and strength. Also pray for S's congregations, that God will show them how to support her and her family in this time of intense grief...and that they will be a strong source of support for her.

United Breaks Guitars

Kinda catchy, and a good way to make lemonade out of lemons. Apparently, United began changing their tune once this video was released.

My Pet Peeve: Inadequate (or Non-existent) Pastoral Care

One of my fellow residents has been doing a hospice rotation for the past four months. She's been visiting the patient (a woman in her 40s) and family every week. This morning, the woman died after being in the "actively dying" state for several days. She is a member of a local congregation, although obviously has not been able to attend due to health reasons. Guess how often her pastor visited her? NEVER, according to what her family told Sandy (my colleague). Literally, he never visited her. Over the past week, Sandy has called him multiple times, updating him on the patient's condition and requesting that he visit the patient and family. He finally did so on Sunday, but only stayed for a few minutes. They hadn't heard from him since then.

Hearing this (and other stories of pastors willingly neglecting their parishioners) makes me want to throw something. If someone is ill and unable to make it to church, at least attempt to visit them once a month. If a family is in crisis (which this family was/is) and someone is rapidly declining, then more frequent visits (once every few weeks) and at least a weekly phone call to "check in" seems to be in order. Most importantly, when a family is in the "hours versus days" stage of the dying process, you owe it to them to make a substantial visit (more than ten minutes!) and be available by phone.

Oh yeah, and if you know** a parishioner is in the hospital for more than overnight, try and visit them at least once. If it's a long stay, I think once a week is reasonable...more if it's a critical situation.

Congregations often have ridiculous expectations of pastoral care. SJ thought that my monthly visitation of shut-ins was inadequate, and wanted me to visit if someone had an ingrown toenail. They complained to the DS that I "didn't visit as a pastor should." My biggest mistake was not laying out expectations with them from the beginning on how much visitation I would do and how often I would visit. I will do that with my next church. But I will say this; I visited our shut-ins once a month and was pretty vigilant about hospital visitation. If I missed someone, then I'd make every effort to visit them soon after they arrived home. I had no funerals/deaths while I was at SJ (amazingly enough), but the few times someone had a member of their family die, I tried to visit them within a few weeks, or at least have a phone conversation.

So my message to those of you who are serving congregations; please, please do whatever you can to keep tabs on your people and to be there for them in times of need. If you can't make it for some reason, send a member of your lay leadership in your stead.

Oh yeah, and make sure that at least a few of your key leaders have your cell phone number, if you don't publish it for everyone to see. Even better, leave an emergency contact number on the voicemail (Yes, I realize you might get some weird phone calls. Deal with it). It's really aggravating for us chaplains to attempt to call a pastor on behalf of an individual in the ER or in surgery, and have to simply leave a message on the voicemail, hoping that it will be heard. Or be told that "it's his/her day off...no I don't have a cell phone number...I can take a message...", etc.

I'd also like to hear your perspectives on this topic. What are your guidelines and practices for visitation? For publishing for cell phone number?

**I am fully aware that sometimes pastors are the last to know about hospitalizations/illnesses/crises/shut-ins, etc. It's the responsibility of the individual/family to inform the pastor about these sorts of events. However, once the pastor does know about them, then he/she needs to provide proper pastoral care.**

A Picture Says a Thousand Words

Estimated due date: February 24, 2010. We were surprised, but are very excited. Praying that all goes well...

Heating & A/C Redux

Well, it's been a few weeks now since the new heat and a/c was installed. The install took about 7 hours back on the 19th and pretty much went without a problem. Here's pictures of the new system:

The leftmost picture is the new 95% efficient ICS furnace with the air purifier to the right with the blue light. The middle is the 16 SEER heat pump, and the rightmost is the Infinity Control Thermostat. All of it is computer controlled essentially (all digital design and learns the most efficient way to run based on prior cycles).

The blue light of the air purifier was a problem several days after the install. It basically meant it was not working. The air filter of course still works, but the unit works by electrocuting the bacteria/virii before it hits the filter. Hence, the filter was catching live pathogens and not killing them. Well, I noticed this for about a week and I called 7 Services back. They actually came the same day, did some testing to make sure just the light has stopped working, and then went off to order the replacement part. (Appears to be an unusual defect, the first they had with it for a year.) They called today to say the part was in (about 1 week later), and replaced it the same day. I'm pretty impressed with the company so far, given they have come on the same day twice to fix some relatively minor issues.

Well, the real verdict is the energy savings. Convienently enough, my new billing period started about one day before the install, so let's see how the savings added up:

kWh: 1489
Cost: $163

Last year, the cost was $156 for June 2008. However, that was at 2008 rates, which were $0.02 less per kWh, which is about a 20% increase in rates. If I adjust to 2009 rates, the same thing would have cost $185. So that's a $22 savings. It's also been unseasonably warm over the past month, so, we need to factor that. I'm still looking for some place that keeps good records on monthly averages, so maybe I can do this later. I bet I saved another $20 for that. So the grand total savings from if I hadn't upgraded: $42. That alone, could add up to close to $400/year when it's done. What will be nice is to see the natural gas bill next winter when I won't be paying $150-200 on gas + $120 for electric = $270-320 total utilities. If I'm paying $200 at most in winter instead (based on my estimate for a/c electricity usage in July), then I'm saving $70-120 for three months. Grand total possible : $610 - 760 /year.

So, the system cost over ten years: $10k - 1500 tax credit - 500 VNG rebate - $700*10 years = $1000 out of pocket when it is done. Of course if you adjust for natural gas going up in price, I bet the -$1000 dwindles to some nice positive number that makes the investment worth it. Of course, the system probably also added $5-7k to the house value if we ever move, so that is nice bonus.

Next Steps

My residency ends on August 31, and I've been discerning what to do after that. I decided not to throw my hat in the ring for an appointment this year. So, I've been looking for a chaplain job and planning on being a stay-at-home mom while looking/in case that doesn't happen. Apparently, the job market for healthcare chaplains is very competitive, and it doesn't help that I'm pretty tied to my current geographical area.

About a week ago, I came across a listing for a chaplain position at a local hospice. It's "flexipool" and very part-time (not quite sure what that means, but I'm not counting on more than 10 or so hours/week) but that's fine. I applied last Tuesday, received a phone call from HR on Thursday, and just today received a phone call from the actual department, saying they want to interview me. I know there are at least three others being considered, but I'm sort of excited and hoping that it works out. Pray with me! I'll keep you updated!

Let's Talk About Sex(uality), Baby

This is a post on a controversial topic, which is always sort of dangerous. However, I'm not shouting my opinion from a platform, but rather "thinking out loud" and inviting others to reflect with me and offer their insight. I invite comments and responses, but ask that you please not post knee-jerk, inflammatory reactions. We're intelligent adults. Let's act like it. Oh yeah, and please read the whole post before commenting. This is a journey...

I consider myself to be in the "moderate-but-leaning conservative" camp both socially and theologically. There are a few things I "lean left" on, such as capital punishment (I'm an enigma; I'm against the death penalty AND against abortion), but on most issues I'm either square in the middle or leaning a little to the right. I have spent a lot of time thinking, praying, reading, and reflecting on the issue of homosexuality. My denomination is embroiled in an increasingly intense debate on the role of practicing homosexuals in the church. Anyway, up until about a week ago, my response to the question, "where do you stand on that issue" would have been fairly confident. I believed (and still do feel) that based on my interpretation, the practice of homosexuality contradicts the witness of the scripture and Christian tradition. As a result, I would have said that that ordaining practicing homosexuals was not compatible with scripture/tradition, etc, etc. Keep in mind that I also believe that even heterosexual sex outside of marriage is incompatible with scripture, and that clergy are to be "celibate in singleness and faithful in marriage".

Anyway, my position on homosexuality has been challenged in the past week and it's left me in a tailspin of sorts. I feel like my world has been knocked on its axis. Last Tuesday, we had six new interns begin the summer CPE program. They'll be here full-time through July and August. There are four women, two men, one African-American, one Filipino-American, two Lutherans, one Methodist, one Presbyterian, one Episcopalian, and a Pentecostal. In addition to the racial and religious diversity, one of the interns is gay. This was confirmed this morning in a seminar, but I had suspected it last week, based on behavioral patterns and his response to a relationship question ("significant other" instead of specifying girlfriend/wife). So, now that my suspicions have been confirmed, I am really wrestling with myself and with views that I've held for a long time.

The crux of the matter is this; my position up until this point has been based on a fairly congitive discernment process and an utter lack of experience with homosexuals beyond a nodding acquaintance. All of a sudden, I encounter this engaging, gifted, and faithful young man who wants to serve Christ and His church and I find myself re-examining my position. I haven't seen Luther (hokey name, I know, but he's Lutheran and I don't want to use his real name) active in ministry yet, so I don't know anything about his gifts and graces, although I should know within a week or two. I'm assuming that Luther will demonstrate gifts for ministry and am wondering, "so what now?" All of a sudden this "issue" is reduced to one person who I genuinely like and admire, and I find myself doing of lot of thinking and, well...agonizing about God's grace, our sin, who God calls to ministry, standards of faithful living, sexuality, etc. One moment I'm worried about a "slippery slope" in terms of moral/ethical standards among the ordained and the next moment I'm reminded that the early Christians established that the character of the one administering the sacraments does not affect the validity of the sacraments. There's a Latin or Greek term for it...I forget.

Those are my thoughts...and where I am right now. I have no doubt that there is more to come. My biggest concern is that as I make this journey, no matter if my "position" changes or not, that I will be faithful to God's Spirit as he speaks to my heart, through others, and most importantly, through His Word.

To Churches: Do You Really Want New People?

In seminary, I took a class titled "Ethics of Hospitality." It was awesome, and really challenged and changed my view on Christian hospitality...inside and outside the church. Trust me, this stuff goes beyond coffee and donuts and being friendly. A great book on this subject (actually written by my professor) is Making Room by Christine Pohl.

Anyway, today my husband, daughter, and I visited another congregation. Our friends' son was being baptized, and we went to support them and celebrate with them. The actual baptism was lovely, but the rest of the experience left much to be desired. Upon arriving, we followed signs around the outside of the building directing us to the sanctuary. Upon arriving at that entrance, we found that the door was locked. It was 10:45 and the service began at 11. OK...so we went around to another entrance and found it unlocked. We walked through a very long hallway to the sanctuary door. There were no greeters and we hadn't seen any bulletins (when I asked a few minutes later, I found a few on a table in the hallway. Apparently the rest were in the narthex...right near the locked door. And yes, I did tell someone the door was locked.

There was very minimal interaction with the rest of the congregation (which was small---about 60 in attendance). We got a few comments on how pretty our daughter is, but that was it. No introductions or attempt to get to know us. The pastor merely shook our hand and asked us to come again...and that last part was muttered.

It was a traditional service and very subdued. I have nothing against traditional worship, as long as it doesn't feel like a funeral. This did, which is extremely sad since today was Pentecost. There was also very little attention paid to this day in the church calendar, which slightly annoyed me. They did celebrate the 55th anniversary of their church's founding, which apparently occurred the last Sunday in May.

I took my daughter to the nursery when she started fussing. There was an attendant in there with one other child, but she pretty much sat in the chair and made no attempt to actually engage Nora. There was no sign-in sheet or anything along those lines; just drop your kid and leave. I wonder if this church has a hard time finding volunteers for the nursery; many older congregations do, even though they keep saying how much they want young families.

This church sits on the corner of a major intersection in a medium-sized metropolitan area. Visibility is not an issue. They just don't seem to be making much effort towards extending hospitality towards outsiders. If I had been an unchurched seeker, then this experience may have very well turned me off when it came to church.

I've learned a lot over the past year, being a congregant instead of the pastor. The little things really do add up...it's not just a matter of inviting people to church (which is important), but it's also a matter of creating a space and an atmosphere where all are welcomed when they come through the doors. And of truly celebrating the risen Christ with joy, instead of a quasi-funeral service every week.

On the positive side, we visited my mother-in-law's church over Easter, and it was an entirely different experience. We were welcomed and drawn into conversation, the nursery was staffed and Nora was engaged, and the service (traditional in style) was joyful and vibrant. We felt a part of the worshiping community, focused on praising the God we all serve. This was a small, older congregation, but the feeling was entirely different.

OK, I'm stepping off my soapbox. Just thought I'd share that with you.

Susanna at (almost) 21 months

Susanna will be 21 months old on Friday! She's growing so fast (26 lbs last time she went to the doctor) and learning so much. She's becoming her own person, and it's bittersweet to watch it happen. She's still not walking on her own, but is able to "walk" 50 feet or so if you hold both her hands and walk with her. She has a ride-on toy that she loves to use, and we just won a 3-month family membership to the YMCA and I hope to get her in the water more often.

She is very vocal. She talks constantly, although we don't always recognize what she's saying. Here are some of her words:
-milk
-juice
-cheese
-book
-dog
-Mama
-Dada
-uh-oh
-bye-bye
-more
-shoes

There are at least 20 more, but I can't think them all off the top of my head.

She can totally feed herself now, even with stuff that requires a spoon (like pudding). She loves food and will eat almost anything, although she doesn't seem to really like strawberries. She likes to be held and cuddled, but usually only for a few minutes at a time. She and Simon are the best of friends and she sometimes feeds him her food before we catch her.

Susanna LOVES music and even "dances" sometimes. It's really cute. She's just barely beginning to have an interest in TV, but does seem to like Sesame Street. She likes being around people and is generally very happy. We do not have to worry about her ever suffering silently; we know when she's happy and when she's unhappy and she's getting much better about telling us what she needs/wants.

She loves bathtime and I usually have to take her out of the water before she's ready. She had her first haircut about two weeks ago (I'll post pics later, or check my Facebook page). Her hair is still very very curly and blonde and her eyes are still blue, although they occasionally look more hazel, depending on the day.

We're very blessed that she's been pretty healthy overall. This year, she's had a few colds, a mild case of bronchiolitis, a stomach bug, and four ear infections (one of which was really bad and caused her to run a fever). However, it could have been a lot worse, especially since she's in daycare.

Basically, Susanna is an amazing kid and we feel very blessed to be her parents. Keep praying about the walking; her MRI and bloodwork were clear, so the issue mainly seems to be low muscle tone. She's still receiving physical therapy once a week and we see the neurologist again on June 18.

RevGalBlogPals: Vacation Post

1) What did your family do for vacations when you were a child? Or did you have stay-cations at home?

We almost always went to the beach, specifically the Outer Banks in North Carolina. When we lived in Hawaii (for two years; my dad worked for a government contractor) we visited Kauai, Maui, and the Big Island. Once we went to Florida and spent 10 days on the beach and then two days at Disney World. Every other time was a different location in the Outer Banks. We would rent a beach house and do virtually nothing for a week.

2) Tell us about your favorite vacation ever:

We rented a house on Ocracoke Island, NC. It's very remote-only accessible by ferry. My dad rented a boat and went fishing every morning. I rented a bike and roamed the island. My brother played Nintendo. My mom and I checked out about 50 library books and we read them all. My dad read books when he wasn't fishing. We went to the beach each day. Extremely relaxing. I think I need to make Harry take me back there.

3) What do you do for a one-day or afternoon getaway...is there a place nearby that you escape to on a Saturday afternoon/other day off?

I personally love the beach (can you tell?) and I'm blessed enough to live about 30 minutes from the Atlantic Ocean or Chesapeake Bay. I occasionally make a solo trip to an outlet mall about 30 minutes from my hospital, and as a family we enjoy going to a very nice theme park about an hour from my house.

4) What's your best recommendation for a full-on vacation near you...what would you suggest to someone coming to your area? (Near - may be defined any way you wish!)

I live near a resort area, but I'd actually recommend Chincoteague Island, which is maybe four hours and a bridge/tunnel trip away. It's so relaxing, has a beautiful beach, and is much less congested than the big resort area that's so close to me. Plus, it's where my husband and I honeymooned, so it has sentimental appeal.

5) What's your DREAM VACATION?

I really want to go back to Hawaii. We lived there for two years (on Oahu, the main island) and left when I was 10. I'd like to fly into Honolulu and spent a few days on Oahu at the beginning and end of our vacation, recovering from jet lag and then seeing my old haunts. Then, I'd like to spend maybe two or three weeks island-hopping (Maui, Big Island, Molokai, Lanai, Kauai), with at least several days spent on Kauai, my favorite island. Of course, there are the beaches, but there's so much more to see and experience; rain forests, fern grottoes, the "grand canyon of the Pacific", waterfalls, volcanoes, etc. If I was really dreaming big, I'd include a week in Australia/New Zealand and go to Hawaii afterward. OK, I might as well admit it; if I won the lottery and money wasn't an option, I'd take a year off and travel the world. Since I don't even play the lottery, that's not likely to happen.

Handy Husband

If you've read James' post, then you know about our new heating/cooling system that was installed on Tuesday. It's one of many updates we've done in the house, but so far cost the most. We're enjoying it, though. I'll enjoy it even more when we get our next electric bill and see that it's actually saving us money.

James decided to take off this entire week, since he has the time and felt like taking a break. He's kept himself busy. On Monday, he cleaned the downstairs for me. On Tuesday and Wednesday, he did some fancy wiring for our surround sound system (he'll have to explain it to you, but there are no more loose wires and four little plugs in the wall). Yesterday, we went to Home Depot, picked out paint and a new faucet for the powder room, and he painted the room (a light beige, which looks much better than the boring white) and installed the faucet. Today, he was planning on moving everything back into the bathroom and also installing new fixtures (a towel ring and toilet paper holder) as well as hanging a painting we bought. Several months ago, we bought new decorative accessories (lotion holder, rug, wastebasket in a palm tree motif and some green hand towels) and have been using them, but they'll look even nicer with the new paint and fixtures.

We have owned this house for a year now, and while we love it, we're beginning to realize just how much of an investment home ownership is. We had an inspection and did go in with our "eyes open", but have had some surprises. The house is 15 years old, and most everything is original. Plus, the owners seemed to like to do things cheaply/badly and from all appearances, didn't do a lot of upkeep. And in our humble opinions, they had horrible decorative taste. Since buying the house, we've probably spent $15,000 on repairs/updates/equipment, most of them absolutely necessary. Here's a list off the top of my head:
-Redid half of shelving in MBR closet (our first week, a bunch of shelving fell out of the wall during the night).
-Painted Susanna's room (not necessary, but it looks nice)
-Replaced hot water heater
-Replaced garbage disposal
-Replaced thermostat
-Bought lawn mower, weedeater, and tiller
-Installed doggie door for Simon
-Replaced heating/cooling system (the biggest expense to date)
-Installed wood blinds (the house came with no window coverings)
-Replaced ice maker in fridge
-Bought carpet cleaner (not essential, but the carpets hadn't been cleaned in ages)
-Painted downstairs bathroom
-Replaced faucet in downstairs bathroom
-Replaced hardware in downstairs bathroom
-Bought new furniture for family room and dining room (I got our dining room set-table with six chairs and a china cabinet- for $500 on Craigslist!)

I'm sure James can think of more that I've forgotten. We still have lots more to do, some of it essential, some optional. On the "wish/need" list:
-Replace roof (it hopefully has five years left)
-Replace siding and trim
-Replace windows (the gas seal has already broken in them)
-Paint master bedroom, family room, master bathroom, and Susanna's bathroom.
-Replace all flooring (We want engineered hardwood downstairs; carpet on the stairs and upstairs, and tile or nice vinyl in the upstairs bathrooms. It's currently a mix of ugly vinyl, plank flooring, and carpet.)
-Replace vanities in all bathrooms.
-Replace hardware/faucets in other two bathrooms
-Renovate kitchen and replace all appliances (we want black appliances, updgraded countertops and cabinets, and a new sink). This project will be even more $$ than the heating/cooling system, so it won't happen for a while...like 5-10 years.
-New deck/terrace/patio in back. It's currently poured concrete and I'd like to upgrade to brick, flagstone, or maybe a slightly raised deck area.

Yeah, so once all that's done, we'll pretty much have the house of our dreams, which means that we'll have to move. That's what always happened with my parents, anyway...

Our next project? Painting and decorating the master bedroom. I got a great deal on some paintings at a gallery in Roanoke, and can't wait to make our bedroom a nice "getaway" for us.

New Heat & AC today

Well, the guys from 7 Services just started the heat and AC replacement. We're getting a new Carrier Infinity System with the air purifier. This should be a drastic upgrade from our alleyway-drug-deal model the prior owners(who should rot in hell for all their cheap choices!) bought original to the house. It's amazing the units lasted as long as they did, and we've had no major trouble over the past year. However, the AC leaks like an old VW Bug, and there is rust all over the place. In addition, the system doesn't work very well at heating or cooling in general. (It's slightly under-sized! Imagine that!)

We're getting the Infinity heat pump 16 SEER model, and a backup furnace for the cold winter nights that is 95% efficient. In addition, the unit is a multi-stage which saves more energy, and the blower is variable speed, saving us some more dough and keeping upstairs/downstairs a more consistent temperature. The thermostat control will almost make your breakfast for you. It control's temp, humidity(big bonus around here!!!), air quality, etc. Of course this all comes at a high price tag, but hopefully we won't have to replace it for another 20 years. In theory, we'll save $1000 this coming year in natural gas and electricity costs, so it will pay for itself in less than 10 years. In addition, there is the $1500 tax credit we'll get to claim that makes it that much more of a deal. (From my estimates, it will pay for itself in 5-7 years!) It comes with a 10 year warranty (w/labor included).

I'll report later tonight on the finished product.

Our little girl is growing up so fast! Here's a pic taken about six weeks ago. I have plenty more, but need to download/post them. Susanna has lost her love for the camera and tends to look away instead of look at the camera. It's made getting ultra-cute pics much harder.

Susanna Goes to the Neurologist

This afternoon, I took Susanna to her neurology appointment at CHKD (Children's Hospital of the Kings Daughters). James had a meeting, so he couldn't go with us. :( I was very impressed with the neurologist, Dr. N. He observed Susanna, examined her, and took a history of my pregnancy, her birth, and her development. His conclusion was that most likely, Susanna doesn't have anything that needs to be "fixed" (such as through surgery) or any major disorder. He basically diagnosed her with a developmental delay in gross motor skills...which we already knew about. He gave me two options: wait a few more months and see if she improves OR go ahead and have some diagnostic tests done to be "on the safe side." I chose option B. We've been waiting nine months already and she's had four months of physical therapy. I want to make sure there's nothing major going on, just for peace of mind.

So...he ordered a whole bunch of bloodwork (looked like every test you can have) and a MRI of her brain. The bloodwork we can do anytime; the MRI is scheduled for April 6. Since she's so young, she'll need to be sedated. We're also going to continue with her physical therapy and working with her at home. She appears to have a strong will, so maybe she's just not ready to walk, yet. I didn't walk until I was 21 months old or something like that, so maybe it's also a genetic thing. Who knows?

Regardless of her lack of mobility, she is an absolutely delightful, intelligent, and happy child. James and I feel very blessed to be her parents.

She's huge!

Susanna turned 18 months old on Sunday, and on Tuesday I took her for her 18-month check-up. She got a clean bill of health and weighs 24 lbs (50th percentile) and is 34" tall (95th percentile). Clearly, she is taking after her father in terms of height. That's fine, because I don't want her to hear short jokes for the rest of her life.

I love her pediatrician. She's easy to get along with, knows her stuff, and seems to be on the same wavelength with me. I came prepared to ask for a neurology referral, since Susanna is still not walking, even after three months of PT. However, her pedi beat me to it. As soon as I mentioned that she wasn't walking yet, the pedi said, "has she seen neurology yet? If not, I think it would be a good idea." The office called and set up an appointment right then, and we see the neurologist at CHKD (Children's Hospital of the Kings Daughters in Norfolk) next Thursday!

You may be asking, "why a neurology referral for delayed walking? Why not a developmental pediatrician or an orthopaedist?" Well...Susanna's main issue (according to her physical therapist, who I just love) is low muscle tone. And low muscle tone is a neurological issue. As far as we can tell, her bone structure is just fine. And a developmental pediatrician (while probably a good idea at some point) would probably just do an assessment and refer to neurology anyway. So...to neurology we'll go on March 12.

In other news, I'm sick again. I have a sore throat, a dry, hacking cough, and sinus congestion. Actually, James and I have been sick about 80% of the time since November. I'm blaming a big part of it on Susanna being in daycare and bringing germs home. My spending lots of time in the ER might have something to do with it, too. You know what the funny thing is? Susanna will get a minor case of the sniffles, and two days later James or I (or both of us) will come down with a cold/bronchitis/sinus infection. Or, she'll have a few messy/explosive diapers and a few days later, James/me/both of us will come down with a GI bug that kicks our butts. This is NOT FAIR. However, I am thankful that Susanna has been mostly healthy. With the exception of two ear infections and a minor case of bronchiolitis, she's been healthy this winter. Except, of course, for the sniffles and messy diapers, but I don't count those as being "sick."

Five "Forks" In the Road

I guess I was supposed to do this on Friday, but I didn't have time then, so here goes. This is something I got from RevGalBlogPals:

For today's Friday Five, share with us five "fork-in-the-road" events, or persons, or choices. And how did life change after these forks in the road?

#1 My decision to attend my undergraduate alma mater. It was during my college years, under the mentoring and influence of several friends and professors, that I sensed and answered the call to ordained ministry. It was

Welcome to Lent!

Today is Ash Wednesday, which traditionally marks the beginning of the Christian season of Lent (the 40-day period before Easter). If you are so inclined, I encourage you to read Chris Howlett's excellent blog posting on the true meaning of Lent.

Also, Joel 2:12-13 is a great passage that goes along with this day. Be sure and attend an Ash Wednesday service sometime today! Most liturgical (Methodist, Presbyterian, Catholic, Episcopal, Lutheran, etc) churches will have one this evening. I'm on call tonight, but hoping that the pager will "behave" so I can go to a nearby service.

In non-sacred news, we got new blinds yesterday. They're wood and match our window sills perfectly. We only bought five (5) this time, and have 11 more to purchase. We currently have blinds in the living room, dining room, and master bedroom. We still need blinds for the kitchen, family room, Susanna's room, office, and guest room. My mom lent/gave us a few honeycomb blinds when we moved in, so our windows haven't been completely bare for the past nine months...but we've have no window coverings at all downstairs.

I think I want to decorate the master bedroom and bath with our tax refund money. We're still looking for a dining set (table that seats at least six and maybe even a china hutch) on craigslist, but will only buy one if it's fairly cheap (under $700) and in good condition.

Now I just need to find an interior decorator. Anyone know of a good one?*

*That's a joke. In case you don't know, my mom was a decorator for years. She may be retired (and therefore not have her samples and suppliers) but she still have a great sense of style, which is what I need the most. I did not inherit her gifts in that area.

Thought-Provoking Reading

I was doing some "blog surfing" yesterday and came across a blog (and a post from that blog) that very much intrigued me. I've included the link below so you can read it if you so desire.

http://locustsandhoney.blogspot.com/2009/01/on-abnormality-of-church.html

I found the post very thought-provoking. It also had a lot of truth in it. Sure, it's a little one-sided and I disagreed with parts of it (or saw it from another perspective), but I found myself agreeing with a lot of it.

I am currently committed to remaining in the United Methodist Church and in the ordination process. The denomination would have to do something really major for me to leave. The UMC is my theological home; where I feel most comfortable. I am also very committed to remaining in the local church in some sort of role. However, I am fully aware of the many major flaws in both my denomination and in the local church (regardless of denomination). There are many times when I get so frustrated and angry with either or both of the above institutions and the people in them. That's why I found myself agreeing with some of what John said. I've been hurt by the church, also. However, I still stick with the UMC/local church because I believe in God's redeeming power working through individuals and groups. No one and nothing is beyond God's redemption, but it takes faithful and receptive individuals for that redemption to occur. Simply put, I feel called to be one of those agents of God's redemption, even if I have to wait until heaven to see the fruits of my labor. Is it painful? Yes. May I change my mind later (and leave the denomination and local church altogether? Possibly, although I hope not. Is it worth the pain and frustration? Yes, and that's why I'll keep working for and praying for redemption and transformation. The day when I say, "it's not worth it" is the day that I'll turn in my credentials and start a house church. However, I sincerely hope that day never arrives.

Clinging to the Rock in the Midst of a Storm

Above is a picture (that I now know is by an artist named Jean Guichard) that my husband and I have been drooling over for some eight years now. We keep seeing it at Christian bookstores, framed very nicely and fairly expensive (which is why we haven't bought it yet) At the bottom of the picture is a verse from Psalm 27: "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?" Of course, the next verse in that Psalm is, "the Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"

I give God all the credit for getting me through my parish experience, and for bringing me to this place of healing. In the darkest times, when I felt so very alone and couldn't reach any of my clergy friends (for I had several who really encouraged and strengthened me), I imagined God holding me and keeping me safe in the midst of the storm. The thought of God being the Light who would show me the way, and the Rock on whom I could cling when all else failed, kept me going.

I'm very blessed in that I haven't experienced a crisis of faith as a result of my parish experience. I supposed I should clarify and say that my faith in God has not suffered. My faith in God's children certainly has...and I'm sure I'll talk about that at some point. However, I seem to have been gifted with a strong faith that is not easily tested. I am supremely grateful for that gift, because it has gotten me through many a tough time. Since I am only 32, I imagine that I will experience more difficulties in life, and my faith may be tested in new and different ways. I hope that the images I've mentioned here will continue to sustain me in my faith journey.

Heading for the B.O.M.? Check this out...

If you're a UM Elder or Deacon (or aspiring to be one), then check out this link and tell me what you think about it:

http://adventures-in-revland.blogspot.com/2009/02/unofficial-guide-to-candidates.html

See Our New Poll!

James and I are expecting to receive a nice chunk of change from Uncle Sam via our tax refund. Of course, a good part of it will go into savings, since that's the smart thing to do (esp. given the economy). However, we want to use some of it towards home improvements. James suggested buying a new appliance (such as a refrigerator or oven) but I'm leaning more towards decorating a room. I'm torn between the master bedroom/bath (an oasis for us) or the dining room (so we don't have to be embarassed when friends come over and we break out the folding chairs).

So, I've added a poll on the sidebar, and I ask you to vote for your choice. I'll take that into account when deciding. For James' sake, I've also included the kitchen (although we can only afford to replace an appliance and maybe get some decorations; we can't afford a total redo). If you want to explain your vote, then you're welcome to use the "comments" section of this post.

You have two weeks to vote!

Moving on UP!

Susanna has been promoted to the toddler class at daycare! She's still not walking, but the program director agreed with us that the transition would benefit her. So, she's now in a room with kids her own age (about 14-24 months) and almost all of them are walking. She gets to do lots of fun things now, like coloring, fingerpainting, and playing outside. So far, she's adjusted pretty well. The only wrinkle has been that she's not taking long enough naps (they have a two-hour naptime, but she's only been sleeping for an hour or so). Hopefully that will change in the next week or so.

You know what we like about the promotion? Her tuition has gone down $14/week. Yay!!!

The doggie door arrives...

Earlier this week, I brought Simon his doggie door for the house. We went with a PetSafe In-Wall unit that is pretty much the standard in dog doors. The location of the dog door was somewhat a problem. The wall by the back door would be the ideal location, but there is an electrical outlet and the natural gas shutoff value for the fireplace right next to it. Hence, no dice. OK, so the next option was the kitchenette area. Well, I initially ruled it out due to the stud placements and initial checking. (The dog door is supposed to fit between the studs and is about 12" wide. The studs in the kitchenette seem to be about 8" apart.) So, we had finally thought about it and were going to put it in the dining room. Well, after I ordered the unit, I decided and hashed a plan to get it back to where I wanted in the kitchenette.

To get it there under the window, I removed the siding and foam insulation (cheapo builder!). Well, the window is narrow and already had one supporting stud, and I decide to remove the extra one in the way. Then I reinforced the window with two new studs on each side that would allow the extra clearance for the dog door. Then I put plywood on the outside instead of insulation.

After that, the installation was pretty straightforward according to the instructions. Here's a couple pictures of the final result.



One thing to note is there is about a foot between the door, so I'm going to build a platform and ramp for Simon and some of his smaller buddies. I can imagine Charlie, who is a 20lb beagle might not want to make that leap in and out.

Susanna at 17 months

Isn't she adorable? She got this outfit from Grandma Nina.

Twilight Saga...

Some of you may have heard about Stephenie Meyer's series called Twilight. There are four books in the series, and it's about vampires. That's all I'm going to tell you, so I don't ruin it for those who haven't finished/read it yet.

I began "reading" (listening on CD) these books because a) they're incredibly popular and b) two of my KY friends (hi Alyssa and Stephanie!) have raved about the books on THEIR blogs. I wasn't sure what to think, especially with the vampire element. But I'm open-minded and willing to try new things, so I checked out the first book on CD from my library (I'm frugal; I rarely buy fiction books unless I know I'm going to read them again and again and again. These books qualify, but I haven't bought them yet) and...

Oh. My. Gosh. These books are good. There's Twilight, then New Moon, then Eclipse, then Breaking Dawn (the final book). I just finished Breaking Dawn. It's taken me almost three months to get through the series because I keep having to wait until the book on CD version is available at the library (I was on the "hold list" for the last book for about two months). Then it takes two weeks of commuting to finish the book. If I had read them the traditional way, I could have been done within a week.

It's an incredible series, and very "clean" in terms of morality and ethics. It's marketed for young adults (teenagers) and written by a Mormon, which are two possible reasons. I'd rate the books at PG-13 because there are some hints of violence and teenage hormones. There are some very strong themes and messages that run through the series...love, loyalty, self-denial, family, etc.

If you liked Harry Potter at all, you will probably like this series. I'm very sad that I've read all the books...I guess I'll just have to re-read them for the fun of it.

For those who have read the series, I was fairly happy with the ending, although I can think of a few spin-off possibilities...

Miscellaneous

OK, so posting every six weeks isn't that bad, right? Right???

Allow me to provide a few updates:

• Christmas was fun, and I think that Susanna really enjoyed it. She's really not into the gift thing (yet), which took the pressure off of us. We spent Christmas Eve with my parents and James' mom came down on Christmas Day. Our gifts to each other were exceptionally domestic; I got a laundry sorter and crock pot, and James got a quesadilla maker and cookware.
• With great fear and trembling, I am putting myself up for an appointment this year. I've been working on some of my own issues that contributed to the SJ debacle and also much better informed on how to handle a "problem church." I think that the local church and I deserve to give each other another chance. I'm just terrified, which may be a good thing. At least I won't be cocky.
• I am LOVING my residency. I love my fellow residents, my supervisor, and the rest of the Pastoral Care staff. I also like Riverside. I hate the commute (40 miles each way) but at least I get to listen to lots of books on CD...the residency ends on August 31.
• Susanna is still not walking. She is standing fairly well with support and is developing more muscle tone, which is key. She's still working with the PT, and will do so until she reaches our goal (able to walk/run easily) or her third birthday, whichever comes first. Apparently I didn't walk until I was about 22 months, so this may be a genetic thing.
• Outside the walking issue, she is still clearly the most adorable, intelligent, and personable child alive. James and I are absolutely enthralled by her, and she charms everyone she meets. She's been sick more this year, with two ear infections and a recent bout of bronchiolitis (thankfully, no ER trip this time!), but her daycare is larger and she's not getting "mommy's milk" anymore. However, she's still pretty healthy, which is a relief. Last time we checked, she was about 31" long and weighed about 23 lbs. She has a smattering of words and lots of unrecognizable sounds. She likes bananas, quesadillas, green beans, and chocolate chip cookies.
• Simon is enjoying his life as a suburban dog and likes barking at the other dogs in the neighborhood. His closest "friend" is Charlie, whose parents are Joel and Melissa (good friends of ours who live in Hampton). He is incredibly gentle with Susanna, who calls him "Dog dog" and likes to pet/hit him. We have yet to see him snap or growl at her. He just gets up and moves when he's had enough. Simon is still extremely cuddly and likes sleeping in bed with us.
• James is doing very, very well at work. He's already gotten a big, fat raise and a performance award. He likes what he's doing, which is a nice change from those last few months at NCCU. Job Satisfaction + Job Success = Happy Husband.

And...I think that's about it. I'll try and post some pictures soon, so you can see how absolutely cute our daughter is.

Tossing a bone...

Life is crazy with both of us working and keeping up with Susanna and the house. Here's a picture of her, taken yesterday, when she was out with Nani (my mom) on a house tour. Susanna is now 15 months old, weighs 22 lbs 9 ozs, and is 31" tall. She is an absolute delight. She's not walking yet, due to low muscle tone. We're working with Early Intervention, and she's receiving physical therapy on a weekly basis. She should be walking with ease by late spring at the absolute latest. I'm personally hoping that she'll be walking by the 18 month mark.

The good news? The Early Intervention team evaluated EVERYTHING, and she is either on target or advanced in every area except for gross motor skills (50% delay) and fine motor skills (30% delay). In other words, we caught this early enough that it shouldn't affect her on a long-term basis. Her cognitive, speech, and social skills are fine, and those are what matter most to us.