Five "Forks" In the Road

I guess I was supposed to do this on Friday, but I didn't have time then, so here goes. This is something I got from RevGalBlogPals:

For today's Friday Five, share with us five "fork-in-the-road" events, or persons, or choices. And how did life change after these forks in the road?

#1 My decision to attend my undergraduate alma mater. It was during my college years, under the mentoring and influence of several friends and professors, that I sensed and answered the call to ordained ministry. It was

Welcome to Lent!

Today is Ash Wednesday, which traditionally marks the beginning of the Christian season of Lent (the 40-day period before Easter). If you are so inclined, I encourage you to read Chris Howlett's excellent blog posting on the true meaning of Lent.

Also, Joel 2:12-13 is a great passage that goes along with this day. Be sure and attend an Ash Wednesday service sometime today! Most liturgical (Methodist, Presbyterian, Catholic, Episcopal, Lutheran, etc) churches will have one this evening. I'm on call tonight, but hoping that the pager will "behave" so I can go to a nearby service.

In non-sacred news, we got new blinds yesterday. They're wood and match our window sills perfectly. We only bought five (5) this time, and have 11 more to purchase. We currently have blinds in the living room, dining room, and master bedroom. We still need blinds for the kitchen, family room, Susanna's room, office, and guest room. My mom lent/gave us a few honeycomb blinds when we moved in, so our windows haven't been completely bare for the past nine months...but we've have no window coverings at all downstairs.

I think I want to decorate the master bedroom and bath with our tax refund money. We're still looking for a dining set (table that seats at least six and maybe even a china hutch) on craigslist, but will only buy one if it's fairly cheap (under $700) and in good condition.

Now I just need to find an interior decorator. Anyone know of a good one?*

*That's a joke. In case you don't know, my mom was a decorator for years. She may be retired (and therefore not have her samples and suppliers) but she still have a great sense of style, which is what I need the most. I did not inherit her gifts in that area.

Thought-Provoking Reading

I was doing some "blog surfing" yesterday and came across a blog (and a post from that blog) that very much intrigued me. I've included the link below so you can read it if you so desire.

http://locustsandhoney.blogspot.com/2009/01/on-abnormality-of-church.html

I found the post very thought-provoking. It also had a lot of truth in it. Sure, it's a little one-sided and I disagreed with parts of it (or saw it from another perspective), but I found myself agreeing with a lot of it.

I am currently committed to remaining in the United Methodist Church and in the ordination process. The denomination would have to do something really major for me to leave. The UMC is my theological home; where I feel most comfortable. I am also very committed to remaining in the local church in some sort of role. However, I am fully aware of the many major flaws in both my denomination and in the local church (regardless of denomination). There are many times when I get so frustrated and angry with either or both of the above institutions and the people in them. That's why I found myself agreeing with some of what John said. I've been hurt by the church, also. However, I still stick with the UMC/local church because I believe in God's redeeming power working through individuals and groups. No one and nothing is beyond God's redemption, but it takes faithful and receptive individuals for that redemption to occur. Simply put, I feel called to be one of those agents of God's redemption, even if I have to wait until heaven to see the fruits of my labor. Is it painful? Yes. May I change my mind later (and leave the denomination and local church altogether? Possibly, although I hope not. Is it worth the pain and frustration? Yes, and that's why I'll keep working for and praying for redemption and transformation. The day when I say, "it's not worth it" is the day that I'll turn in my credentials and start a house church. However, I sincerely hope that day never arrives.

Clinging to the Rock in the Midst of a Storm

Above is a picture (that I now know is by an artist named Jean Guichard) that my husband and I have been drooling over for some eight years now. We keep seeing it at Christian bookstores, framed very nicely and fairly expensive (which is why we haven't bought it yet) At the bottom of the picture is a verse from Psalm 27: "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?" Of course, the next verse in that Psalm is, "the Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?"

I give God all the credit for getting me through my parish experience, and for bringing me to this place of healing. In the darkest times, when I felt so very alone and couldn't reach any of my clergy friends (for I had several who really encouraged and strengthened me), I imagined God holding me and keeping me safe in the midst of the storm. The thought of God being the Light who would show me the way, and the Rock on whom I could cling when all else failed, kept me going.

I'm very blessed in that I haven't experienced a crisis of faith as a result of my parish experience. I supposed I should clarify and say that my faith in God has not suffered. My faith in God's children certainly has...and I'm sure I'll talk about that at some point. However, I seem to have been gifted with a strong faith that is not easily tested. I am supremely grateful for that gift, because it has gotten me through many a tough time. Since I am only 32, I imagine that I will experience more difficulties in life, and my faith may be tested in new and different ways. I hope that the images I've mentioned here will continue to sustain me in my faith journey.

Heading for the B.O.M.? Check this out...

If you're a UM Elder or Deacon (or aspiring to be one), then check out this link and tell me what you think about it:

http://adventures-in-revland.blogspot.com/2009/02/unofficial-guide-to-candidates.html

See Our New Poll!

James and I are expecting to receive a nice chunk of change from Uncle Sam via our tax refund. Of course, a good part of it will go into savings, since that's the smart thing to do (esp. given the economy). However, we want to use some of it towards home improvements. James suggested buying a new appliance (such as a refrigerator or oven) but I'm leaning more towards decorating a room. I'm torn between the master bedroom/bath (an oasis for us) or the dining room (so we don't have to be embarassed when friends come over and we break out the folding chairs).

So, I've added a poll on the sidebar, and I ask you to vote for your choice. I'll take that into account when deciding. For James' sake, I've also included the kitchen (although we can only afford to replace an appliance and maybe get some decorations; we can't afford a total redo). If you want to explain your vote, then you're welcome to use the "comments" section of this post.

You have two weeks to vote!

Moving on UP!

Susanna has been promoted to the toddler class at daycare! She's still not walking, but the program director agreed with us that the transition would benefit her. So, she's now in a room with kids her own age (about 14-24 months) and almost all of them are walking. She gets to do lots of fun things now, like coloring, fingerpainting, and playing outside. So far, she's adjusted pretty well. The only wrinkle has been that she's not taking long enough naps (they have a two-hour naptime, but she's only been sleeping for an hour or so). Hopefully that will change in the next week or so.

You know what we like about the promotion? Her tuition has gone down $14/week. Yay!!!

The doggie door arrives...

Earlier this week, I brought Simon his doggie door for the house. We went with a PetSafe In-Wall unit that is pretty much the standard in dog doors. The location of the dog door was somewhat a problem. The wall by the back door would be the ideal location, but there is an electrical outlet and the natural gas shutoff value for the fireplace right next to it. Hence, no dice. OK, so the next option was the kitchenette area. Well, I initially ruled it out due to the stud placements and initial checking. (The dog door is supposed to fit between the studs and is about 12" wide. The studs in the kitchenette seem to be about 8" apart.) So, we had finally thought about it and were going to put it in the dining room. Well, after I ordered the unit, I decided and hashed a plan to get it back to where I wanted in the kitchenette.

To get it there under the window, I removed the siding and foam insulation (cheapo builder!). Well, the window is narrow and already had one supporting stud, and I decide to remove the extra one in the way. Then I reinforced the window with two new studs on each side that would allow the extra clearance for the dog door. Then I put plywood on the outside instead of insulation.

After that, the installation was pretty straightforward according to the instructions. Here's a couple pictures of the final result.



One thing to note is there is about a foot between the door, so I'm going to build a platform and ramp for Simon and some of his smaller buddies. I can imagine Charlie, who is a 20lb beagle might not want to make that leap in and out.

Susanna at 17 months

Isn't she adorable? She got this outfit from Grandma Nina.

Twilight Saga...

Some of you may have heard about Stephenie Meyer's series called Twilight. There are four books in the series, and it's about vampires. That's all I'm going to tell you, so I don't ruin it for those who haven't finished/read it yet.

I began "reading" (listening on CD) these books because a) they're incredibly popular and b) two of my KY friends (hi Alyssa and Stephanie!) have raved about the books on THEIR blogs. I wasn't sure what to think, especially with the vampire element. But I'm open-minded and willing to try new things, so I checked out the first book on CD from my library (I'm frugal; I rarely buy fiction books unless I know I'm going to read them again and again and again. These books qualify, but I haven't bought them yet) and...

Oh. My. Gosh. These books are good. There's Twilight, then New Moon, then Eclipse, then Breaking Dawn (the final book). I just finished Breaking Dawn. It's taken me almost three months to get through the series because I keep having to wait until the book on CD version is available at the library (I was on the "hold list" for the last book for about two months). Then it takes two weeks of commuting to finish the book. If I had read them the traditional way, I could have been done within a week.

It's an incredible series, and very "clean" in terms of morality and ethics. It's marketed for young adults (teenagers) and written by a Mormon, which are two possible reasons. I'd rate the books at PG-13 because there are some hints of violence and teenage hormones. There are some very strong themes and messages that run through the series...love, loyalty, self-denial, family, etc.

If you liked Harry Potter at all, you will probably like this series. I'm very sad that I've read all the books...I guess I'll just have to re-read them for the fun of it.

For those who have read the series, I was fairly happy with the ending, although I can think of a few spin-off possibilities...

Miscellaneous

OK, so posting every six weeks isn't that bad, right? Right???

Allow me to provide a few updates:

• Christmas was fun, and I think that Susanna really enjoyed it. She's really not into the gift thing (yet), which took the pressure off of us. We spent Christmas Eve with my parents and James' mom came down on Christmas Day. Our gifts to each other were exceptionally domestic; I got a laundry sorter and crock pot, and James got a quesadilla maker and cookware.
• With great fear and trembling, I am putting myself up for an appointment this year. I've been working on some of my own issues that contributed to the SJ debacle and also much better informed on how to handle a "problem church." I think that the local church and I deserve to give each other another chance. I'm just terrified, which may be a good thing. At least I won't be cocky.
• I am LOVING my residency. I love my fellow residents, my supervisor, and the rest of the Pastoral Care staff. I also like Riverside. I hate the commute (40 miles each way) but at least I get to listen to lots of books on CD...the residency ends on August 31.
• Susanna is still not walking. She is standing fairly well with support and is developing more muscle tone, which is key. She's still working with the PT, and will do so until she reaches our goal (able to walk/run easily) or her third birthday, whichever comes first. Apparently I didn't walk until I was about 22 months, so this may be a genetic thing.
• Outside the walking issue, she is still clearly the most adorable, intelligent, and personable child alive. James and I are absolutely enthralled by her, and she charms everyone she meets. She's been sick more this year, with two ear infections and a recent bout of bronchiolitis (thankfully, no ER trip this time!), but her daycare is larger and she's not getting "mommy's milk" anymore. However, she's still pretty healthy, which is a relief. Last time we checked, she was about 31" long and weighed about 23 lbs. She has a smattering of words and lots of unrecognizable sounds. She likes bananas, quesadillas, green beans, and chocolate chip cookies.
• Simon is enjoying his life as a suburban dog and likes barking at the other dogs in the neighborhood. His closest "friend" is Charlie, whose parents are Joel and Melissa (good friends of ours who live in Hampton). He is incredibly gentle with Susanna, who calls him "Dog dog" and likes to pet/hit him. We have yet to see him snap or growl at her. He just gets up and moves when he's had enough. Simon is still extremely cuddly and likes sleeping in bed with us.
• James is doing very, very well at work. He's already gotten a big, fat raise and a performance award. He likes what he's doing, which is a nice change from those last few months at NCCU. Job Satisfaction + Job Success = Happy Husband.

And...I think that's about it. I'll try and post some pictures soon, so you can see how absolutely cute our daughter is.

Tossing a bone...

Life is crazy with both of us working and keeping up with Susanna and the house. Here's a picture of her, taken yesterday, when she was out with Nani (my mom) on a house tour. Susanna is now 15 months old, weighs 22 lbs 9 ozs, and is 31" tall. She is an absolute delight. She's not walking yet, due to low muscle tone. We're working with Early Intervention, and she's receiving physical therapy on a weekly basis. She should be walking with ease by late spring at the absolute latest. I'm personally hoping that she'll be walking by the 18 month mark.

The good news? The Early Intervention team evaluated EVERYTHING, and she is either on target or advanced in every area except for gross motor skills (50% delay) and fine motor skills (30% delay). In other words, we caught this early enough that it shouldn't affect her on a long-term basis. Her cognitive, speech, and social skills are fine, and those are what matter most to us.

Week 6 Reflections

Contrary to my beloved husband's statement, I have not abandoned this blog. I have, however, been very busy. To help you stay connected, I thought I'd begin posting my weekly reflections. Each week I am required to write a one-page journal of sorts about any major relationships, events, or realizations from the week. My supervisor is the only one who sees this reflection, but I'll share it with you. However, if there is information that I deem too personal, I'll edit it out before posting.

FYI, we're all assigned a few floors, where we do rounds every few days among the patients and staff. Mine are: Labor/Delivery, Mother/Baby, NICU (neonatal intensive care), Pediatrics, Hematology/Oncology (Hem/Onc), 4 West (oncology), and 5 Annex (orthopedics).

This week I’ve felt like I’m making progress with the Labor & Delivery staff. I’ve now received three referrals for pastoral care, including one on Wednesday evening. A young woman had miscarried at 14 weeks gestation, and was still holding the fetus in her hands when I arrived. It was so tiny (about the length of a credit card) and very red, yet was fully formed. The more death calls I attend (whether they be for a 14-week old fetus or an 87-year old adult), the more I realize that pastoral presence, prayer, and words of scripture are the best gifts that I can offer a family at the moment of death. Anything else seems so trite.
Now that I’ve been doing my rounds for over a month, I’ve realized that 4 West and 5 Annex pretty much compete for the majority of my time. In general, I can visit all my other floors within 90 minutes, because there are either very few patients who need my attention or (as in the case of Hem/Onc) the patients either don’t want visitors or are sleeping. This week I was able to have some very meaningful visits with patients, including two women dying of cancer. One had just been told that her cancer was untreatable and all they (meaning the medical team) could do was make her comfortable. She went home on Wednesday. The other one is still a patient (according to my census, since I haven’t made it to the floor yet) and has pancreatic cancer. She knows that the disease is terminal, but she has gone to amazing lengths to stay alive and be with her family as long as possible. She currently has a feeding tube and can’t eat solid foods. She has not been home since April, when she was diagnosed. She’s been in and out of several hospitals and has been staying in a nursing home. I wonder what her quality of life is and if I would go to those lengths to stay alive.
Among other reasons, I wanted to do a residency program so I could figure out what was "wrong" with me and fix it (in a manner of speaking). Even four months ago, I felt like a failure in many areas of my life, especially professionally. My learning goals and early experience in this program have been shaped by my experience in the parish. While I still think my learning goals are good ones, I am gaining perspective on my parish experience and am realizing that it was not ALL my fault, or even mostly my fault. Was I partially responsible? Of course, but a lot of it had to do with dynamics of the system and factors beyond my control. My interactions with patients, staff, and colleagues have been very encouraging and affirming. I’m not perfect and can certainly grow in some areas, but neither am I a total loser. As I’ve slowly begun re-gaining my self-confidence, I’ve had the exciting realization that I am not a failure and definitely have many gifts for ministry. Furthermore, in my next ministry setting (wherever it is) I have confidence that I will be able to use my experience and knowledge to become an effective minister.

Hijacking the blog for some cooler vibrations...

Well, since apparently my wife has abandoned this blog like yesterday's underwear, I'm going to make some use of it. Since we've moved into the house, I've been slowly doing repairs each weekend. Today's adventure was the thermostat, which is an old crusty 1970ish style model that is original to the house. You can see what I mean below:

Since I was already at Home Depot today to get an air filter, I stopped by and surveyed the programmable thermostats and got a significant upgrade. This model allows you to program it for 4 different time slots per day and each day can be controlled independently. It's also nice since it will also support a heat pump with backup heat supply, which we'll probably be having to do in a year or so(The A/C and heat are about 14 years old and original to house as well). It took me about an hour to install it, mainly testing it to make sure it was working properly and to program it. The final result is shown below:



Maybe by next weekend I can have the doggie door delivered and installed for Simon. I"m planning on installing an in-wall unit from PetSafe at this point unless I can find another alternative. He can really annoying about going in and out at times and I want to leave the back door closed as much as possible.

Surrounded By Boys...

In the past two weeks, three of my friends have had baby boys, and another couple just found out that their baby (in-utero) is a boy. So congrats to Alex (Andrew and Tracy), Robert (Amanda and Jack), and Ty (Alyssa and Andy) who entered this world last week. And then I can't wait to meet Joshua (due in February) whose excited parents are Joel and Melissa. Woohoo!

So, I have a request. Would someone PLEASE have a girl? I have all of these cute little girl clothes that I would love to lend to someone. And Susanna wants a girl friend to play with...boys are great, but there's nothing like girl time!

Pastoral Care at Riverside: The Cast of Characters

So now that you know what I'm doing, I thought I'd give you a snapshot of who I work with:



Doug is the Director of Pastoral Care and our CPE Supervisor. He's been at Riverside for as long as I've been alive, but he was probably younger than I am when he started. Doug is one of those people who is always surprising you; just yesterday I found out that he drives a Mustang convertible. Anyway, he is the primary reason why I applied to Riverside. He has a reputation as a great supervisor. Plus, he's United Methodist and went to this GREAT college in southwest Virginia. Teeny little place called Emory & Henry...



Judy is the staff chaplain and basically does all the morning and early afternoon work so that the residents and interns can be in seminars and supervision. She gets here at 5:30 a.m., prays with all of the people going into surgery, and then does rounds of the ER and ICU, and takes any pages until noon. She usually goes home around 2:30 p.m. Judy is very thoughtful; she's the sort of person who remembers birthdays (she even got mine!) and provides "survival kits" for us

Helen is the Office Coordinator, and as she put it, "I'm your Mom." She knows a lot about chaplaincy, the hospital, and how the department works. She's pursuing a call to vocational ministry, and plans to take seminary classes eventually. Helen is very cool and is much more than an adminstrative professional. In fact, if a disaster were to happen, she would be leading one of the three chaplain teams!

The other two residents are:

M is in her late twenties, is single (and very attractive, if any of my single male readers are interested), and originally from Dallas (although, thank goodness, she is not a Cowboys fan). She was in the Air Force for several years after college. M is very down-to-earth, thoughtful, and puts people at ease quickly. However, she's also the kind of person you'd love to hate, if it weren't for the previous qualities. She always looks put-together and stylish, even after 13 hours on-call. I'd kill for her wardrobe, but she's about five sizes smaller than me, so it wouldn't do any good. :) She's Baptist, and will finish seminary in May.

S is in his late thirties, is married with a toddler, and originally from Cincinatti. He's a very friendly and welcoming person and currently pastors a church part-time (yes, both my co-residents are masochists). S graduated from seminary a couple years ago and is also Baptist. He's also a Bengals fan, but I'm trying not to hold that against him.

We also have five pastoral interns, who are doing their FIRST unit of CPE. They're mostly here on Mondays.

We all (so far) get along very well, and I can't see that changing much. The staff tends to eat lunch together every day and we have a staff meeting most mornings. We also gather for devotions in the morning, and take turns leading that. It's a very diverse group (although we're all Christian), which is pretty cool.

OK Patti, WHAT Are You Doing This Year???

For the next twelve months (until August 31, 2009) I will be doing what is called a "residency in Clinical Pastoral Education." What the heck is that, you ask? When I'm pressed for time, I simply tell people that I'm a hospital chaplain. It's simple and it's fairly true. However, I'm not pressed for time now. I'm on call tonight and am killing time on the computers in the doctors' lounge (to which we have access, strangely enough).

Those of you who have known me a while may remember the work I did at Hospice the summer of 2005. That was my first unit of Clinical Pastoral Education. Simply put, it's clinical (hospital, hospice, nursing home, etc) work combined with supervision, seminars, and reflection. You do pastoral care in a clinical setting, you reflect on and receive feedback regarding your work, and then you put into practice what you have learned. Most denominations either require or recommend a unit or half unit for ordination, and most people do that first unit and move on to bigger and better things.

So that's CPE in a nutshell. I love it, but there are times when it's really emotionally draining. As part of our reflection process (which is mostly done through "verbatims", or accounts of patient/family visits), we have to pinpoint any "hot buttons" that the visit may have touched. For example, if someone had a difficult time providing care for a dying alcoholic because his/her father was an alcoholic and the visit brought back painful memories. That sort of thing. With the right supervisor and the right peer group, CPE can turn out to be a very powerful and healing force in someone's life and ministry.

So...that's what I'll be doing until next August. I'll actually be completing FOUR units of CPE. It's a full-time program, so I work from 8:30-5:00 Monday through Friday, plus four on-call nights a month. I actually get to go home early the day after my on-call shift, so that's kind of nice. When I'm on-call, I stay at the hospital and take pages from 5:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m. I still have to be at work at 8:30, HOWEVER, I usually leave after our seminars are completed, around 10:00 or 11:00 a.m.

It's a paid position (although considerably less than I was making as a pastor) with benefits. Once I'm done, I can either return to the local church or seek a position as a chaplain somewhere. I don't know what I'll do yet...it's too early to decide. I really love it so far, although there have been some tough times. Example: last week a fifty-something man was brought to the ER in cardiac arrest. He was from out of state, and had collapsed while playing in a tennis tournament. I took the page, so first I had to comfort his three friends (one of whom had been his tennis partner for 20+ years), then return four hours later to comfort his wife when she arrived. I also got to act as a liason between the ER staff and the family, like finding out when and where they could view the body and stuff like that. It was pretty rough. However, it's also very rewarding to be able to provide care for someone and be "Jesus with skin on".

We're alive...just busy!

I started my chaplain residency program two weeks ago...on September 2. I'm loving it, but of course things have been rather crazy. I leave the house at 7:00 a.m. in order to clock in at 8:30. I leave at 5:00, and usually arrive home about 6:00 p.m. I have one on-call night a week, so I have to stay at the hospital that night and come home the next morning. And then we have all the household chores...James and I spent today cleaning the house and doing laundry. At least it means that tomorrow we can have some fun!

We have Susanna in a great daycare that's actually on my way to work. The daycare is in Chesapeake, so it's close to home. I drop her off in the morning and James picks her up in the evening. So far, Susanna is really enjoying it.

I'll post more later...about Susanna's first b-day party (including pics), more about my program and what I'm doing, and Susanna's 12-month appointment.

Look Who's Turned One!

Susanna's first birthday is today. It's bittersweet for me. On the one hand, I'm celebrating her life and looking forward to many more years. On the other hand, I'm a little sad that my little girl is growing up so fast. Above is a picture of Susanna just moments after her birth. Here is a picture of what she looks like now:

It's amazing how much she's grown! We feel very blessed to be her parents.

Who's the kid?

This past weekend, we headed up to McLean so I could preach at my home church. We stayed in a hotel (that's another blog post entirely), but we spent a lot of time with our friend Paul. We also got to see our friend Mike, which was great. Anyway, on Sunday afternoon Paul and Susanna got a little silly. It was fun to watch, and I had to capture it on video. Turn your sound on to get the full effect!