Yesterday was the Sunday we celebrate the Baptism of Our Lord-when John baptized Jesus in the Jordan River. As part of the sermon, my pastor included a video from "The Lion King" on Broadway, using it as an illustration for God being within us, and reminded us who (and Whose) we are through our baptism. It was powerful, although if it had been me I would have used the above clip from the movie. BUT, he didn't ask my opinion and the Broadway clip definitely "worked" and may have been more relevant for other people. After all, there were several hundred others in attendance, and the Broadway show just had a one-month run in Norfolk.
What my pastor does not know is that I have used specific clips from "The Lion King" to illustrate my continued healing from Danville-gate. Go, Holy Spirit.
God is definitely doing a new thing within me. Even as recently as two months ago, I was actively searching for chaplain jobs and using the phrase "if I ever go back to the [local] church" as a pastor, with a big emphasis on the "if." And since my main focus in searching for chaplain jobs was fulfilling service requirements for ordination versus actual vocational fulfillment, I was sort of hazy and unfocused in regards to my future. I'm really not convinced that I'm cut out to be a SAHM for the long-term (more on that another time), but at that point (only two months ago) I had no interest in going back to the local church as a pastor.
Then, God started nudging me each Sunday through my pastor's sermons (that Holy Spirit can be really pesky). Then, in early December, the opportunity to preach last week pretty much fell into my lap. As I prepared the sermon, I began to remember how much I enjoyed it. And on, and on, and on. Finally, I knew what I had to do. I made an appointment with my District Superintendent (who oversees all the clergy on the Norfolk District) to discern/discuss the possibility of me becoming a pastor again. Together, we agreed that I'm not quite ready this year (Greg is still very young and I also think I may have presented myself as more fragile than I am), but that by next year (July 2012), I should definitely be ready to once again be Pastor Patti.
My plan over the next year is to remain on family leave, do whatever I can to finish healing, to gain more experience, to increase my confidence, and to basically do whatever necessary to begin my next appointment 100% ready to be Pastor Patti. I'm fairly certain that our current church is a good place in which to do that, and of course I have other resources available to me, as well.
The above video pretty much illustrates what I've been experiencing over the past six weeks and where I am right now.
And someday, hopefully 18 months or so from now (NOTE: the United Methodist system works on annual appointments from July 1 to June 30, so unless something literally falls into my lap, it will be 18 months. I've already mailed in my forms for family leave), I will once again be a pastor and once again be shepherding the people of God. Or, to keep using "The Lion King", I will be climbing Pride Rock and roaring:
1 comment:
Patti, sounds like a lot has been going on. Prayers are with you in this year of healing and discernment. (And trust me, you're not the only one who couldn't handle being a SAHM long-term.)
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